A perfect parabatai
by malifcbfan1899
Summary: Living in Idris all her life,Sam is determined to become city's best Shadowhunter.But, there is a law that every Shadowhunter must have a parabatai. Sam's problem is she can't find anyone good enough.And her time is running out. Who could match her in Shadowhunting?Maybe the golden boy that came from New York Institute?Or somebody else? I don't own anything. ( spoilers from TDI! )
1. Prologue

Prologue

-Why weren't you born just one day earlier?-I heard a sigh next to me.

I opened my eyes and looked at my best friend Levi, whose blue eyes were dark as the sky above our heads as he stared at me like I could have had some influence in picking the day of my birth.

The sun has already fallen down, but it was the middle of summer, so it was warm enough to sit outside on the fresh air. We sat on the balcony of his house, with a beautiful view on the city in front of us. I was always a bit jealous of Levi in that matter because his house had better view than mine.

When I would close my eyes, it wouldn't be hard to imagine that we were in the Hawaii or somewhere like that, sitting barefoot in the chairs and our legs leant on the hedge of the balcony. The wind tickled my feet, but I didn't mind, actually I enjoyed it.

But, the reason I was there today wasn't amazing sight on Idris or releasing imagination about other beautiful places in the world. Today was my best friend's birthday and I there was no place that I would rather be than here.

I laughed at him.

-So I would have to share my birthday with you? No way.-I made my voice sound arrogantly, but Levi knew I didn't really think that. I loved to tease people, especially the ones that meant a lot to me, and he knew it was the way I showed that I care. And he loved to tease me back.

-Yeah, you're right. I wouldn't like to share attention on my birthday with such a poor Shadowhunter as you.-arrogance in his voice was also too extremely pointed out to be honest.

I knew he was joking, but he joked on the wrong thing. My skills as Shadowhunter were not to be questioned, even as a joke.

-This poor Shadowhunter can kick your ass any time she thinks of it.-I threatened to forefinger pushed his forearm as a warning.

He waved his hand carelessly.

-But, I have a _parabatai_ now. Not even you could beat two Shadowhunters at once.-he tried to kip his voice amused, but he couldn't hide his bitterness from me. Although he was three years older than me, we have been best friend since I started to talk and we knew each other better than our parents knew us. I thought of him as of a brother I have never had.

I could see that shine in his eyes died after he had said the word _parabatai_. That word scared me as well.

-One day I'll be able to do that.-I said, full of self-confidence.

-And I'll prove to the Clave we don't need this _parabatai_ thing. A good Shadowhunter can look after himself and those he cares the most even without this.-I pointed at his left palm.

There was a small rune, looking like it wasn't drawn completely. The other half of the rune was drawn on the palm of some other Shadowhunter that today had become Levi's _parabatai_, someone closer than a brother, who will look after Levi's life as well as after his own in a fight.

By the law, every Shadowhunter in the world had to have a _parabatai_. A _parabatai_ had to be found between sixteenth and nineteenth birthday. Every Shadowhunter had three years to find someone he or she would trust his or hers own life. Someone found it sooner, someone later, so they could come to the Clave whenever they were sure to find a person that fits the description. But, Shadowhunters' nineteenth birthday was the deadline when he had to had a _parabatai_. If he or she broke that rule, he would be judged by the Clave and sometimes even banished from Idris and from the world of Shadowhunters. Having a _parabatai_ had to be done, according the Clave, for our own safety.

But, I didn't agree with the Clave. If I had no one I could trust enough, why should I have a _parabatai_? Why should I be separated from the shadowhunting what was my entire life just because I couldn't find someone that I trust enough? Above all, why there had to be a deadline for finding a _parabatai_?

-It just isn't fair.-I said with a bit of anger in my voice.

-If they want us to have a _parabatai_ so badly, there should be no deadlines. The Clave shouldn't care whether my _parabatai_ is one hundred years older than me.-

Levi smiled at me.

-By the Angel, Sam, you could never endure having an old man as a parabatai. I can imagine you now yelling at him:"Move that but of yours or I'll sting you with my Seraph blade into it!".-

We both laughed at the idea. It wouldn't be really far from the reality, if such reality could be possible. But, it wasn't, and I had three years and one day from now to find someone to be my _parabatai_. If my birthday was today, Levi would be my _parabatai_. He was nineteen today and he had to choose someone by today midnight. But, that was too early for me, because my sixteenth birthday was not until tomorrow. So, I lost a chance to have my best friend as _parabatai_, someone I trusted no matter what and who trusted me back. That was the reason I was so angry with the Clave. If there wasn't at least their deadline, I would accept the _parabatai_ law without any complaint.

-Nooo.-I said with my voice acting naive.

-I would never be so cruel to a poor old man.-

-Yeah, right.-Levi laughed.

-And you would rather always stay at home and knit than slaughter demons as well.-

-Of course.-my voice raised as I was some girl obsessed with clothes and make-up.

-Haven't you seen the latest skirt I have knitted?-

-No, I haven't.-Levi accepted the joke immediately.

-Would you show it to me?-

-I can't right now.-I sighed theatrically.

-It's a surprise for tomorrow. I'll tell you only that it's pink.-

Levi couldn't talk for a few second, choked in laugh.

-I can't wait to see it on you.-he finally caught his breath.

-Over my dead body.-I said, smiling.

-OK, now I'm relieved.-Levi took a deep breath.

-I've almost thought you had been serious.-

-By the Angel, you are crazy.-I laughed and kicked him lightly in the shoulder.

-Did that rune on your hand blow your mind? Because then I'm absolutely sure I'll never have a _parabatai_.-

His face suddenly became serious. He gaze captivated mine, not letting me to escape.

-Really, Sam, who will be your _parabatai_? I mean, Eric has been my good friend for a long time, so it wasn't so difficult for me to agree with him about that. But, you ... -he stopped at that point and his eyes ran away from mine.

-I'm not as sociable as you, so you think I'll have a problem.-I finished the sentence for him.

He nodded.

-Probably you're right.-I shrugged my shoulders, looking at the stars that started to appear.

-You're the only one I would accept as a _parabatai_. I trust nobody like I trust you.-

-I'm honoured then.-he smiled.

But, I didn't. His words were truth.

-I mean it, Levi. And I can't imagine I'll trust someone like I trust you. If I ever find someone like that, I'll accept him or her as well as I would accept you. But, if that doesn't happen, I know what I'll do.-

-You won't leave Idris, won't you?-Levi interrupted me with worry in his voice.

-Of course not.-I smiled, trying to calm him down.

-But, I intend to become the best Shadowhunter in Idris. And I'll accept nothing less as a _parabatai_. My _parabatai_ will have to match me in a fight; otherwise I won't be able to trust him with my life.-

-Match you?-Levi stared at me in surprise.

-Most of the Shadowhunters of our age can't match you even now. After three more years of training, where will you find such a person?-

I shrugged my shoulders again.

-I must be sure he or she is good enough because my place in a fight against demons is in the front row. And my _parabatai_ can't be someone who will hide behind my back. He or she must be as strong as I am. I'll accept only the best.-

-If you say so, Sam.-Levi nodded.

-I can't see how will it happen, but I'll trust you.-

I closed my eyes again and put my hands behind head, enjoying the mild breeze.

-It will, don't worry. I have a lot of time. Someone as good as me will come to Idris. Every Shadowhunter comes here at least once. So will my _parabatai_.-


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I felt someone grabbing my shoulder.

-Sam! Where have you been?! I thought you had died!-

I turned around and looked at Levi. He had dirt and scratches all over his face and hands, but he was still alive. One Seraph blade shone like a firefly in his hands, covered in black blood of the demons. His forehead has still been sweating and his breath was fast, but except for fatigue I could see no serious injuries on him.

I was relieved. I had lost the sight of him during the fight and I had slowly started to panic when the fight had been over and he had been nowhere around. But, when I saw my best friend safe and sound, I could finally laugh again.

-You have so little confidence in me, Levi? I'm truly disappointed.-

His fist punched my shoulder lightly while Levi rolled his eyes.

-You made me worry so much and now you are even laughing at me. How come you are my best friend, I'll never know.-

I smiled, knowing he won't take my words amiss.

-Where's Eric? He's a poor _parabatai_ if he left you wandering through battle all by yourself.-

-He's looking for his family.-Levi said with sorrow in his voice.

His _parabatai's_ house was very close to the entrance to Idris. That meant their house was one among first to be attacked by the army of demons. There was a chance they hadn't manage to escape.

I could make no reply to that. For a few seconds we stood in silence, then Levi spoke again.

-How many demons have you slaughtered, Sam?-features of his face relaxed again.

-I stopped counting at about fifty, but I have slaughtered at least as three times as much.-I joined him in smiling.

-I suppose it's more than you and Eric have slaughtered together.-

-I wouldn't count on that.-he said.

-We killed a whole bunch of them.-

-I'm still better than both of you.-I crossed my arms over my chest like an unsatisfied child.

Levi raised his hands up, surrendering.

-I admit that.-he smiled for a second, but then became serious again.

-But, Sam, in times like this, I'm glad I have a _parabatai_. I know someone watches over me and I'm even more focused on battle because I know it's not just my life in my hands. Neither I nor Eric are perfect Shadowhunters, but having a _parabatai_ helps. You should reduce your expectations, Sam. What you're looking for ... -

-I have one more day.-I interrupted him.

-I will never give up shadowhunting. If I don't find someone by tomorrow midnight, I'll accept anyone. But, that person will have tough trainings with me after that until I'm satisfied.-

-I doubt anyone will agree to be your _parabatai_ if you continue to think like that.-Levi whispered like he couldn't hold those words back, but I have still heard him.

His words made me angry at once.

-That's not really your problem, is it?-I growled.

-I'm the best Shadowhunter in Idris and you know it and so does everyone else. I'll find a _parabatai_ without your interfering.-

A second after I had spat out those words at him, I knew I had made a mistake. Levi was my best friend and I had pushed him away. I had almost no friends at all but him. And now I had hurt him, making even bigger loner of myself.

-Sorry, Levi. I didn't ... -

-You didn't mean it, did you?-now he was the one interrupting me.

-But, you did, Sam. You are so angry with the Clave and their law and subconsciously you fight it by pushing people away from you, not allowing anyone to try to become your _parabatai_. But, you pushed me back as well, because I have been obeying the law, because I have a _parabatai_. Somewhere in your head, I'm a traitor.-

-That's not true ... -I started, but Levi didn't allow me to finish.

-I'm sorry, Sam, but it is. I can see it in your behaviour. You're not the same as before.-

I had no answer. It was the truth that I despised Clave's law about having a _parabatai_, but I have never considered that Levi betrayed me in any way. But, he obviously got tired of me and my loneliness. He wasn't like that.

But, I didn't want to lose him.

-OK, you're right about the law. I hate it really much.-I said, holding his gaze and not letting him to go away.

-But, I'll have to have a _parabatai_ tomorrow. I'll find one, I promise. But, that doesn't change the fact that you are and you'll always be my best friend, Levi. If I stop resisting Clave's law, will we be best friends like before?-

He sighed.

-You don't understand, do you?-his voice sounded sadly.

-I care for you, Sam. That's why I'm telling you that you must have some other friends beside me, like I have others beside you. You're my best friend, but not the only friend.

And I know that you have no true friends but me. And what if I got killed? Who will be your friend then?-

His words hurt me. Loneliness didn't sound so bad in my head, but from his mouth it sounded more badly than army full of demons. And world without Levi seemed like the worst nightmare. Without his jokes and tales I would have already gone from Idris a long time ago.

-You won't get killed. Eric will protect you.-I whispered, feeling the tears in corners of my eyes.

Levi shook his head.

-You can't know that. Maybe in some other fight we'll both get killed. And you'll be left alone, Sam, because I know you'll survive any fight. You are the best Shadowhunter I have ever met.-he didn't smile, but shine went back into his eyes.

Once again, I was speechless. Not waiting for me, he continued.

-But, you need friends, Sam. And a _parabatai_ as well.-

I nodded my head. Even though I didn't like his words so much, I had to admit he was right.

-OK, I'll try. You'll meet my _parabatai_ tomorrow. I promise I'll try to befriend him or her.-I said.

-I'm glad to hear that, Sam.-Levi smiled with approval.

-And because of your promise I'll help you.-

I raised my eyebrows.

-How?-

-I have heard of some guy who came from New York Institute. It's said he's the best Shadowhunter there, that nobody can beat him in one-on-one fight. You should meet him.-

I smiled at Levi. We were finally talking in the same language again.

-I would love to. Where can I find him? What's his name?-

Levi pointed at some group of people that were talking. I followed his gaze.

-The blond guy over there. His name is Jace Lightwood.-


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

-This is the house, right?-I asked Levi, who followed me.

He nodded.

-Yes. They went in here yesterday. Go there and knock.-

I took a deep breath. There was a possibility that I'll finally get a _parabatai_ today. It had

to be done anyway, but at least I had been given a chance that this guy will match me.

Levi and I asked questions as much as we could about him and everyone said they had

never seen better Shadowhunter that hadn't been trained in Idris.

-You're not ashamed right now, are you, Sam?-mocking tone was in Levi's voice.

I turned around and gave him my dangerous gaze.

-Shut up.-

I stepped forward just to prove him how wrong he is, but as I was walking toward the

door, I felt speed of my pulse increasing. I wasn't used to make friends with people who

were unknown to me, especially not making the first step. But, I had no time to be

patient and wait for someone to introduce me to this guy. I had less than a day to find a

_parabatai_ and he was the main candidate.

When I came to the door, I took a deep breath once more and then, without looking at

Levi, who most certainly laughed at me behind my back, knocked on the white door.

I heard steps, like someone was running to open the door. But, when it did open, it

wasn't the blond guy Jace who was looking at me. It was a black-haired girl whom I saw

yesterday in Jace's circle of friends.

-Yes?-she asked politely, although she has never seen me before.

-I'm looking for Jace Lightwood.-I said calmly, proud of the fact my voice didn't shiver.

She leant on the door, looking curiously at me.

-Why do you need him?-

-I have to ask him something. I heard that he lives here.-I still tried to keep my voice

calm, but not from the same reason as before. I had been a bit scared before. Now her

curiosity was making me angry.

_Why do you care? I don't need you, I need him. If this is his house, just call for him. If_

_not, tell me so and I'll leave._ I thought, but said nothing, trying to look completely indifferent.

The girl stood up again and opened the door a bit wider.

-Do you want to come in?-

I couldn't hold back my surprise completely. I expected that he'll come, we'll have a fight,

I'll beat him, hopefully after more time that the rest of my opponents, and then he'll

become my _parabatai_. I had no vision of friendly chatting in the living room with people I

didn't know and who didn't interest me. But, I remembered Levi's words about making

friends and not pushing people away. This was my first chance to try that tactic.

-OK, why not?-I shrugged my shoulders.

The girl smiled.

-I'm Isabelle.-she stretched out her hand.

-Sam.-I accepted her hand and shook it.

Then we came into the house. In the last second I remembered Levi, who still stood on

the street. I looked towards him, but he didn't seem angry for me abandoning him. He

smiled and nodded his head, like he approved my actions until now.

_At last, you're happy. _I smiled him back and then followed Isabelle into the house.

Isabelle led me into the big living room. There were three persons sitting on the couch.

One guy had a black hair and face features similar to Isabelle's, so I guessed he was

her brother. His blue eyes looked at me with curiosity, but also with doubt, like he didn't

trust me. Next to him was a short, red-haired girl with green eyes, who was just curious.

And next to her was guy with brown hair and eyes, but what captivated my attention the

most about him was his pale skin. He looked like he had no blood in his veins, pale

almost like a vampire. When he would stand next to white wall, I probably wouldn't see him.

-Where's Jace?-Isabelle asked behind my back.

Looking and evaluating this company, I have almost forgotten why I had come here in

the first place. I looked around, searching for the blond hair and noticed him in the same

moment he spoke.

-Here he comes.-I heard irony in his voice as he was descending down the steps in the

corner of the living room.

He came down, looked at all of us and then his gaze stopped on me.

-Who're you?-he asked, but I could notice that he didn't really care because boredom

was easily noticeable in tone of his voice.

_That's your first mistake._ I didn't like to be treated with boredom.

-I'm Sam. I've come here to see if you're good enough to be my _parabatai_.-I have never liked people being evasive so I got to the point at once.

Everyone reacted opposite of my expectations. They all laughed.

-If I'm good enough?-Jace said with sarcastic smile on his face.

-The question is if you're good enough for being my _parabatai_. I somehow don't think

so.-

I was pissed off by them underestimating my chances against him. I was the best

Shadowhunter in Idris. People years older than me couldn't beat me. And now I had to

listen room full of young fools laughing at me.

_Calm down, Sam._ I tried to convince myself. _He's an idiot and you can prove it. You'll_

_be the last to laugh if you play this smartly._

-People have told me you're a good Shadowhunter, but I guess they have forgotten to tell me that you're a coward as well.-I smiled ironically towards Jace. I ignored everyone else, although my opinion of them was no better.

They all stopped laughing at once. Everyone looked at Jace, waiting for his reply to this

insult.

-Of course I'm not afraid of you.-he said.

-I think it's the waste of my time to fight you.-

-If you think I'm such a poor Shadowhunter, that's just two minutes of your time to beat

me.-I had to fight him. Now this wasn't just about finding a _parabatai_, it has just got more

personal. He insulted me by laughing at my abilities. I had to show him how wrong he

was and kick his ass so much that he'll never forget it.

We were all silent for a few moments and then Jace spoke.

-OK, you're right. It won't take long.-

I nodded my head, smiling.

-Of course it won't.-

His golden eyes studied me for a moment.

-What weapon do I need?-

-Choose it yourself.-my smile was now mix of sweetness and irony.

-I need just one Seraph blade.-

-Then I'll take the same, so you don't feel outnumbered.-he replied.

I waited for a minute for him to go up the stairs again and get his Seraph blade. When

he got back, we went out of the house, with all his family or friends or whatever they

were following us. Levi waited for me outside, smiling towards me. I nodded my head

confidently and then turned towards Jace. The Seraph blade was already in his hands.

-Shall we begin?-he asked smiling, like I was just a kid who believed Santa Claus

existed and needed to be proved otherwise.

I took my Seraph blade and held it tight, feeling my body filling with adrenaline.

-Whenever you're ready.-


	4. Chapter 3

_He's really good._ I thought while my Seraph blade crossed the path of Jace's.

Our fight has been lasting last twenty minutes. We were equal opponents, nobody

could claim to be closer to the victory. He was taller and stronger than me, but my speed

was giving me the chance to parry him. I waited for him to attack me, avoided it and

then struck back. But, as I knew his strategy was to attack, he knew what I was about to do and he was ready for it. My counterattacks were of very little use to me.

Jace was the first one who gave me troubles in a fight. Before him, my longest fight

lasted seven or eight minutes. And now I could feel sweat on my forehead and I

couldn't hold my Seraph blade as tight as before. I was catching my breath and my

pulse was punching against my temples. The hardest thing was to keep focus, to be

concentrated all the time. It was exhausting, but I didn't intend to give up.

_Finally, a real fight._ I smiled to myself. _No way I'll give up. I'll continue until I win it._

I was satisfied to see that he got tired too. His breathing was heavier than before and

his movements weren't so smooth and precise. But, he still held his ground and didn't

allow me to find a way through his defence. His golden eyes studied my movements,

but I could see respect growing inside them. I wanted to remind him about his words of

me wasting his time, but I didn't. It was a distraction to me as well and in this fight I

couldn't afford myself to be distracted.

I had no idea how long this fight could last. I was determined not to give up even if I

fall on my knees of fatigue, but Jace had the same thoughts on his face. When he

realized how good fighter I was, he had to beat me, for his own pride's sake. But, the

pride wasn't only on his side, it was also on mine.

_He's the one._ I knew. _He must be my parabatai. There is nobody else like him. He's_

_the one I would trust my life with._

Suddenly, I heard somebody's voice. It was a girl's voice and it was familiar enough to

me to recognize Isabelle.

-Do you have any intentions in finishing soon? Lunch should have been ten minutes

ago.-

-Isabelle!-a new voice raised up, one of those I didn't know.

-Sam won't give up until she wins.-Levi's voice joined the conversation.

-I wouldn't count with the end soon.-

-C'mon, Jace, stop playing around!-another female voice was heard.

_Playing around?!_ I got angry at once. _I must finish him first, but then, she's over._

In a second I changed my tactic completely. I jumped from my defence into sudden

attack. Jace wasn't ready for that surprise of mine. We moved forward in the same

time, but I knew his move and he didn't know mine. I avoided his Seraph blade that

should have gone into my right shoulder and cut the part of his gear around ribs.

grabbed the black fabric and held it tight in my hands. I turned around elegantly,

pleased with my victory. I heard clapping and saw Levi coming closer to me.

-Great fight, Sam.-he patted my shoulder like a proud parent.

-Thanks.-I smiled, turning around to Jace.

-I have to admit, this was my hardest victory ever.-

He smiled, but there was a cunning shine in his eyes.

-I wouldn't call it a victory exactly, if I were you.-he raised his hand. There was a part

of black fabric as well.

My gaze lowered and I looked towards my right shoulder. There wasn't only black

fabric there. I could see a small part of my skin as well.

I was furious, but I tried to keep myself calm. If I show him my anger because we were

equal, he will probably use it to mock me. And I couldn't allow that.

-I guess you're right.-I smiled sweetly, enough to be ironical.

-That proves you have the abilities to be my _parabatai_.-

Ironic smile vanished from his face. Seriousness appeared in all features of his face.

-This was a test, then? For you to see how I fight?-

I nodded.

-Yes. You're the best fighter I've ever met. I've been waiting for someone like you to

show up in Idris. I found nobody here good enough to accept him or her as a _parabatai_. But, I will gladly accept you. If you don't have one already, of course.-my gaze went over his friends.

The red-haired girl and the pale guy didn't even look like Shadowhunters to me. They were skinny, with no hard muscles from exercising. Isabelle and her probably-to-be brother seemed good, but Jace stood out even from them. I couldn't guess what the thing that was making him so special was, but I could see in one gaze he was the only one here who I would accept as a _parabatai_. And I saw no reason why he wouldn't

accept me. I seriously doubted his possible _parabatai_ would be among them.

-I don't have a _parabatai_ yet.-he said, his eyes staring at mine.

_Yes! I'll finally fulfil the Clave's stupid law!_ I didn't show full extent of my joy, I just

smiled.

-Then ...-I started, but I was interrupted after only one word.

-Jace, you can't do that! I thought ...-

My gaze went from Jace to the girl who had spoken. It was the red-haired girl and it

was her voice which had told Jace to stop playing around during the fight. I wanted

to punch her in revenge, but I had better ways to do it.

-Why wouldn't he?-I said, coming near to her.

-Who should he take as a _parabatai_? You?-

His eyes avoided my gaze and looked at Jace. We all stood silently for few moments

and then I realized her problem.

-You're his girlfriend, aren't you?-I laughed at her jealousy.

Jace was handsome, even I had to admit that, but I wasn't looking for boyfriend, just for a _parabatai_. I didn't care about his relationships, as long as he was ready to fight

alongside me in the times of need. I was ready to do the same for him. He could have

one million girlfriends in his free time, I couldn't care less, but in a fight against demons,

my side was the place he had to be at.

-Yes, she is.-I heard Jace's voice, so I turned towards him again.

-I really don't care. I need you only as my _parabatai_, nothing more.-I said and smiled to

the red-haired girl.

-She doesn't have to be afraid of me.-

She stood silently and I realized I won't hear another word from her. She was obviously

ashamed of her jealousy, so I faced Jace again. But, now I could see rejection in his

golden eyes now.

-Do you even understand the meaning of having a _parabatai_?-he asked me strictly.

-_Parabatai_ is someone you can trust your life with. That's all I need if I must have one.-

I answered, not lowering my gaze.

-Shadowhunting is my life. I have no fear of demons. And my _parabatai_ can't be

someone who'll hide like a coward. He or she must be as good fighter as I am, good

enough to come into the first rows during the fight. Otherwise, it would be like having

no protection at all, just another distraction during the fight.-

He understood my point, I could see it in his eyes. He knew I was right. He couldn't

trust his life to someone incompetent either. But, there was another half in his view on

the matter. And that one didn't agree with me.

-I'm sorry, but I can't be your _parabatai_ then.-he said, catching me off guard completely.

-What? Why?-I have almost screamed, not able to control myself.

-I can't guarantee to you that I'll watch over you. My friends are more important to me.

And you show no intention to become my friend. I'm sorry, but I could never be a

good _parabatai_ to you. I'll always put them in front of you.-

For few seconds I was speechless. But, Levi filled in my silence.

-Give Sam a chance, please.-he said to Jace.

-She is a very good friend once you meet her. Just give her ...-

-You don't have to.-rage erupted from me like lava from volcano.

-If you don't want to be my _parabatai_, you don't have to. I'm good enough to fight on

my own. If the Clave doesn't like it, I don't give a damn.-

I turned around and left, leaving them all in silence. I didn't wait for Levi. I knew what he

would said. And I had just despised his advice about making friends, so he probably had

nothing to say to me.

_I have a parabatai already, the best there is._ I held my Seraph blade tight, determined not to think about the trial I knew it will come to banish me from the world of Shadowhunters forever.


	5. Chapter 4

-Fuck! Fuck!-I yelled each time I would punch the wall in front of me.

It was 11.30. p.m. of my nineteenth birthday. After another half an hour I will be banished from Idris and world of Shadowhunters forever. Just because I reacted

according to my instincts and not my sense. I hated myself every time I thought of

that, the way I had refused Levi's good intentions and even Jace's offer of friendship.

No, I had had to let my anger with the Clave overwhelm me. And now I had no hope.

There was no way I would find another person to be my _parabatai_ in time. Almost

everybody were at home now, sleeping or telling stories or whatever else they might

be doing. I stood alone in almost complete darkness and the only source of weak light was the moon above my head. It was away from being full, so I saw very little around me, but that was enough to see the wall I was punching.

-Damn the Clave and its stupid laws!-I cursed, sometimes in my thoughts, sometimes out loud. This time it was out loud and somebody heard it.

-We obviously think the same.-

Suddenly, a human figure stepped out of the shadows. I could see him well enough to

guess he was a guy even without the sound of his voice. But, I got better sight of him when he got closer. He was a bit taller than me, but I could see hard muscles under his

shirt, like he was training a lot. His hair was blond, but lighter than Jace's. His skin was pale, a perfect contrast to the blackness of his eyes. He looked at me with amusement,

like we were two children sharing a secret about some mischief.

-Who are you?-I asked carefully. It didn't happen often that somebody wasn't happy

with the Clave's laws, at least not out loud.

-Someone with the same problem as you.-he answered with a cunning smile on his

face.

-I need a _parabatai_. And a little time to find one.-

I became suspicious immediately. I could hear in his voice that he had somehow found

out about my problem. And his offer of resolving my problem wasn't free.

-You know, you need to match me in a fight if you want me to accept you.-I smiled

sweetly, determined not to show how nervous I was. This guy's eyes gave me

unpleasant goose bumps.

-I'll accept you only if you're good enough.-

He laughed like he had never heard a funnier joke.

-I think you can't afford yourself to bargain, Samantha.-he said and I shivered, though I could have noticed even before that he obviously knew who I was.

-But, if you insist, I'll fight you, right here, right now. If we're both pleased with the result,

we'll become each other's _parabatai_. Deal?-

My mind warned me not to trust him. His black eyes were not to be trusted.

_But, if I want to remain Shadowhunter, I need him. I need a parabatai. And if he's good_

_enough, why not?_ I assured myself. _Let's see how he fights first._

-Deal.-I nodded.

He pulled out a Seraph blade out of his pocket.

-I've heard of you, Samantha.-he used my full name again.

-Idris' best Shadowhunter. Determined to beat every demon in this world.-

-Is that something bad?-I asked while grabbing my Seraph blade.

-And stop calling me with my full name. I'm Sam.-

He smiled.

-As you wish, Sam.-

I noticed he avoided answering my question about killing demons. But, I had no time to

think about that because the fight was about to start. There was no doubt about that

because his Blade was already crossing with mine.

He attacked me ruthlessly, like I was a demon. His blade was trying to find a weak spot

in my defence and nearly did it for a few times. I didn't have time for anything besides

almost desperate moves that saved my head. I couldn't even think about counterattacks.

My fatigue was one of the reasons he was so better than me, but another one were his brilliant skills. He moved swiftly, like a predator hunting its prey. I could feel my pulse increasing, my breath becoming heavier, but he looked like he has just waken up from a long sleep, full of energy. In few minutes he overpowered me completely and I had to admit he was superior in this fight. But, I didn't stop resisting until he knocked the Seraph blade out of my hand.

I heard a noise when it had fallen on the ground. I looked in my opponent's black eyes and nodded.

-I'm impressed really.-I followed movements of his Seraph blade, not completely sure

the fight was over for him.

-Who are you? If you're from Idris, I'm surprised we didn't meet until now.-

He moved his Seraph blade away from me and put it in the pocket of his coat. I couldn't

see what he wore beneath the coat, but I guessed it wasn't Shadowhunters' gear,

otherwise he would probably put the blade there.

My curiosity about this guy increased even more. He fought brilliantly, but didn't wear Shadowhunters' gear. I didn't see him in Idris until now. And he had something in his eyes that made me scared and excited in the same time, like I did bungee-jumping or a jump with a parachute. He was dangerous, but he also promised an adventure beyond my dreams.

His black eyes shone under the moonlight as his gaze captivated mine. He came one

step closer to me.

-Am I good enough to become your _parabatai_?-he ignored my questions like I have

never said them.

But, I could play the game as well.

-Am I good enough to become yours?-

He laughed amusingly.

-Of course you are, Sam.-he stretched out his hand.

-Of course you are.-

There was more in his words than conformation of our deal. He spoke of something I

didn't count with. And I didn't feel very comfortable standing with him in the darkness.

So I moved away from him and forced myself to sound confidently.

-Let's go to the Clave then.-I turned around, wanting to walk to Clave's main building.

-I'm right behind you.-I heard his whisper on my ear.

I didn't like my personal space being taken away from me. I turned towards him once

again, wanting to sound dangerously, even though I have been beaten just few minutes

ago.

-Tell me your name.-I demanded, trying to hold myself back and not to attack him. I had

to remember he was my only hope, but I didn't want to become _parabatai_ of somebody I

knew absolutely nothing about.

-Easy, Sam.-he smiled.

-I promise to tell you everything, but I just want you to answer one my question first.-

I stared at his eyes and nodded, although I didn't believe them. But, I had no choice and

once again I was too curious.

-Ask then.-I crossed my hands over my chest.

-But fast.-

-OK.-the smile suddenly left his face.

-Will you accept me as a _parabatai_, no matter what you might found out about me later?-

His question caught me off guard. I shrugged.

-I guess I will. That's my only chance to remain among Shadowhunters. If you're one, I

see no reason why I wouldn't accept you.-

He laughed again. But, this time it was almost a sad laugh. Sadness didn't get

completely into his black eyes, but it was the first sight of something different than

sarcasm or mocking in them.

-I have to admit you appreciate Shadowhunters and their laws more than they deserve.

And you have abilities that surpass their laws.-

-What that has to do with me not accepting you?-I was confused by his words. My

opinion of the Clave's laws wasn't the best, but I have never thought about going

against them. But, this guy obviously did.

-If I tell you my name, you'll have two options, Sam. And you'll break the Clave's laws

no matter which one you'll pick.-

I didn't like him being so mysterious. I wanted the truth, no matter what it will contain.

-I'll think of something, don't worry. Tell me your name.-

He sighed, like he had done everything he could without any use against my

stubbornness. Then he said it.

-Jonathan Morgenstern.-


	6. Chapter 5

_Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!_ was the first thought in my mind.

But, I managed not to say it out loud, so I saved myself from turning out to be half feeble-minded. I swallowed and tried to make my words sound reasonably, although I was still stunned.

-You're Valentine Morgenstern's son, aren't you?-

He nodded without further explanation. So I continued to talk, but I actually talked to myself, trying to calm myself by repeating facts we have both already known.

-He tried to conquer Idris. We've beaten his demon army two days ago. He's dead.-

-Yes, he is.-Jonathan said without sadness in his voice, more like he was trying to get my attention back.

He definitely did.

-You're not sad about it.-I noticed.

He shrugged.

-If you ever met him, you wouldn't be either.-

There was pain in his voice, like he was disappointed with his father. There was also fear and anger towards that man. He seemed to be relieved because of his father's death, like he finally had a chance to be free from him.

But, that wasn't what I heard about Jonathan Morgenstern. He was his father's loyal follower, the one who enabled Valentine to let his demon army within the walls of Idris. According to some rumours, he had demons' blood in his own veins.

_How could I accept someone like him as a parabatai?_ I asked myself. I needed to know more.

-How come you're still alive? You were on his side.-I let suspicion to be heard in my voice.

He noticed my doubts and sighed, like he had expected them.

-I had to be on his side, Sam. Beside the fact he was my father, I thought he was doing the right thing.-

I couldn't believe his words. His explanation wasn't good enough for me.

-He wanted to slaughter all Shadowhunters here in Idris. How can destruction of all of them be a good thing?-

-He told me he had wanted to change some of the Clave's laws.-Jonathan's tone was a bit defensive.

-Even you have to admit they aren't all good and fair. He wanted to change the relationships between Shadowhunters and Downworlders. He would make sure that each Shadowhunter child is trained properly. He would suspend even the law about having a _parabatai_. I've never wanted one, just like you. Everything sounded so great in his words. It took some time for me to realise I was wrong.-

-Yeah, you've changed your mind now he's defeated.-I pointed out sarcasm of my words. He had to know how unconvincing all sounded to me.

He shrugged.

-I've never thought you'd believe me on my word.-after that act of reconciliation, his eyes suddenly shone with resolution.

-But, I can prove to you that I'm not like my father. I want to be a Shadowhunter, it's the only thing I know how to do. My entire family has done that for generations. I don't want to be the one who will break that line.-

-Your father has already done that.-I pointed out, but there was no sarcasm left in my voice. He sounded so convinced, so determined to find himself among Shadowhunters. It was what he had in his blood, what he wanted to do. We had that in common, we couldn't imagine ourselves doing anything in our lives beside shadowhunting.

He felt the change of my tone.

-But, he was also a Shadowhunter once.-he replied.

-He was among the best. He killed more demons in his days than most of Shadowhunters do in a lifetime.-

I didn't answer, curled up in my thoughts.

_Maybe he deserves another chance. Maybe he could be a good parabatai. He's fighting __skills are definitely good enough._ I tried to reconcile with myself about what to do. _But, __what if he's lying? I'll be in big troubles then._

I looked at his eyes once again. They were as black as the shadows around us, but at that moment they reminded me more of the sky above our heads. The shine in them was similar to the moon above us. There wasn't all darkness about him. There could be good in him. Perhaps nobody has ever recognized it.

_By the Angel, if someone knows how it looks to be lonely, that's me. _I looked him for the first time with compassion in my eyes. _Maybe I wanted my loneliness because I know how it feels when nobody understands you properly. I have Levi by my side, but he always wanted to change me, he has never fully accepted me. Maybe this guy will._

-Sam?-he asked with delaying, like he didn't want to interrupt me in my thoughts.

I sighed, preparing myself for the biggest gambling of my life.

-I'll trust you now, Jonathan.-I said his name so I could emphasize the importance of my words.

-I'll become your _parabatai_. You've beaten me, so you did what I requested as a condition for it. But, if you ever betray me, I'll have no mercy for you.-

-I understand.-he said seriously.

-And I'm grateful to you, Sam.-

-You'll have enough chances to express your gratitude in a fight. Let's go now to the Clave now.-

I turned around, but then I felt a hand grabbing my forearm. In a second I looked back towards him, angry because he had come so close to me without my permission.

-What?!-I said, rousing my arm out of his reach.

-I can't go to the Clave.-he said.

-They'll arrest me in a second.-

_Crap, that's right._ I wanted to punch myself for not remembering such an obvious fact.

But, I have chosen to take my anger out on him.

-How did you plan to get a _parabatai_ anyway then?-

He ignored my ironical question and asked his own, not ironical, question.

-Do you have any friend who's nineteen years old already?-

I nodded, surprised by his question.

-Yes, I do. Why?-

-He can draw the rune to make me your _parabatai_. Each Shadowhunter who already has a _parabatai_ and is nineteen can do that. They have some rights and obligations the same as anyone in the Clave. Making someone person's _parabatai_ is among those rights.-

-How do you know that? I've never heard of it.-

He didn't answer, but his face told me everything_. My father told me, but you'll believe __me even less if I tell you that._ He was right, though, but his choice not to say it out loud made me ask myself if he really was ashamed of his father and his deeds. There was something in Jonathan Morgenstern I couldn't trust, but there was also a side of him that I could.

_I'll find out which side is his true one in time._ I said to myself and then started walking.

-C'mon, hurry up. We have only fifteen minutes to get to his house.-I didn't even look at Jonathan while talking. But, I could hear his footsteps few meters behind mine, following me like a materialized shadow.

**If you have any ideas how the story should go on ( after Jonathan becomes Sam's parabatai and it's pretty obvious who's the friend who'll draw the rune ) I would love to hear them. Comments on chapters published until now are also welcomed :)**


	7. Chapter 6

-Levi!-I whispered towards the open window.

-Levi!-

I heard few steps that made their way across the room like they were produced by somebody drunk. Then something snapped and light turned on. I could see Levi in front of me, his brown hair tousled, his blue eyes blurred. He was wearing a pyjama and was barefoot. He stared at me for few seconds like he wasn't sure who was in front of him, but then his gaze focused on.

-Sam!-he said in surprise.

-What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night!-

-I've found it.-I said, trying to keep my voice neutral. It would be suspicious if I was too happy, but also if I was too nervous, considering who was going to become my _parabatai_.

Levi rubbed his eyes, like he couldn't believe my words.

-You've found a _parabatai_? Who is it?-I could hear curiosity in his voice.

-You'll see.-I answered, not sure what to say.

-Get dressed, then. You must draw the rune.-

He was surprised again.

-Why me? Why didn't you go to the Clave?-

I knew he was going to ask me that. I came up with the first thing I remembered.

-I don't have enough time to go to the Clave. Please, hurry up.-

-But, I can't draw it. Someone from the Clave ... -

-Yes, you can.-I said, nervous about the time I had left.

-C'mon. We only have few minutes. We're waiting in the garden.-

He sighed, reconciled with the end of this discussion. He got back into the room to change his clothes. I left him alone and jumped from his window. It was only two meters tall, so it wasn't a problem neither to climb nor descend. I jumped down on the ground and went back in his garden to join Jonathan. We were hidden from gazes of Levi's family because they had a big appple tree which covered the side of the garden by the fence that surrounded Levi's house. I didn't bother to keep my footsteps inaudible, sure nobody will hear us, so Jonathan knew I was there before he saw me. His black eyes looked for my gaze in the second I had had sight on him again.

-Is he coming?-he asked, his voice whispering.

I nodded.

-It will only take few minutes.-

-We don't have too much time.-he said indifferently, like we were discussing tomorrow's weather.

-I know.-I answered. I looked at my watch and noticed it was 23:56. We had only four minutes, even less.

_Hurry up, Levi. If you want to keep me in Idris, hurry up._ I didn't say a word out loud, but my feet kept beating the ground. Jonathan noticed my behaviour, but said nothing and I could see no reaction on his face, if he was amused or irritated.

After two and a half minutes, which seemed like a whole eternity, Levi showed himself in front of us. He was wearing his Shadowhunter gear, like he considered this event to be a proper ceremony.

-Levi, this is Jonathan.-I said, keeping Jonathan's surname for myself.

-Jonathan, this is Levi.-

They nodded to each other, without a word. It was good enough for me. When introduction was made, I turned towards Levi.

-Let's begin.-

Nevertheless how much Levi wanted it to be a real ceremony, it was done quickly and without delaying. Jonathan and I said our vows about keeping each other's back, being closer than brother and sister, not by blood, but by friendship, defending each other until the final breath. While we were speaking, Levi was drawing the rune on our hands. I put my left hand next to Jonathan's and the line went from my hand to Jonathan's and back. When Levi was done, Jonathan and I had each a half of a rune that made us connected forever. There was no other line, but that on Jonathan's palm, that matched mine perfectly.

In the second silence fell on us three, I could hear the cry of Idris' bells, announcing midnight. I felt relief falling on me, carrying my worst worry away.

_I have a parabatai. I'll be a Shadowhunter. I will kill demons for the rest of my life, having __someone skilled enough to help me._ I looked at Jonathan, who stared at the dark sky above us. _If he will help me free willingly, that's a whole another question._

-Are you going to the Clave now, just to confirm you have a _parabatai_?-Levi asked me.

I turned towards him to answer, but Jonathan's voice cut in.

-There's no need. The Clave already knows.-

Levi and I both looked at Jonathan in surprise. He noticed our gazes, but didn't seem like he cared about our confusion. It looked like it entertained him.

-The rune that made you my _parabatai_, Sam, is a special rune. There is a special room here in Idris that can feel, so to say, when that rune is used. There is written when the rune was used and by whom. That's the way how the Clave can find out if you have had a _parabatai_ in time.-

I guessed he had found out that from his father too. But, his knowledge was suspicious to Levi, who didn't know about Jonathan's origin.

-How do you know that?-

-My family has been in the Clave for a long time.-Jonathan answered without précising.

-They've told me about some secrets that exist there.-

-What's your surname?-Levi asked, his voice not so quiet as before.

I froze, not knowing what to say. Levi will never accept Jonathan after he had heard about Jonathan's reputation and he will definitely disown me. He will never understand, I knew that.

-Fairchild.-Jonathan said without any trace of fear or doubt in his voice.

-I'm Jonathan Fairchild.-

There was a silence for few moments and then Levi's face relaxed.

-I've heard of the Fairchilds. They're one of the most powerful Shadowhunter families. Now I see how you know all this stuff.-

-What's your last name?-Jonathan asked him and real interest shone in his eyes. I couldn't say if he was just curious or he saw something useful for himself in that piece of information.

-Penhallow.-Levi said.

-My family is part of the Clave for a long time, but we don't have as much power as you do. I can't say I'm not happy with that. I've never liked politics.-

I saw Jonathan's eyes glancing at me just for a blink of an eye and then I remembered he didn't know my surname. I smiled like I was having fun in this conversation, so I had a chance to say it out loud.

-At least you have some power in the Clave. The Carstairs have been forgotten long time ago. Now the Clave's just ignoring us.-

-The Carstairs were powerful family in the past.-Jonathan sounded like he was surprised by my surname, like he expected that surname less than any other.

But, I ignored his surprise.

-And they will be again.-I smiled confidently.

-I'll make sure of that.-


	8. Chapter 7

-Your friend isn't really smart, is he?-Jonathan asked me.

Levi had already gone and the two of us were walking towards my house. I had no idea where Jonathan lived, but I knew I wouldn't let him to come into my house. He needed to know where I lived in case he was in trouble, but I had no intentions to let him too close.

His question spoiled my mood at once. I frowned.

-Watch your tongue. He's my best friend.-

-You should find a new one, then.-Jonathan answered, completely cold and indifferent. He didn't even look at me while speaking, like the ground beneath our feet was more important than me.

-Why should I?-my voice became louder, anger streaming through it.

-The room that can feel when someone uses runes.-Jonathan laughed ironically.

-I still can't believe he believed that.-

Since I had also believed that Jonathan's words about the room were truth, I had no answer. Jonathan noticed my silence.

-C'mon, Sam. Don't tell me you believed it too. I would expect it from a Penhallow, but not from a Carstairs.-

-And why is it so?-I asked, wanting to change the subject.

-As I said, now even the Penhallows have more power in the Clave than the Carstairs.-

-But once they didn't.-Jonathan said thoughtfully.

-Don't you know anything about your family's past?-

I flushed. He obviously knew more about my family than me. Until now, I didn't really care about it. I had no time to think about the people who had died a long time ago. My life has been happening now and I had other things to spend it on, like trainings. It took all my time, because being a Shadowhunter was my job, but also my greatest entertainment. There was almost nothing else I wanted to do, except for sleeping. That was the only thing I had enough strength for after six or seven hours of hard training.

-Not too much.-I said, ignoring surprised look on Jonathan's face.

-I can't believe.-his voice was surprised, almost shocked.

-You have never heard of James Carstairs?-

I shook my head, staring at the top of my shoes. I have never heard of that my ancestor. I had no idea when he had even lived. I didn't want to look at Jonathan, suddenly ashamed of my ignorance.

-You should study your family's history, Sam.-Jonathan said like a teacher in history classroom.

-You could find it very interesting.-

-Why Fairchild?-I asked suddenly, just wanting to find something else to talk about.

-Why that surname?-

For few moments, Jonathan didn't answer. I noticed he stopped walking and turned around after few steps more. I looked at him, but he avoided my gaze.

-No special reason.-he said at last.

-I have chosen a family with a lot of members, so another name won't be so suspicious. The Fairchilds are a big and powerfull family, but I could have chosen another one as well.-

_He's lying. This is something personal._ But I said nothing. I knew Jonathan wouldn't tell me. Although he was my _parabatai_, we both knew it was just a necessity for both of us. If the situation was different, we probably wouldn't even consider each other as a _parabatai_. He fought alongside demons once. But, I had no choice but to give him a chance to prove himself worthy of my trust. It was my only chance to stay Shadowhunter myself. I couldn't pick, not in the last seconds.

-You said before you needed a _parabatai_ in a short time.-I said, trying to find out at least something personal about him.

-When's your birthday?-

He turned towards me, his black eyes staring at mine again.

-It has begun five minutes ago.-he smiled gently, like he didn't expect my curiosity about himself, like nobody had asked him such a simple question for a long time.

-O.-I didn't expect such answer, but then I remembered to stretch my hand out.

-Happy birthday, Jonathan.-

He accepted it with a smile. But, that wasn't Jonathan's ordinary ironic or mocking smile, nor surprised one like moments before. This smile was warm and friendly, like he was really glad because of the congratulation.

-Thank you, Sam.-

We shook hands. I didn't expect his skin to be so warm. In the back of my mind still stood a rumour that he had demon's blood in his veins. I imagined I could feel that from coldness of his touch, see spots on his skin like on ordinary demons'. But, despite it paleness, it was normal human skin through which I could feel his pulse.

When our hands separated, we continued to walk towards my house. I put one foot in front of the other in silence. I waited for him to talk if he wanted to. I didn't mind silence. After all the things I had said and heard today, silence seemed like a blessing.

But, Jonathan interrupted it after all.

-Where would you like to go, Sam?-

I looked at him, puzzled. I had no idea what he was talking about.

-What do you mean?-

-Do you want to stay in Idris or go somewhere else and hunt demons there?-I could see curiosity in his black eyes.

I shrugged.

-I don't know, I've never thought of that.-I said.

-I suppose you'd rather go somewhere far away from here. Somewhere nobody knows who you are.-

-Somewhere nobody knows who my father was.-he corrected me, but gently, and then nodded.

-But, you're right. I'd rather we ask the Clave to go out of Idris. Anywhere but here and New York.-

-Crap, I've always wanted to see New York.-I laughed.

_Have I just joked with him?_ I asked myself in surprise. I didn't joke with anyone except for Levi. Only around him I was relaxed enough. And now I said something like this in front of Jonathan.

But, Jonathan didn't even notice my joke. His face has still been serious. That made me serious again.

-Why not New York?-there was no laugh left in my voice.

-Please, just not there.-he said and I could hear in his voice he will say no more about it.

_Maybe I should beat him up and pull it out of him._ I thought, but remembered how he had beaten me before. _Not today, then. I'm too tired. Maybe tomorrow._

-OK, where do you wanna go?-I asked, having no particular place in mind.

I wanted to leave Idris because before Valentine Morgenstern's army no demon attacked Idris in twenty five years. I didn't want to grow old waiting for some demon to collect its courage and attack. But, I have never thought about which city would be good to visit. There were Institutes all over the world, so we could apply for any of them and hope they will accept us. I had no doubts about the latter.

-I would like a city somewhere in Europe.-Jonathan said thoughtfully.

-A city with history. They're always more interesting. And a capital, of course. More demons to slaughter.-

-Sure.-I agreed. I didn't want some city in the middle of nowhere where the only demon is some mad countryman.

-I want a city where some famous Shadowhunters lived. I want to see what we can do compare to them.-

-Then I have the perfect place for you, Sam.-Jonathan smiled secretively.

-It's famous for, among the others, Carstairs name.-

-Which one?-I asked curiously, not just because the place itself, but because of him mentioning my family.

Smile didn't leave his face.

-London.-


	9. Chapter 8

**In this chapter there will be mentioning of the characters from The Infernal Devices trilogy. It's just the basics of the plot, so it won't reveal too much from the books. I hope you won't mind it.**

-Do you know who this man was, Sam?-Jonathan asked me, pointing at one of the paintings on the wall.

We had arrived in the London Institute half an hour ago and now we have been researching our new home. We have walked through one of the many corridors in the Institute and stopped next to the picture Jonathan had pointed at.

I looked at the picture. There was a young man, somewhere of our age. He was skinny, but not like he hadn't eaten enough. He looked more like a victim of some disease. He had dark rings under his eyes and his skin was pale almost like the walls around the picture. His hair was silver and its curls hid parts of his face. But, most striking feature were his eyes. They were as silver as his hair. But, although I could reconcile with his hair colour, though it wasn't usual for such a young man, his eyes shocked me.

They were beautiful, hiding a thoughtful mind behind their gaze, but their colour was strange and I couldn't help myself but holding my breath.

-No.-I shook my head, trying to calm myself by showing some interest. For the first time I could remember, I was actually interested in history of some man.

-Who was he?-

Jonathan smiled.

-James Carstairs.-

I remembered Jonathan had mentioned him while we had been in Idris.

_So, he is my ancestor._ I couldn't take my eyes of James's face. I tried to find some similarities between him and myself. I could see he had my father's eyes, even if they weren't the same colour, and so I guessed mine looked exactly alike.

-When did he live?-I asked curiously.

-Victorian era. The end of nineteenth century.-Jonathan replied, studying other portraits on the wall next to James's.

-You said he had been famous.-I said, wondering what my ancestor had been famous for. I hoped he had been a great Shadowhunter, who had once walked down the path I was about to start.

Jonathan laughed and I didn't like the irony in his laugh.

-Yes, he was famous. In fact, because of him and his _parabatai_ the law about having a _parabatai_ was voted in the first place.-

He looked left of James's portrait and I followed his gaze. Next portrait showed a girl a year or two younger than James. She had long brown hair and blue-gray eyes. Unlike James, she wasn't wearing black Shadowhunter gear, but a long gray dress.

-This is his _parabatai_?-I asked, disappointed. She looked like any demon could eat her for breakfast.

Jonathan laughed again.

-Of course not. That was nineteenth century, Sam. It would be scandalous at the time for a woman to have a man for a _parabatai_.-

-Who was James's _parabatai_ then?-I asked, irritated by the fact Jonathan knew everything and I knew nothing.

-And who is she?-

-His _parabatai_ is one more portrait on the left.-Jonathan answered.

-William Herondale.-

I looked at the portrait of another young man. He was handsome, black hair surrounding beautiful face features. His eyes were blue like sea. He also wore Shadowhunter gear. He looked a bit arrogant, opposite of modesty on James's face. He reminded me of someone, but I couldn't remember of whom.

-And the woman is Theresa Gray, known as Tessa.-Jonathan continued.

-They both loved her.-

I stared at the girl's eyes, angry with her about something. I didn't know why, but I didn't like her.

-Who did she choose?-I asked as indifferently as I could.

For few seconds, Jonathan didn't answer. I was surprised, because he didn't hold his knowledge back until now. But, at last she shrugged.

-She chose both of them, in some way.-

I raised my eyebrows.

-And they both agreed?-

Jonathan nodded.

-They were best friends, William and James. They couldn't hate each other, couldn't hurt each other, not even to gain Tessa's love.-

I found that hard to believe, but I trusted Jonathan's story. I stared at the girl on the portrait.

_That wasn't fair of you. You should have left them alone. James was William's best __friend and his parabatai. How could you stand between them?_

Jonathan noticed my unsatisfied face expression.

-What is it, Sam? You don't like Herondale because he stood between James and Tessa?-

I looked at him, puzzled. I had no idea why I should hate William Herondale. Then I remembered James was my ancestor, so it probably sounded logically that I will be on his side. But, I shook my head.

-Not at all. Tessa is the one I don't like.-

Now Jonathan was the confused one.

-Why?-

-She knew they were best friends. I don't get it how she could even risk being the reason for the end of their friendship. If the things had been different, William and James could have hated each other for the rest of their lives.-I explained.

Jonathan thought about my words for a few moments.

-What would you do if you were her?-he asked.

-I would leave them both. Make sure they never see me again.-I answered like radically.

-But, they loved each other. Wouldn't that break both of their hearts, and Tessa's as well?-Jonathan continued to interrogate me.

-But, they would still have their friendship to comfort them. And if she loved them so much, she would leave them,for their friendship's sake.-I said, looking with accusation at Tessa for not doing so.

There was a silence for few moments in the corridor. Then Jonathan spoke again.

-So, you would put friendship before love?-

I nodded, sure of my answer.

-Love isn't as reliable as friendship. Love makes people stupid, friendship doesn't.-

Jonathan shrugged.

-I don't think your ancestor would agree.-

I turned towards him.

-Maybe he wouldn't.-I said, suddenly curious.

-Would you?-

Jonathan smiled with secrecy in his black eyes.

-Maybe I would.-


	10. Chapter 9

-Damn it!-I whispered through my teeth, feeling the pain streaming through the left side of my back, just above the kidneys.

Since I was fighting with four demons at once, one of them managed to pierce me with one of his horns. It wasn't of use to him very much because I stabbed him back with my Seraph blade a second later. But it still distracted me. Blood was running from the wound, soaking my gear and making my skin slippery. I couldn't move as smoothly as before, especially the left half of my body. The only good news was that my weaker side was wounded. My right one still had all its killer instincts, so I could continue to fight, driving the blade through demons' bodies. The continuation of the fight made me forget about the injury and even the pain for some time. It was because I had none of it to think about either.

I managed to kill two out of three of remained demons, but the last one found itself suddenly behind my back. In the moment I couldn't see it, but I could feel his preparation for attack. I tried to cut it by putting the Seraph blade in front of my back, but I couldn't. The pain in the back stopped my movement and I was unprotected. I didn't have enough time to turn around and use the other blade.

I felt my pulse speeding up. I was at demon's mercy and they weren't known for their merciful characters. In that second I could only hope this demon was a poor shooter, because I couldn't save myself. I could feel weakness overwhelming me.

_That bloody demonic bastard must have poisoned me._ I thought, trying to think of something that will save my life.

But, nothing came on my mind. I was losing blood quickly and demons' poison was streaming through my veins. My injury was too sensitive for any kind of movement, even for dodging another poisoned horn.

_Crap, crap, crap! _I repeated, knowing that the horn was coming. I felt fear following poison through my veins, overwhelming every part of my body. I wasn't used to be helpless, and now that I was, I started to panic. I didn't know what to do, I stood frozen in the middle of battlefield.

Suddenly, I heard noise behind my back, a horn crossing paths with a Seraph blade. In few moments, someone was standing in front of me.

-Sam!-Jonathan yelled.

That was the first time he had saved my life.

* * *

The day after Jonathan had become my _parabatai_, I had left to the Clave to made a request for joining the London Institute. I had told them our names and showed my half of _parabatai_ rune. A man I had been talking to had frowned when I had told him that the rune was made outside of Clave's chambers, but I used lack of time, not the appearance of my _parabatai_, as an excuse and he had believed it. He didn't question Jonathan's name, which showed me Jonathan's cunning by picking the surname. Another Fairchild was suspect to nobody, as that surname was spread all around the world.

The next day we had already been on a plane to London. Since I have never travelled outside Idris, I had been excited like a child. Jonathan had found my excitement amusing; I could have seen it in almost mocking shine of his black eyes. But, I hadn't care and nothing could have spoiled my first travel.

It had been only three weeks since our arrival in London before we were sent into the big fight that included more than fifty other Shadowhunters. We had fought other demons in those three weeks, but this had been one of the biggest battles I have ever taken part in, maybe the second biggest after Idris. But, until this fight I had still seen having a _parabatai_ as something I was forced to. I tried to look after Jonathan, but his well-being had been secondary thing on my mind and I had believed my well-being had also been less important to him than fighting.

But, in that moment, when he protected me, I finally understood that having a _parabatai_ had its advantages. And I was determined to return the favour the first time I had the chance.


	11. Chapter 10

It was just behind him. Big ugly demon with six legs and a tail which looked like a club. It flew around, trying to knock down and smash every Shadowhunter on its way.

But, Jonathan didn't see it. I couldn't blame him for being distracted because he was fighting another demon which was spitting fire towards him. I also waged a battle of my own against a demon with claws sharp as a knives.

But, in seven months I have spent in London, I have learned to always look after my _parabatai_ with corner of an eye. I have learned to care about him more than for any other person in my life. I was always there for him, as he was there for me.

The tail-club flew towards Jonathan's back. I threw the Seraph blade out of my right hand while stabbing the demon with claws with the blade from my left. The demon in front of me vanished and I followed the path of the thrown Seraph blade. It collided with the tail and cut it in half.

The demon vanished and I ran towards the blade, picking it up and continuing to fight. In the second there was no demon in front of me, I caught Jonathan's gaze. He was smiling.

-Thanks!-he formed the word with his lips.

_I have to warn him he's becoming reckless._ I laughed to myself and him at once. I nodded, wanting him to realise I got the message. We rarely needed words to express our thoughts during the fight. We got to know each other better with every fight that had passed. I guessed we were both such characters, open to each other when it mattered the most.

In few minutes the battle was over. This hadn't been big group of demons, so we defeated them without too much trouble. Alongside us, there were four other Shadowhunters from the London Institute. We had come to the location of the battle, in the middle of Trafalgar square, around 3 a. m., so we had just enough time to clean everything before thousands of London's mudanes wake up. I looked up towards the sky like I could find out there how much time has really passed since the beginning of the battle. But, there was only black sky. Because of street lamps I could see no stars above us and that was one of the things I missed the most from Idris. I got used to everything in London, the noise, the frequent rain, the traffic jams, but I would still become homesick sometimes. But, we were often called into a fight and in a second the fight would start, it made me feel I was home again, with Seraph blades in my hand, doing what I loved the most.

While putting one of the remaining fires off, I felt a hand on my shoulder. It has become so familiar in the last few months that I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was.

-Thanks for saving me from that tail-club.-Jonathan said, accompanying me to the nextfire.

-You thought it looked like a club too?-I laughed, turning eventually towards him.

-You're becoming reckless, you know. I saved you in the last battle too.-

Jonathan sighed theatrically.

-I'm just making sure you'll do your _parabatai_ duty, that's all.-

-Knowing that now, I won't save you next time.-I crossed my hands over my chest, pretending serious and insulted.

-Then we'll see how you'll get out without my help.-

He seemed surprised by my attitude.

-That's cruel, Sam.-he said.

-You wouldn't really leave me unprotected if it was matter of life and death, would you?-

-Without a moment of hesitation.-I stood emotionless for a moment, but then I saw his face. He really believed I was serious. I could see disappointment in features of his face, like I had betrayed him. But, there was something else in his eyes I couldn't read, something I have never seen before on his face. It made me feel uncomfortable and I had to stop that emotion in his gaze, so I laughed.

-C'mon, Jonathan, you know I wouldn't do that to you. You're my _parabatai_ and I'll protect you with my life.-

The moment I said that, I shivered.

_Will I do that? Am I ready to die for him? And will he do the same for me? _I asked myself. _Have I said it just because it's expected to be said to your parabatai? Most __of the Shadowhunters choose someone they care about as parabatai, their friends, their __family. But, Jonathan wasn't my family or my friend when he became my parabatai._

Suddenly, I couldn't look at his eyes. I feared that he will know my thoughts and find himself insulted or, even worse, be expected to do something he wasn't prepare to do. I didn't know if our relationship was still an agreement made for both of us to remain Shadowhunters or it had developed into friendship, so in the case of the first I had no right to expect him to sacrifice himself for me.

After few moments of silence, I felt his hand touching my upper arm. I didn't like to be touched, not even by people. I looked at his face, ready to protest, but I froze when I saw the expression of his face.

-I certainly hope you won't have to do that.-there was some strange emotion in his voice, something similar to sorrow.

I was confused by his behaviour. He never expressed his feelings and worries so openly and I couldn't believe he cared for me so much. I still remembered the battle in Idris and on which side he had been. Because of that, I have still doubted him.

But, in this seven months we have spent in London, he gave me no reason to doubt his intentions. He was a _parabatai_ I could only wish for. We fought alongside each other like we had done that all our lives. During the battles, we performed all sorts of tactics we hadn't even set up before the fight. Just in a second, I had been attacking and he had been covering me or the other way around. He had been hiding me with his body from gazes of demons and I had been jumping out from behind him, giving the demons an unpleasant surprise. We understood each other even without words. We protected each other. In a fight, the two of us were invincible combination and everyone in the Institute admired us.

But, I couldn't say we talked much in our free time. My favourite hobby, besides sleeping, was reading and we couldn't exactly read the same book at the same time. I had been surprised indeed when I had found out he loved books too. We sat in the Institute's library for hours, our noses stuck between book covers. We almost pretend like the other one didn't exist in the time of reading. To all the other Shadowhunters we were the weirdest pair of _parabatai_ they have ever seen, but nobody said anything. Jonathan and I were both satisfied with that.

-Would you do it for me?-I asked, feeling uncomfortable because of his words and finally having a chance to find out his opinion about our maybe-friendship.

For few moments, he was speechless.

-I don't know.-he said at last.

I felt insulted, thankful and ashamed in the same time. Insulted because he still put himself before me, thankful because he was honest with me and didn't claim that he would sacrifice himself for me without second thought if he wouldn't , and ashamed because I wasn't sure either that I would die for my _parabatai_.

-Honestly, I don't know if I would die for you too.-I said with an apology in my voice, but feeling I had to be honest as well.

Jonathan's features relaxed and he smiled, what surprised me.

-No promises, Sam. In the moment, we'll see. Until then, we'll just look after each other.-

I relaxed too, happy that he shared my opinion.

-Good enough for me.-

-Jonathan! Sam!-I heard someone calling us.

I turned around and saw Amelia Wayland, one of the four other Shadowhunters who had fought alongside us and the leader of the London Institute, coming towards us.

She was fifteen years older than us, already married and mother of two years old twins, Caroline and Elizabeth. She had long brown hair and green eyes that could become stricter than my mother's. She obeyed the Law and didn't like to break the rules. I didn't like her very much because she didn't give us much freedom. Every attack had to be planned to the last detail and nobody was allowed to leave their post, so others would always know where to look for help. Luckily, Jonathan was bad in obeying her rules just like me, so we often ended in completely other place than her plans. The only thing that saved us from being grounded every time was that we fought so well she couldn't imagine sending a group without us and our improvisation always turned out to be better than her carefully designed plans.

-Are you OK?-Amelia asked, her gaze quickly scanning us.

We both nodded, but we didn't move until she ended her check of our possible injuries. We have already got used to that.

When she was convinced we were alright, she sighed.

-This isn't normal. Five demon attacks in a week. I don't know where all that creatures come from. We have never had so much battles in such a short time.-

I couldn't agree with her complaints because I enjoyed adrenaline that would stream through my blood when I fought, but it was strange that so many demons ran through London. We hadn't fought that often when we had arrived, it has been like this only for the last few weeks.

-Maybe we should track the person who is summoning all that demons.-I suggested.

-It would be easier to get rid of him or her and spare ourselves needless fights.-

Amelia looked me with surprise in her eyes, like she didn't expect such logical, but also fight-avoiding suggestion from me.

_To be honest, I didn't expect it myself._ I laughed in my mind.

-Sam is right.-Jonathan supported me.

-There is more risk that someone would get injured or killed in fight against demons. It would be much easier and safer to find the person responsible for this mess.-

-We can do it if you want.-I added.

_We can play Sherlock Holmes At last, we're in London__._ I thought, amused. _I'd like to be a detective._

Amelia stared at us for few more seconds, then shrugged.

-You can do it, but wait for few more days. I asked reinforcements from the Clave because of all this demons, so some newcomers will arrive soon. Wait for them. They are about the same age as you, they could help with the investigation.-

I didn't like her opinion that we needed someone's help, so I frowned. Amelia ignored my dissatisfaction and continued to talk like I had shown no reaction at all.

-They'll arrive from New York by the end of the week. I just hope there will be no more demon attacks until then.-

I thought that conversation was over, so I turned around. I wanted to move away from Amelia, so I could find something else to take it out on. But, Jonathan didn't move. His face suddenly became paler that it usually was.

-They are from New York? What are their names?-

Amelia smiled to his nervousness.

-I know what you two will say.-her gaze crossed me as well.

-Don't worry, I heard that they are great Shadowhunters. They won't hold you back.-

_It's better for them that they don't._ I thought.

But, her words didn't calm Jonathan.

-What are their names?-he repeated.

Amelia seemed surprised by his curiosity, but didn't comment.

-Two Lightwood siblings and their adopted brother. Their names are Alexander, Isabelle and Jace.-she said.

-Then it's Morgenstern girl, I think it's Clarissa. There was a talk about some vampire also to come, but I don't know what is agreed about him.-

Their names were familiar from somewhere.

_Jace Lightwood._ I remembered. _My once ought-to-be parabatai. Of course._ _And I even __remember Isabelle Lightwood._

I thought about the other names. Alexander didn't sound familiar, neither did Clarissa, but Morgenstern did.

_Jonathan's relative._ I realized. _And since he is so pale right now, she must be a close __relative too. And a problematic one._

I wanted to know why Jonathan was so nervous about her coming, but I didn't want to hear it in front of Amelia. I knew Jonathan also wouldn't say a word in front of her. We had to get away in order to talk about this news.

-OK, we'll wait.-I said, looking at Amelia.

-Can we have some free time now?-

Amelia was surprised again, but nodded.

-Sure you can. But, won't you come back to the Institute?-

I shook my head.

-Later. My _parabatai_ and I have something important to talk about.-

She raised her eyebrows, suspicious. I had no time or will to tolerate her interfering.

-It's about the person who summons the demons. But, you would laugh to my theory, Amelia. I'll tell Jonathan first. If he laughs too, then I'll know it's a rubbish.-

A shade of colour came back to Jonathan's cheeks. He was holding a laugh back right now, I could see it. My joke also erased doubts from Amelia's eyes, as it ought to.

-Very well.-she said.

-But, please, come back soon. As the situation seems, I won't be surprised if there will be more than one demon attack a day.-

I smiled and pulled Jonathan's hand, showing him to follow me.

-If we see some demons, we'll let you know.-

I heard her sigh behind our back, like she was tired of my ironical jokes. But, I didn't care too much. It was the safest way to get rid of her. And I didn't want to have Amelia around while interrogating Jonathan.

_It will be hard to get answers from him, no matter if she's here or not._ I knew. _But, I __can always call to me being his parabatai, and if that doesn't work, to the law of my __fists. _

I smiled, walking through quiet streets of London, pulling my _parabatai_ as if he were a child. He was so quiet I would thought I lost him if I didn't hold him arm tight. My mind tried to focus on the problem of the person who was summoning the demons, but I couldn't stop thinking about the thing that troubled Jonathan. It was almost strange to put his feelings before the crucial problem. I have never needed to choose between such things because Jonathan never seemed nervous or hurt. He was just Jonathan, sarcastic, indifferent, calm, the best fighter I have known, my _parabatai_.

_How does he see me?_ I suddenly wondered and then shook my head slightly, to literally kick the thought out of my head. _The thing with the Morgenstern girl first. Then __demons. Then shadowhunting. Then ... we'll see._


	12. Chapter 11

-OK, I'm listening.-I said when we sat on bench on Thames's shore near Big Ben.

Jonathan didn't even try to pretend he didn't know what I was talking about. His face was pale like vampire's, his breathing heavy.

-She's my sister.-he said.

I waited for him to continue, but he didn't, like he had said everything he needed. But, that wasn't good enough for me.

-So what?-I got up and crossed my hands over my chest, angry with him for making so much trouble over such a small thing.

My dissatisfaction caused his, but at least his skin was gaining colour again.

-Don't be a fool, Sam. You know who my father was.-he sighed.

-She and the rest of them will recognize me immediately. And then will everybody else. There is no chance I'll get out.-

I stood in silence for few moments. That wasn't enough information. If he wanted my help, he had to trust me.

-What have you done to them?-I asked, curious about the answer, but also afraid in the same time.

He looked at me again with the feeling so similar to sorrow in his eyes. I couldn't guess yet what it meant, but it was the warmest feeling I have ever seen in that blackness.

-Nothing that can be made up for.-he said at last.

-Be specific.-I ordered, but he ignored my words.

He leaned on the bench and stared at Thames like he could see secrets on its surface that will tell him how to redeem himself.

But, it didn't want to be shut out of his thoughts.

_I finally got used to have a parabatai. To have Jonathan as my parabatai. And I don't __even want anyone else._

Whatever he had done to them, I had nothing to do with it. Jonathan I knew protected my life in fights, understood my ways of thinking, had the same opinion about shadowhunting, told me stories about my own family. He has never tried to change me, has never complained about any of my flaws, which I knew I had many. In the last few months he has become most important person in my life. I got used to him being around me. To think of the London Institute without him felt insecure, maybe even lonely. There would be no more the weirdest pair of _parabatai_, just a weird Shadowhunter girl with no friends.

_He has never done anything wrong to me._ Maybe that wasn't the exact definition of a friend, but I had no intentions to let anyone take my _parabatai_ away from me.

-I'll help you if you want me to.-

His gaze separated from the water and looked into my eyes.

-Why? If I could be honest with you now, you'd leave me immediately, regretting for every second of being a _parabatai_ to someone like me.-he sounded angry, but I couldn't say if he was angry with me or with himself.

-Why can't you?-I leaned my left leg on the bench and put my hands on my knee. Our faces got closer, but I didn't move my gaze from his eyes.

-Because I ... -for the first time since I have met him, Jonathan was speechless. He looked like he was fighting with himself, deciding whether to say the words or not.

I had patience. I didn't interrupt or hurry him. I have just waited until he interrupted the silence again.

-All the rumours you've heard back in Idris are true, Sam. I do have demons' blood in my veins.-

I forced myself not to hold breath. It was one thing to doubt something was true and completely another to know that it is true. But, I kept my face expression unchanged.

-What does that have to do with this situation?-luckily, my voice didn't shiver.

-I've done bad things. So bad that they can't ever be forgiven. And I've done them without any pricks of conscience. It was in my nature and I didn't even think of it. My sister and her company will try to kill me the first moment they see me.-

I felt my pulse increasing. He had said words that made me wonder if I had been completely reckless when I had chosen him as my _parabatai_. But, I still didn't give up, I kept asking questions.

-They don't know you're alive, do they?-

-No, they don't.-he said.

-That's why I wanted to go anywhere but to New York. I've hoped that I'll never see her or her friends again.-

_Obviously, your hope was in vain._ but, I didn't say that. This was not the time for sarcasm.

-But, you came to look for a _parabatai_. Why didn't you run away and leave Shadowhunters behind you? There would be no chance for something like this to happen.-

Suddenly, he smiled. It wasn't a happy smile, just one of sarcastic smiles typical for Jonathan.

-I thought you know me better than to ask me that, Sam.-

I thought for a second.

_Shadowhunting is his life as well as mine._ I understood what he meant. _He couldn't __have left it, not even to save his own life._

I nodded and he understood the message. It was our way of communication. But, I have something on my mind that I needed words for.

-I've said to you once that I'll trust you as long as you show yourself worthy of my trust.-I said slowly, trying to find the right words.

-You have done so, Jonathan. You protected me when I needed it. You have been a perfect _parabatai_. I would lie if I said differently.-

He said nothing, just continued to stare in my eyes. I could read nothing from his face features, like he had suddenly become a statue.

-To your sister and the rest of her gang you are an enemy, but to me you have become a friend. I don't know exactly who you were, but I know who you are now. And I'm not interested in changing my _parabatai_.-

He sat in silence for few moments while I was catching my breath.

-But, you'll be punished too. You have known all this time who I am and you didn't tell it to the Clave.-he said.

_He cares for me._ I was surprised. _He has demons' blood in his veins, he has done terrible things in his past and now he's worried about my future._

-I don't give a damn about the Clave.-I growled, expressing my anger.

-You and I both know that we probably would never become each other's _parabatai_ if there wasn't the Clave's stupid law. But, we obeyed their law. They have no right to order us to separate now.-

Jonathan's smile contained sarcasm again.

-You're a fool if you think so, Sam. They don't care if they have rights or not. They'll kill me and punish you the moment they find out who I am.-

-Then they won't find out.-I raged, not because he had called me a fool.

-It's important only that your sister and her friends don't see you. You can hide from them and I'll cover you.-

-We'll meet, that can't be avoided.-he sighed.

-We just need to find out who has been summoning demons. If we solve that and defeat him or her, they'll go back in New York.-I knew I was very optimistic, maybe even too much, but I didn't want to just stand and wait for the truth to be found out.

-Then everything will be alright.-

-But, it could take weeks, months.-Jonathan said, but I could hear in his voice that he was giving up. I knew that because I have never heard that tone from him before. He never gave up.

-C'mon, we are smart.-I smiled, pretending arrogant.

-It can't take that long. We'll solve this and send them back to USA with the first plan available.-

Jonathan got up on his feet.

-But, how will you cover me?-

I waved my hand and started to walk in direction of the Institute.

-Don't worry. I already have a thing or two on my mind.-


	13. Chapter 12

It was Friday afternoon and I was sitting in the Institute's library, reading Jane Austen's _Pride and prejudice_. People would never guess, but it was one of my favourite books. I was glad that this library contained even mundanes' books. They maybe have been ignorant of what was really happening around them, but they definitely have had rich imagination.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps, so many of them that they belonged to more than one person. In few seconds, the door of the library opened. I looked up from the page and saw Amelia, who was followed by several persons. She walked deeply into the library, so everyone behind her back could enter as well.

-This is the Institute's library.-Amelia said, waving her hand without too much interest, like she was in the middle of some empty, dusty room.

-And this is one of our Shadowhunters, Sam.-

When she pointed at me, all of the gazes stopped on me. I nodded, recognizing some of the faces. The most familiar face was right behind Amelia. It was Jace Lightwood.

-Hi.-he said, obviously surprised to see me here.

-Hi.-I nodded in return and then turned my gaze back to my book. One part of my plan for covering Jonathan was to seem disinterested about their arrival.

Amelia wasn't pleased with my behaviour.

-Would you introduce yourself properly, Sam?-he voice was annoyingly strict again.

But, I ignored it.

-That won't be necessary.-I waved my hand.

-We've met already. Back in Idris.-I hurried to explain so I avoided her question.

-I see you have found a _parabatai_.-I heard a female voice that I recognized. Isabelle.

-If that's the case, I'll leave them here with you.-Amelia said and that caused my complaints.

-I'm not in a mood for sight-seeing tour around the Institute right now.-I said, trying to keep my voice calm. It was hard to show respect to someone you thought one didn't deserve. Amelia was definitely in that category.

But, surprisingly, she wasn't annoyed by my rudeness. She seemed like she didn't even notice, like she had something else on her mind.

-I've shown them around already. You can explain them our situation.-

-I'm reading.-I raised the book in my hand above my head and shook it, just to point it out.

But, she ignored that too.

-I have something else to do and I can't do it myself. Please, Sam.-

_She is actually begging me._ I was surprised. _But, I have to tell them, sooner or later. It would be the best to tell them now. If they know, maybe there'll be no meetings which both Jonathan and I would have to attend. This is a good opportunity._

I nodded shortly, looking at Amelia. I saw her face relaxed and then she left the room.

I opened my book again, focusing on the words. I heard creaking of a chair when somebody sat next to me. I tried my best not to look, pretending that I didn't notice anything unusual.

-So, who had the honour?-I heard Jace's voice to my right.

-Who could match Idris's best Shadowhunter beside me?-

-My _parabatai_ can defeat you easily. I was lucky you didn't accept me as a _parabatai_.-I said, my tone easy going, but still holding attention on the book.

-So, your _parabatai_ must be a guy.-he concluded.

I was caught off guard for a second because he guessed so easily, but then I laughed.

-Why do you think so?-

-You didn't want to say that he or she can easily defeat me. I think you'd have no problems with admitting if your _parabatai_ was a girl. So, it's obviously a guy. And, on top of that, a girl could never defeat me.-with corner of my eye, I saw Jace shrugging, absolutely self-confident. It was time to draw him back down on the Earth.

-I defeated you in Idris.-I reminded him, closing the book and turning to look at him.

-No, you didn't. We were even.-he smiled sweetly with shade of irony.

I liked neither the smile nor remembering of my first not-victory. But, I kept my voice calm and mildly sarcastic.

-Still, maybe you're wrong about my _parabatai_. Maybe I knew you'd think that my _parabatai_ was a guy if I don't point it out.-

-And why wouldn't you tell me?-his golden eyes shone cunningly.

-Maybe I just want to prove you're not as smart as you think you are.-I smiled sweetly-ironically, imitating his smile from seconds before.

-A blow below belt, Jace.-I heard a laugh and a voice behind my back and turned around.

It was that black-haired, blue-eyed guy I guessed to be Isabelle's brother. I nodded gallantly in his direction.

-Thank you.-

He nodded in return.

-I'm Alec, by the way.-

-You just had to support her, didn't you, my always-want-to-ruin-me _parabatai_?-Jace's voice was ironical, but not angry.

The blue-eyed guy, Alec, laughed again.

-I'm sorry, Jace, but I admire people who manage to talk to you more than five minutes without getting irritated. And this girl managed even to leave you speechless.-

-She did not.-Jace said and then his gaze returned to me.

-Well, we're turning away from the subject. Who's your _parabatai_?-

-It's a surprise.-I said cheerfully, enjoying in holding him in suspense.

-But, if you want to know so badly, you can go and try to find my _parabatai_. You'd do a favour to me. We have something important to discuss.-

-And what's that?-he asked, but with less interest than before. He didn't enjoy the idea of doing a favour to me after I had been so ironical and sarcastic during our conversation.

But, I still wasn't over.

-I don't like the way potatoes are cooked here. I thought my _parabatai _could go into the kitchen and complain. After all, I'm the good half of our pair.-

-If you're a good half, I can't imagine what your _parabatai_ is like.-I heard another voice.

It was the red-haired girl, the one I had wanted to punch so badly when we had been in Idris. I didn't notice her until now because she stood behind one of the bookcases. But, she was the last person that had entered the room with Amelia and according the names Amelia had told me, she was the biggest trouble of them all.

-Oh, I remember you.-my tone was mocking.

-You're the one I wanted to punch back in Idris for being rude.-

-I would like to see you try.-she smiled confidently.

-I don't hit the ones weaker than me.-I enjoyed anger raising on her face.

-I'm not weaker than you.-she couldn't hold herself back.

I laughed loudly.

-Can you beat Jace?-

She stood in silence for few moments, then shook her head.

-Then you can't beat me either. That makes you weaker than me.-I said slowly, like I was explaining maths to eight-year old kid.

Nobody said anything, but I could see on their faces I was annoying them.

_That's great._ I thought. _If they are irritated by me, they'll stay away from Jonathan as __well. But, I really don't understand, I'm such a good company._ I laughed ironically, but not let them to see it. I stood up and walked towards the door with _Pride and prejudice _still in my hand. When I was at the door, I turned around.

-See you later, New Yorkers.-I smiled.

-Welcome to London.-


	14. Chapter 13

-They're here.-I said, walking into Jonathan's bedroom.

He was sitting on his bed with thoughtful expression on his face. At first sight, it looked like he hadn't even noticed me, but then his eyes caught my gaze.

-I've heard.-he said neutrally.

-When can I expect the Clave on my door?-

-With extremely bad luck, tomorrow afternoon.-I smiled.

His eyebrows rose, like he thought I was joking. I waved my hand.

-Don't worry. I irritated them so much I think they'll skip dinner just to avoid seeing me. And I even said I was the good half.-

Jonathan didn't find my story as funny as I had thought he would. He was still expressionless like a statue.

-What do they know about me?-

-Just that you exist.-I smiled.

-They don't even know you're a guy. I've been very careful. _Parabatai_ has been my favourite word, if you can believe it.-

Finally, he smiled. It wasn't a big smile, but it was Jonathan's good old mocking smile.

-Now I see what you meant by irritating them.-

-I have a degree in that area.-I laughed.

-But, when Amelia calls us for a meeting, there will still be problems.-Jonathan's smile was lost in a moment.

His words reminded me.

_Crap! I forgot to tell them._ I wanted to punch myself for being so careless about that. But, I didn't. My brain had better things to do, like coming up with an idea how Jonathan could avoid going on the meeting.

-I'll say you don't feel well. And we'll do some research without you.-I came up with nothing better and Jonathan knew it was a crap of a plan.

-I've never been sick before. They'll be either suspicious or too worried about me. If they call the Silent Brothers, I can as well hand myself over to the Clave right now.-

I crossed my hands over my chest, considering our options.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Both of our gazes turned to Amelia, who came in.

-We'll have meeting in five minutes linked to the person who summons demons.-she said and was gone in a second. She didn't wait for our answer, so we couldn't complain.

When the door closed behind Amelia, Jonathan looked at me.

-What are we going to do now, Sam?-

I didn't have enough time for any large action. We had to try and hope they will buy it.

-Stay here. I'll try my best.-I said and followed Amelia's example. I left the room before Jonathan could say a word.

* * *

There were seven persons sitting in the dining room. Four of newcomers, Amelia, her husband Thomas Wayland and I. I came the last one, probably because I was the last one who had found out about the meeting. That was also probably the only reason Amelia didn't complain. But, when I closed the door behind me, she frowned.

-Where's Jonathan?-

I looked at her calmly.

-He doesn't feel very well. He's gone to sleep.-

-Why didn't he say something when I came to his room?-the interrogating continued.

-I've barely convinced him to skip this meeting. He's some bad headache. There's no need for him to tire out himself, I'll tell him everything he needs to know.-

-Maybe we should call the Silent Brothers.-Thomas suggested.

-There's no need.-I said, trying to keep my voice calm and unworried.

-He'll be fine tomorrow. He just needs some rest.-

I sat on the opposite side of the table from Jace, next to Isabelle.

-I knew your _parabatai_ was a guy.-Jace whispered to me.

-Good for you.-I said ironically and turned my attention towards Amelia.

She noticed I wasn't behaving nicely, but didn't comment anything. I guessed she thought her gaze was speaking for her.

-So, the reason why you've come here is: We need to track down a warlock responsible for the recent demons' attacks.-

_Warlock may be summoning demons, but someone else entirely could be behind this. __We've never had any problems with London's warlocks._ I thought, but said nothing. I continued to listen to Amelia.

-For a start, we'll visit every warlock in London. We'll see if they know anything about this.-

-I'm sorry.-Jace interrupted, not sounding sorry.

-But, how are we going to find every warlock in London? There must be hundreds of them.-

Amelia wasn't distracted by his question.

-Only very powerful warlocks can summon so many demons. There are four warlocks in London that are enough powerful.-

-So, we'll pay them a visit and have a tea party.-Jace smiled.

Once again, Amelia didn't pay even a slightest attention to him. I was really impressed how she wasn't annoyed by Jace and yet dissatisfied she was constantly annoyed by me.

-Thomas and I will visit one of them tonight.-she said, commanding the situation.

-Five of you can visit the other one.-

At that second the room exploded with shouting and yelling.

-I'm not going anywhere with them!-I protested.

-She has her _parabatai_! She can go with him!-the red-haired girl shouted.

-Enough!-Thomas shouted suddenly.

Everybody listened in a second. Thomas was the calmer one between the Waylands, so making him angry was really a bad idea. He could be more dangerous that his wife if he was really pissed off. And obviously he was.

-You said Jonathan isn't well enough.-he said, talking to me.

-And you can't go alone to a warlock's place. On the other hand, they,-he pointed towards teenagers sitting around me.-Need a guide through London. So, you'll go together, understood?-

I still wanted to protest, but he was right. I nodded my head calmly.

-OK, I'll do it.-

Amelia nodded her head. I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw her caressing her husband's shoulder for solving the situation, like he was a pet.

-That's settled, then. Get ready. We are leaving in ten minutes.-


	15. Chapter 14

_By the Angel, can't they stop talking for just ten seconds?_ I sighed.

I was walking with the company from New York towards Bella Notte's place. She was one of the four most powerful warlocks in London, but she came from Italy. When I had first heard her name, my thought was: _Good thing her name isn't Bouna. It would be too obvious._

She lived in somewhere in Chelsea, near Chelsea and Westminster hospital. We didn't know her exact address, but I doubted it would be a big problem to find her house. Warlocks had their ways of expressing themselves, which mostly occurred in their way of life. Almost all warlocks I have heard of loved to spend money, especially on their homes, so they looked too exaggerated. I hoped Bella was in that category too.

But, while walking down the road, I was getting more and more irritated by my accompaniment. They didn't stop talking for a second. They admired the streets and buildings, laughed at British accent of people around us, made jokes about the guards in front of Buckingham's Palace and how to make them laugh, talked about shopping.

_My dear quiet parabatai, how could you do this to me_? I thought ironically. _I'm doing __this to save your ass. You owe me big time._

Amelia and Thomas went to Newham to see the other warlock, named Jeff Goldmayer. Before we had left, they had said that we all had to be back in three hours. If one of the groups doesn't return, the other one will look for it.

-Could this be the house?-I said loudly, breaking in their conversation.

The house had orange walls with blue windows. Its roof was red, so it looked almost comical. Around it was a garden in which grew plants that most certainly didn't grow in ordinary gardens. I could notice some carnivore plants, big enough to swallow a human child. If that was the house, I didn't even want to imagine its owner.

-It's really ... colourful.-Jace said.

-If it had sweets on its wall, I'd be completely sure we found the witch from _Hansel and __Gretchen_.-

-Maybe you could knock on the door and see if you're right. Maybe she'd cook you for dinner.-I said, leaving them behind and going towards the door.

I just wanted to find some useful information, kill the one who summoned the demons and finish this. I knocked firmly on the blue door.

After few seconds of waiting, the door opened, its wood creaking. In front of me stood a little girl, no more than eight years old. I lowered my gaze, looking in her eyes, green like an emerald.

-Hello.-I said calmly.

-Is this Bella Notte's house?-

She nodded and her brown hair shook a bit.

-Can we see her?-I said, hearing the other's steps coming closer.

The girl suddenly laughed to a joke I didn't understand.

-If you're not blind, of course you can.-her voice was real child's voice, but the shine in her eyes wasn't. You could see ages passing in them, years of living, loving and hating.

I realized now what was so funny, but I kept my face expression unchanged.

-Can we ask you few questions?-

Her gaze studied my face.

-I don't like to be questioned, especially not by Nephilim.-she spat the last word like a curse.

-That probably means you're hiding something.-Jace said the same words I was thinking about.

-In the case you didn't notice, Shadowhunter, Downworlders don't like you very much.-she said with poison in her voice.

-We had enough of your arrogance, your thoughts of being kings and queens of the world just because some angel decided that you should exist. We were here long before you and, believe me, we were far better without you.-

-I can easily believe that.-Jace wasn't distracted by her insults.

-Those were the times. Free and endless hunt-seasons on mundanes.-

-Better times than they are now.-she said and closed her eyes, like she was remembering some event from those times.

But, I didn't have intentions to leave without any answer.

-The reason we've come is connected with happenings from last few weeks.-I said and Bella opened her green eyes again.

-A lot of things has happened in last few weeks, Shadowhunter.-I hated the smile that followed her words.

-You'll have to be more precise.-

She was provoking me, trying to made me free my rage. I knew that would be a bad idea. The Clave already had enough reasons to punish me, I didn't have to offer more of them.

-Someone in this town summons demons.-I kept my voice calm.

-Like that's something new.-she interrupted me, her eyes filled with boredom.

_Stay calm, Sam._ I warned myself. _Don't let that bitch annoy you. It will piss her off if I __just stay calm._

-More demons than ever has been summoned.-my voice didn't change.

-There were five attacks in a week. Someone's trying to wear us out.-

-I don't see why I should care.-her voice was now cold, without any fake sweetness.

-My question is if you know anything about the person who's doing that.-I was aware that my words had suggested she wasn't a suspect. But, she was.

She shook her head.

-I have no idea who is doing that.-

-But, have you heard something about it?-Isabelle spoke.

-There must be some warlock-gossips going around. Has anyone talked about taking revenge on Nephilim?-

-We all talk about it from time to time, but nobody planned anything serious for now.-Bella said, her green eyes wandering from one of us to another.

-But, I've talked to Jeff Goldmayer few weeks ago. He said someone came to see him, making enquiries about his ability of summoning demons.-

-Who was that?-curiosity overwhelmed me.

She shrugged.

-He didn't know. The person who came had worn a hood, so he didn't see the person's face. The person whispered the whole time, so he couldn't even recognize if it was he or she by voice. But, he saw few locks of blond hair that had fallen out of the hood.-

-Blond hair?-Jace asked, concern in his voice.

-Like mine?-

Bella studied him for a second, then shook her head.

-Lighter than yours, almost silver, Jeff told me. But, he's not the only one who got a visit. Few other London's warlocks also spoke about it.-

-And you've never seen someone who fits that description?-Alec posed the last question I wanted to ask.

She shook her head once again.

-Nobody had come to my door asking about demons before you did. And if it did, I'd say no. I don't like to interfere in business with demons. I even prefer you to them.-

We said nothing to that. We couldn't obviously find out more from her. There was always a possibility that she had been lying, but I had no such feeling. She didn't like us and she made it clear through her every word, but it wasn't in her interest either that demons walk through London without any distraction.

-OK, thank you for your help.-I said politely and nodded.

But, my manners didn't impress her. On the contrary.

-Don't be a fool, Shadowhunter. The only reason I told you this is because I'll choose the less evil in this situation.-it was unbelievable how such cold words and gaze could come from a child's face.

-I'll let you walk away without paying any price now. But, next time I won't be so gracious.-

_Just walk away, just walk away._ I said to myself and, luckily, listened my own advice.

We went back through the garden and we were back on the London's streets. I thought about everything we had heard, but keeping my thoughts to myself. As opposed to me, the New Yorkers talked among themselves, thinking I wasn't paying attention. But, I did.

-Do you think it could be him?-I heard Clarissa's voice.

-It's been seven months since we last saw Jonathan. It's enough time to plan a revenge for what happened in Idris.-Jace replied.

_Jonathan? But, he couldn't do it. He was with me all this time__._ I thought, but said nothing and continued to listen.

-I have to tell you, I hope it's him.-Isabelle's voice was full of anger, but also pain.

-He still hasn't pay for killing Max.-

_Killing Max?_ I thought, suddenly without breath. Jonathan killed somebody. I didn't know why I was so surprised. _He told me himself that he had done things that can't be __forgiven. What did I think? That he killed a mosquito when it walked down his skin?_

I have never killed anyone who wasn't a demon. I have never thought of it, no matter how irritated or afraid I was, especially by Downworlders. I was protecting lives, not destroying them. And my _parabatai_, the one who protected my life, took somebody's life. And I had no idea how many lives he took beside that one.

Doubts rose in my mind. I knew where Jonathan was most of the time in seven months we have spent together, but not all the time. He could sneak out of the Institute while nobody watched him. I didn't read his mind. He could be planning revenge without me knowing about it. It hurt to find out how poorly I knew my _parabatai_.

-If he's responsible for this, he'll pay.-Alec put his hand gently on his sister's shoulder.

-He will.-Jace joined Alec.

-We won't let him get away this time. If it's necessary, I'll ask Sam for help.-

-What for?-Clarissa's voice was slightly panicked.

For a second, I had to force myself to hold back a laugh. _She's so possessive._

-For fight against Jonathan.-Jace ignored hidden jealousy in her voice.

-I know you're my _parabatai_, Alec, but she's ... how to put it ...-

-She's better fighter than me, I get it.-surprisingly, Alec didn't sound offended.

-Yes.-Jace confirmed.

-I don't think even Jonathan could handle both of us.-

_I suppose he couldn't._ I thought almost sadly in my mind. _I have to talk to Jonathan __the moment we come back. I can't support him if he's bad as they say, but he's my __parabatai. I have to give him a chance to explain._


	16. Chapter 15

-You're back already?-I was surprised to see Amelia and Thomas in front of the Institute, waiting for us. I thought our talk to Bella had gone pretty fast, but Jeff was obviously even more generous with informations.

-How did the talk go?-

-It didn't go.-Amelia mumbled, obviously dissatisfied.

-He's dead.-

-Dead?-I heard Jace's voice from behind my back.

-Dead like "He was the one who summoned the demons, so we killed him" or "He didn't want to take part in summoning demons, so the responsible one had killed him before we came"?-

-The latter.-Amelia answered calmly.

_How does he manage it?_ I sighed and then laughed. _Maybe Amelia has a crush on him._

-So, we lost our only trail.-Alec noticed.

-Trail?-Thomas's eyebrows were raised.

-Bella Notte said someone had been making enquiries about London's warlock's skills of summoning demons.-I explained.

-She told Jeff had been one of the warlocks who'd been visited.-

-And did he accept the offer?-Thomas asked.

-She didn't say.-Isabelle joined the conversation.

-Obviously he didn't, because he probably wouldn't be dead if he did.-Jace noticed.

Amelia sighed and rubbed her temples with her fingers.

-And who were the other warlocks?-

-She didn't say that either.-I said, angry with myself for not insisting on getting more information from Bella.

For few moments everybody stood in silence. It was Thomas who broke it.

-But, she's not the warlock we're looking for?-

I shook my head and heard four other voices said "No.".

_At least there is something we agree about._ I almost smiled, but then remembered the thing we didn't agree. Maybe just not yet.

-OK. We'll visit the other two warlocks tomorrow.-Amelia said at last.

-You can get some rest now.-

_There's something else I have to do before that._ I thought, but remained silent. It would bring unwanted attention to Jonathan if I mentioned his name now. Maybe they have already forgotten everything about my _parabatai_ and I didn't have to remind them.

_I wish I could forget him, if everything they said was true._ I took a deep breath. There was no point in delaying. I entered the Institute.

* * *

-Who was Max?-I asked the second I closed the door of Jonathan's bedroom.

He was sitting on his bed with the same thoughtful expression he had worn on his face when I had visited him in the afternoon. His black eyes caught my glance and stared at me in surprise.

-Max? I ... -

-Don't pretend.-I was on the brink of letting my anger and fatigue to explode.

-Someone named Max died from your hand, didn't he?-

He sighed suddenly, like I had punched him. I wasn't far away from doing that.

-Isabelle's and Alec's brother.-Jonathan said at last.

-I killed him when we were in Alicante. Before the battle.-

I shivered. For the first time in my life I felt the ground shunning my feet. I thought that I would fall if I kept standing and facing Jonathan, so I leaned on the door behind my back, trying to figure out what to say and how to react. I stared at the ceiling, at the floor, anywhere but at Jonathan's face.

I started to catch my breath, which at first I hadn't even realized I had held back. Then I gathered my strength and looked at Jonathan again. His face expression didn't change.

-So, when you talked about things that can't be forgiven, you meant this?-my voice managed to be steady, but I could feel it could collapse any second.

He nodded calmly.

-Now you see why they'd kill me at once. I killed their brother. A blood for blood.-

-Is there anyone else who's dead because of you?-I didn't know why that was important, but it was. My hands were shaking like it was thirty degrees below zero in the room.

-If you mean someone's dead because I helped my father, then yes.-he said.

I took a deep breath once again. But, Jonathan wasn't over.

-If you mean someone's dead because I killed them with my own hands ... -he stopped for a moment.

-Then yes.-

I wanted to scream. For the first time since I was a child, I wanted to cry.

_What have I done?_ my thoughts screamed in shock. _My parabatai is a monster. He __killed people without mercy. And I knew it all along and I still accepted him, I did nothing. __I thought only of myself, how I could remain Shadowhunter. If Jonathan is bad and evil, __I'm ten thousand times worse._

I could stand it anymore. I lost my balance and fell on the floor, wanting to drown in it.

I felt hands on my shoulder, trying to raise me, but I hit them.

-Leave me!-I screamed, feeling the tears on my cheeks.

-Don't touch me or I swear I'll kill you!-

He removed his hands. I rubbed my eyes, trying to stop the tears and face him like a true Shadowhunter, fearless and calm. But, I could achieve neither. Tears didn't stop falling and I have never been more terrified in my life.

-We both know you can't kill me, Sam.-I heard his voice. But, there was no eagerness or triumph in it.

I look at him. He seemed almost sad; like he was sorry I was too weak to kill him.

But, the last thing I wanted was his pity. I needed nobody's pity, especially not his. Rage rose in me again and I managed to get up.

-I wouldn't be so sure if I were you.-I growled, reaching for Seraph blade at my waist.

His gaze followed my movements. He knew what I was about to do. And he did nothing to stop me.

-You're not like me, Sam.-surprisingly, he wasn't sarcastic.

-I kill people, you don't.-

-You said you had demons' blood in your veins. And I kill demons.-I gathered all the pain, disappointment and fear in the venom of my words.

-We do that together.-he said, with resolution I've never heard from him.

-You're my _parabatai_. And I'm yours. When we met in Idris, you said you'd accept me, no matter what you find out about me later.-

-I've never planned to accept a murderer.-I said, but I knew I was lying to myself. I would have accepted anyone just to remain among Shadowhunter. And I did promised him that I would be his _parabatai_, no matter what he had done. And I promised him this afternoon that I would protect him. I was selfish; I didn't have to be a liar as well.

-And I've never planned to accept a liar.-Jonathan said like he was reading my mind.

For few seconds I didn't know what to say, but then I wondered.

-Why did you accept me?-I asked, staring at his eyes. I left my Seraph blade in my belt.

-You had another day to find a _parabatai_. I was your best chance to run away from Idris as quickly as possible? Or you'd thought I was the only one desperate enough to accept you?-

-Both.-there was no tricks or games in his words.

-I admit, I couldn't believe my own luck when I met you, Sam. Wanting only to remain Shadowhunter and despising the Clave, you were the target I could only dream of. And there you were, angel in the darkness, cursing and punching the wall.-

-That's hardly what angels do.-I said, trying not to laugh. His jokes always made me laugh and now I couldn't afford myself not even to smile.

-At first, I thought I could use you for the revenge I was planning.-Jonathan continued.

-You were powerful enough and you didn't like the Clave. As I said, to me you had been a perfect person to have as a _parabatai_.-

I didn't like his plans for using me. But, I remained silent. Something in Jonathan's voice made me continue to listen without interrupting him.

-But, when we arrived in London, I realised I could never talk you into joining me against Shadowhunters. You thought with your own head, not allowing anyone to change your opinions.-

-And what made you realise that?-the curiosity overpowered my rage.

-Our talk about James, William and Tessa.-he answered.

I remembered that talk. I had said Tessa was the one I didn't like, not William, despite him being my ancestor's opponent in competition for Tessa's love. Even after Jonathan had suggested what I should have thought, I hadn't changed my opinion.

-And then what?-I roused myself from memories.

-You started to plan revenge without me being included?-

-At first time, yes.-he nodded.

-But, as the time has passed, I've thought less and less about it. I realised I was happy with doing what Shadowhunters do. People treated me like a Shadowhunter, not like traitor's son with demons' blood in his veins. It was a nice change and I found myself not willing to ruin it.-

I thought about the next thing I should say. A question was on the tip of my tongue, but I knew how it would sound if I said it. But, once again, Jonathan proved himself an excellent reader, if not my thoughts, then my face expressions.

-And I finally had someone who trusted me, despite knowing who I really was. You. And more importantly, I had someone who I could trust. After everything I had been through while living with my father, I couldn't believe it. I had to prove to myself that I could trust you. For few times during fights I left my back unguarded, wondering if you'd protect me. And you did.-

-You protected me as well. I was just returning the favour.-I felt rage abandoning me. A small smile escaped my lips.

-Whether it was just returning the favour, I didn't want to lose it.-he shrugged.

-I like the way our game is played, Sam. I don't want to lose it by searching for revenge which doesn't mean so much to me anymore. Living a life of a Shadowhunter as your _parabatai_, that's what's important to me.-

_I shouldn't trust him. Demons lie. He killed people. It's his actions I should judge him __by, not his words._ I warned myself. _But, he has never done anything wrong to me. He never said a single bad word to me, not even when I insulted him few minutes ago. He understands me like nobody else._

-If your words are true, then you're not the one who makes enquiries all over London about skills of summoning demons?-I asked, trying to extend my time for making the decision.

Jonathan now looked surprised.

-I've no idea what you're talking about.-

I looked at him suspiciously. He accepted my gaze with calmness.

-I swear it on the Angel.-

-The Angel means nothing to demons.-the words flew out of me before I could stop them.

But, Jonathan didn't hold it against me.

-But, he does to a Shadowhunter. And I am one, at least partly. I respect him as well as you do.-

I studied his face for few moments.

_After this, there's no coming back. Either I believe him or I don't. _

I took a deep breath.

-I went with New Yorkers to visit the warlock called Bella Notte. She said that the other warlocks had spoken about a person who goes around London and asks London's warlocks how skilled they are with summoning demons.-

-She was smart enough not to name herself Buona?-Jonathan asked with a mocking smile and shine in his eyes.

_Damn it, we're too much alike_. but the thought didn't bother me.

-Obviously, she is.-I replied, trying to hide my own smile.

-Has she seen that person herself?-Jonathan became serious in a second.

I shook my head.

-No. That's the problem. Amelia and Thomas visited the other warlock called Jeff Mayergold. He was the one who told Bella about the mysterious person. But, they found him dead.-

-Obviously the mysterious guy didn't want to be remembered.-Jonathan concluded at once, but then his expression became confused.

-But, why did you think it was me?-

-According to Bella, Mayergold saw that the person had light blond hair. Like yours.-I couldn't help myself, but look at locks of blond hair around his face.

He shook his head and the locks moved like in a dance around it.

-If I wanted to destroy Shadowhunters with a demon army, I wouldn't fight against it.-he said matter-of-factly, like it was just pure logic to think so.

-I hope you know me that well.-

-I do.-I answered, knowing he was right.

-But, you'll have to find a better excuse for tomorrow. I think logic won't be a much of a use to you when you meet New Yorkers.-

Having nothing more to say and completely exhausted, I went towards the door, ready to go to my room and get a good rest. I glanced outside Jonathan's room, but nobody was in the corridor. I got out and started to close the door, but then I heard Jonathan's voice again.

-Sam?-

I pushed the door again and looked at him.

-If necessary, will you be on my side tomorrow?-he whispered, like he was fighting himself either to say that or not.

I couldn't help myself. I smiled.

-Of course.-

_My parabatai._


	17. Chapter 16

-Jonathan! We have to go! What are you ... -the rest of the question never left my mouth. I had nobody to tell it to, since when I entered it, Jonathan's room was empty.

His gear and weapons were also gone. In fact, the room looked like nobody has slept there for days, all tidy and without any sign of somebody's presence. The window was open and wind has already cooled the room, so my skin was soon full of goose bumps.

But, the coldness wasn't the only reason for the goose bumps.

_What if he tricked me again?_ I couldn't help myself, but to think it. _What if he left __because he knew we'd discover him soon? And he made a fool out of me again. What __if everything he said to me yesterday was nothing more than a lie, convincible enough __to trick an idiot like me?_

I closed the door of Jonathan's bedroom and ran downstairs into the library. I hoped he was there, I could see sight of him sitting in one of the chairs, a book in his hands.

_Please, let him just be there._ I prayed. _I need to know he didn't betray me._

But, my prayers were in vain. There were no signs of Jonathan when I got into the library. But, I saw Amelia digging through a pile of books in panic, like she had lost something. When she heard me entering, her eyes left the books and looked at me.

-Sam.-she said, surprised.

-Why aren't you with the others? We're waiting only for you.-

I took a deep breath.

-Jonathan is with them?-I managed not to sound surprised or worried.

Amelia's eyes studied me.

-Why do you ask?-

I shrugged, trying to look nonchalantly.

-He's not in his room and he usually waits for me when we go somewhere.-

_By the Angel, I sound almost like Clarissa. What a shame._ I tried to stay calm and not to blush.

For a moment, I thought I saw a smile on Amelia's face, like she had also thought I was becoming possessive. But, if it was there, it left her face fast.

-Jonathan asked me to let him leave earlier this morning. He said he had something important to do.-she said, showing me with her tone and face expression that she wanted to end this conversation.

-And you let him go?!-this time I didn't manage to control my voice. I ignored her intentions of ending our conversation. She had no idea what his departure might mean.

Amelia's eyebrows rose.

-Why shouldn't I have done that?-she asked, staring in my face strictly.

-I ... -for few moments I have no idea what to say.

-He shouldn't have gone alone. He didn't feel well yesterday. He should have asked me to come with him.-

-He seemed perfectly healthy to me this morning.-Amelia replied indifferently.

-And as for him not inviting you to come along, I have no comment. I won't interfere in your relationship with your _parabatai_.-

_If you did, that'd be more than I could bear._ I thought. But, I had more questions to ask her.

-Did he say when he would return?-

-I told him you'd visit Emily Pearl this morning. He said he'd join you on your way.-Amelia didn't even look at me now, but returned to her search among the books.

-The others are waiting in the dining room. Go and join them. I'll be there in a minute.-

I had nothing to say to that. I went out of the library and made my way to the dining room. While walking, I thought about Amelia's words.

_Maybe Jonathan left because it was the only way for him to avoid being seen by New Yorkers. Not because he had betrayed me._ I hoped so much that was the case. But, I was still suspicious. _But, if he's going to meet us later, they'll see him anyway. What __difference does it matter then?_

I abandoned my thoughts about Jonathan, realising they would lead me in a path I didn't want to follow. I couldn't do nothing else but hope everything would turn out alright.

When I entered the dining room, I faced five pairs of eyes staring at me.

-Good morning.-I said, wondering if my bad manners made them look so dissatisfied or it was the time difference. Only for Thomas I wasn't sure why he looked so weirdly. He didn't seem dissatisfied, but thoughtful.

-Good morning, Sam.-he said, not looking into my eyes.

-What's going on?-I threw my best fake smile on my face, trying to look relaxed.

-Why are you all so grumpy?-

Nobody smiled.

-Where is your _parabatai_?-Jace asked me with a dangerous note in his voice.

-Left earlier.-I said, my voice as easy-going as I could make it.

-But, don't worry, he'll join us on the road. We'll protect you from the bad warlocks, New Yorkers. You don't have to be scared.-

-What's his last name?-Clarissa's green eyes stared at mine like she would love to pierce a hole or two through my brain.

-Why do you want to know?-I asked with mocking tone in my voice, although I already knew the answer.

-He doesn't seem happy to meet us. Yesterday he was sick. Today he's already gone.-Isabelle pointed out, her gaze as sharp as Clarissa's.

-And we know a guy whose name is Jonathan and we don't like him very much. We wondered if they were the same person.-

_They added two and two._ I realised. _It took them less time than I thought. Nevertheless, __he's not a Morgenstern here. _

-Fairchild.-I said finally.

-His last name is Fairchild.-

Alec, Isabelle, Jace and Clarissa exchanged gazes. Judging by their glances at each other, I could see they found even Jonathan's fake surname suspicious. I wondered what connections they had with the Fairchilds, but I knew better than to ask. It would just make them more suspicious.

-Who are you going to visit, Thomas?-I directed my attention towards him.

He looked at me.

-We're going back to Jeff Goldmayer's house.-he replied.

-We'll look for some traces. Maybe they'll lead us to the person responsible for this. We couldn't do it yesterday because the night had already fallen. I just hope there are any traces left.-

-So, we have to interrogate the last two warlocks.-I said playfully.

He nodded without any entertainment in his eyes.

-Yes. Amelia will explain everything to you.-

In that moment, the door behind my back opened. Amelia entered, carrying something in her hand. I couldn't see what it was, but it was small enough to fit in her left hand.

She stood next to Thomas and turned towards us.

-Alec, Isabelle, Jace and Clarissa, you'll visit Xavier Lander. He lives only two streets away from here, you'll have no trouble in finding his house. I'll just show you the direction.-

They nodded without word. Amelia turned then towards me.

-Sam, you and Jonathan will visit Emily Pearl in on the Fulham Road. She lives near Charing Cross Hospital. Jonathan will join you on your way there.-

I followed example of the others and nodded without a word.

-Thomas and I ... -Amelia continued, but Thomas interrupted her.

-I've explained them that already.-he said gently.

-You have? Good.-Amelia nodded in her husband's direction and then waved her hand.

-Let's go, then. Be back as soon as you can.-she looked towards the clock that hung on the wall.

-Now it's quarter 'til nine. If anyone's not back in the Institute 'til quarter past ten, without any delaying you'll go to the place that group or pair went.-

She expected troubles, I could hear it in her voice. But, she was right. With us convinced in Bella's innocence and Jeff being dead, there was a big chance that one of the two remaining warlocks was taking part in summoning demons, free willingly or not.

I touched Seraph blades in my belt, just to feel some confidence. I remembered calling them my best _parabatai_. I still thought that of them. They have never let me down. I just hoped Jonathan was as reliable, because I knew I would pick them over him in the case I had to choose.


	18. Chapter 17

-Guess who!-suddenly, there was blackness in front of my eyes, like somebody had turned off the sun.

My pulse increased in a second and adrenaline was streaming through my veins. Panic overcame me because I couldn't realise how I had been so reckless that I hadn't noticed somebody approaching me. Mundanes didn't see me at all, thanks to glamour, so the only ones who could see me were Shadowhunters and demons. My only thought of relief was that demons probably wouldn't shout "Guess who!".

I raised my hands and grabbed the pair of hands that blocking my gaze. I shook them off and turned around. I was facing Jonathan, who laughed like a child who had done something forbidden and couldn't wait to tell his friends everything about it.

-Guesswho me next time and I'll break your arms.-I invented a new verb without even thinking about it, too irritated by Jonathan's easy going smile.

-What pissed you off, Sam?-the smile still didn't leave his face. He seemed to be in very good mood this morning.

-Your leaving without telling me.-it sounded stupid, even to me, but I didn't care. He had some explaining to do.

I didn't even wait for him to answer, but turned around and continued to walk towards Emily Pearl's house. I heard his footsteps coming closer, but didn't look towards him when he appeared on my left side.

-I had to do it, Sam. It was the only way to avoid my sister and her gang.-

-Where were you?-I crossed my hands over my chest, letting him know I will accept nothing but honest answers. If he didn't want to give them, I guessed I would have to pull them out of him, in any way I would think of. We both knew none of those ways would be pleasant for him.

His face became serious, though I didn't know if it did because of my threat or because of the answer he was about to give me.

-I went to Jeff Goldmayer's place.-

I raised my eyebrows.

-Why? Didn't Amelia tell you she and Thomas were about to go there now?-

Jonathan nodded.

-That's exactly why I went there. I wanted to check that place before she and Thomas take away anything that shows what really happened there.-

I didn't understand what he meant.

-Why do you think they'd lie to us?-I asked.

-Amelia really isn't high on my list of favourite persons, but I'd never say she would hide evidences or false them.-

I looked at Jonathan's black eyes. Through months we have spent together I have learnt how to read them. I could see there was no mocking shine in them now, no sign of insincerity or pretending.

-They're hiding something from us.-Jonathan's voice was so certain, like he would put his right hand into fire if his statement would be proved wrong.

-But, what?-I couldn't believe him if he didn't have strong evident for his statement.

_Maybe he didn't go into Goldmayer's house. Maybe he just to turn my suspicions away __from himself._ I thought. _He has to say more if he wants me to trust him._

-I don't know.-he replied.

-But, I think they have somehow found out who I am.-

-How would they find out that? They've never seen you before we came to London.-I laughed in disbelief.

He looked me so seriously that I stopped laughing at once.

-Why did they ask my sister and her friends to come here from New York? There are plenty of Shadowhunters in Idris who could join the Institute to help us. She must have asked for them particularly, otherwise they wouldn't have come.-

He was right in that point. That was suspicious.

-But, if they know who you are, why would they call them here? They could hand you over to the Clave right away and claim all the reward.-I tried to understand intentions of the two Waylands.

-I have no idea.-Jonathan shrugged.

-But, I know this. Jeff Goldmayer wasn't killed by a demon or a Downworlder. He was killed by a Shadowhunter.-

I sighed in disbelief.

-How do you know that?-

-I've seen his body.-even Jonathan, who was indifferent to almost any kind of injuries, now looked like he was going to be sick.

-There are wounds all over it. They are well covered by demons' poison and smell, but they were made by a Seraph blade. And nobody carries them but us.-

_That's true._ I nodded.

-But, why would any Shadowhunter kill him? It's against the Law and not even a year has passed from the agreement in Idris.-I tried to make sense out of all that has happened.

-Maybe this was something personal, not linked to the person who we're after.-

Jonathan didn't seem convinced.

-He was our only trace and he was found dead. I don't think that's a coincidence.-

-We still have two warlocks to interrogate.-I pointed out, but Jonathan's suspicions were more convincing to me than my words.

He didn't answer. We continued to walk in silence, curled in our own thoughts. I couldn't think of a reason why Amelia and Thomas would hide something from us.

_Maybe we aren't the easiest characters to handle, but we've never caused them any __troubles when it mattered._ I was sure of it. _Even if they know Jonathan's true identity, __they must have seen he has been on our side for last seven months. He did nothing wrong. Maybe he planned to, but he didn't._

-Here we are.-I heard Jonathan's voice.

The house we were in front of wasn't as colourful as Bella's, but it had its own way of standing out. There were thousands of pearls all over the walls, like the owner didn't need a post box to point out her last name. Any postman ( if Downworlders had any ) would have no problem to guess that this house belonged to woman with last name Pearl.

We passed through a small garden and stopped in front of the door and Jonathan knocked firmly. In few seconds the door opened and a woman with long black hair and blue eyes appeared on it.

-What do I own the honour, Nephilim?-her voice was cold, like she thought her rudeness would make us go away.

-I suppose you're Emily Pearl.-Jonathan said with an amusing smile.

She didn't like the way he looked at her.

-Yes.-I could hear annoyance in her hissing.

-What do you want?-

-Answers.-I said, trying to calm down the situation.

-Warlocks around London talk about a mysterious person who visits them and asks them about their skills of summoning demons. Do you know anything about it?-

Her eyes left Jonathan and turned their gaze on me. She studied me for few seconds, like she was considering whether tell me the truth or not.

-I've heard rumours about it.-she said finally.

-But you've never seen the person yourself?-Jonathan cut in before I could say anything.

Emily's face frowned.

-Wait until I finish, Shadowhunter.-she didn't even look at Jonathan while speaking.

-Last Saturday I went to a party. It lasted for some time, so it was around 5 a. m. while I was returning home. I was a bit drunk, I admit, but that morning I saw somebody knocking on my door. He knocked few times and waited, but when nobody answered, he left.-

-He?-it was the first palpable information we got.

-I think it was him.-Emily said with a thoughtful expression on her face, like she was trying to remember.

-I saw short blond hair. And he was sneaking like he didn't want to be seen, especially not in front of my house.-

I had to ask her. It was more important that hurt feelings.

-Was the person's hair like his?-I pointed at Jonathan's blond locks, ignoring his gaze.

Emily separated her gaze from my face and glanced at Jonathan, but she frowned while doing it, like there was something about Jonathan that really annoyed her. I hoped it was just his eager attitude and not the recognizing of the person that had been in front of her house.

-It was similar to his.-she said at last.

Suspicion rose in me at once. I looked at Jonathan. My gaze was saying "You have a lot to explain. I still don't trust you."

-But the person was shorter than him.-Emily suddenly continued.

-At least a head shorter.-

Jonathan was pretty tall and there was very small chance that Emily could mistaken the mysterious person for him. I felt relief streaming through every part of my body. Jonathan wasn't the person we were after. He hadn't lain to me.

-And that person didn't see you while leaving?-Jonathan filled in my silence.

-Maybe I was drunk, but I know how to protect myself when I don't want to be seen. And I most certainly don't want to be seen by visitors who cover their faces and come at 5. a. m.-Emily turned her gaze from Jonathan again and her blue eyes were back studying me again.

-Is that all?-

Jonathan and I looked at each other.

We had few pieces of the puzzle. The mysterious person had a blond hair and most likely was a Shadowhunter. He knew about London's most powerful warlocks, he wasn't comfortable with being seen in front of their houses and one of the warlocks ended up dead, killed by Seraph blade.

But, I had a feeling we had to ask more questions. This wasn't enough to find the person responsible for this.

-Do you know what happened to Jeff Goldmayer?-I asked, staring directly to her face and looking for a reaction that could give us more information.

But, Emily's face showed nothing suspicious, like panic or nervousness.

-That fool?-she sighed.

-I wouldn't be surprised if you told me he managed to drive a knife into his own ass.-

I looked her in surprise.

-Why do you say that? As far as we know, he was the one of the most powerful warlocks in London.-

She sighed again.

-Sweetie, if you ever saw him doing magic, you'd know what I mean.-

But, before I could object for her calling me "sweetie", her face became very serious as well as her voice.

-What do you mean, "He was"?-

-He was found dead yesterday.-Jonathan said before me.

-He was murdered.-

Emily's face became expressionless, like she was afraid the same fate could come after her.

-By whom?-

-By a ... -I started, but Jonathan grabbed my shoulder. His gaze was telling "Be silent.".

-Probably by the same person we're looking for and who came searching for you.-he answered.

-But, why?-Emily's voice was still, but I could hear a shade of panic in it. She even didn't mind looking at Jonathan, who was now leading the conversation.

-Probably because he didn't want to cooperate.-he replied like a true police officer.

Emily thought about his words for few moments. Her face expression indicated she had known nothing about Jeff's death until we told her for it.

-I never thought anyone would kill Jeff.-she said, but not like she was actually talking to us, more like she was talking to herself.

-He had power, absolutely, but was a bungler in using it. He loved to experiment, sometimes over his limits, but he stood away from demons' businesses.-

-Obviously, not away enough.-Jonathan said and broke in Emily's line of memories.

She frowned at him again.

-Don't be sarcastic about anyone's death, Shadowhunter. It's not something to be laugh at.-

-We know that.-again I was the one who had to take control before they slaughter each other.

-Thank you for your help, Emily.-

While turning her gaze back on me, a smile showed up on her lips.

-A well-mannered Shadowhunter.-her voice didn't sound ironical, just amused.

-May I know your name?-

_I would prefer you not to._ I thought, but I knew it would be rude to refuse her. It couldn't do too much harm and then we could go without leaving bad feelings behind.

-Sam.-I answered and then remembered to point at my _parabatai_.

-And this is Jonathan.-

Emily nodded without a word. I couldn't think of anything else to say. It was time for us to leave.

-Goodbye, then. Thank you once again for your help.-I turned around, heading back for the street. I heard Jonathan's footsteps following me.

-Well done, Sam.-he whispered on my ear.

His voice surprised me, but I managed not to show it.

-Piece of cake.-I said mischievously.

We didn't even pass half of the garden when I heard Emily's voice behind my back.

-Will you go out with me?-

I supposed she wasn't talking to me. So did Jonathan. He turned towards her.

-I'm sorry, I don't date Downworlders.-he was amused, like he couldn't believe she offered a date to him.

I was amused and surprised at the same time. She didn't look like she was a fond of Jonathan during our talk. But, I wasn't the right one to talk about it. I knew nothing about relationships. Maybe that was the point, to seem indifferent, so he would notice her.

-I wasn't talking to you.-Emily said.

Then, maybe it wasn't.

I turned around. Emily's gaze rested on me.

-So, will you or not?-her voice was calm, but I could feel she wouldn't like the negative answer.

But, I could give her no answer. I was so shocked somebody asked me out, even more than I was shocked by the fact it was a woman who asked me out. People didn't ask me to go out with them. People stood away from me. This was an unfamiliar situation and I wasn't comfortable with it. I knew my mouth was wide open, so I tried to think of an answer.

-I ... -I took a deep breath, trying to extend my time for answering.

-I can't. We're trying to find the guy who is responsible for all this. I can't think of anything but that right now.-

Emily's eyes darkened a bit, but her lips curled into smile.

-You're a smart girl. Maybe after you solve this, then?-

_By the Angel, why me?_ my hands were sweating. I put them in my pockets. _I can't let her see how nervous I am. I need to solve this nicely and smoothly._

-I'm also a busy girl.-I made a lot of effort to make my voice eager and easy going in the same time.

-And a Shadowhunter.-

Smile didn't leave Emily's face. Darkness in her eyes was replaced with amused shine.

-Smart, sarcastic, handsome and dangerous to like. What a delightful combination.-

_Help! Help!_ I turned towards Jonathan, knowing I was blushing.

For few seconds he stared at me with mocking smile on his face, but then he finally had mercy on me.

-I'm sorry, but she already has a boyfriend.-he looked at Emily.

Her gaze skipped in a second from me towards him, like he had said he would activate a bomb right there right now. I too looked at him, wondering what he was about to do.

-And who is he?-her eyes were filled with interest.

-You?-

Jonathan smiled.

-It's a secret.-

-Maybe I could steal her.-Emily said, smiling back at me again.

I wanted to leave at once. I felt too uncomfortable here. Give me demons, fights, blades and swords, but don't let any talk about feelings or relationships near me.

-I'm faithful, I'm sorry.-I grabbed Jonathan's hand and pulled him with me.

-I'm sorry if we disturbed you.-

-You're welcome to do it any time, Sam.-I heard her voice behind my back, but pretended I hadn't heard it.

I made very big steps just to get out of there as quickly as possible. I wasn't used to that kind of situations and it frightened me more than army of demons. I felt my hands shivering in Jonathan's. I was in a hurry so much I didn't even wonder why I was holding his hand. It was just an assurance.

When we were finally away from Emily's house, I let go Jonathan's hand. I took a deep breath, like the air around Emily's house was different from the air in the rest of London and I couldn't breathe properly until now. I headed back for the Institute with Jonathan on my heels.

-Sam!-he caught up with my footsteps and now he was walking by my side.

-What?-my voice was a bit rude, but I didn't care. I didn't even want to look at him.

He stood silently for few moments like he was changing his mind, but then he gave up.

-I just wanted to say you were brilliant. Like a pearl.-he said.

He made fun of me, I knew it. But, I couldn't hold it against him when, no matter how much this was uncomfortable to me, I wanted to laugh too. I had gone to find information about the person who wanted to destroy Shadowhunters and I had got it. I just hadn't known I would get an date offer gratis.

-Shut up, Jonathan.-I passed an answer to him and quicken.

I smiled, but didn't let him to see. I was still Sam Carstairs and I had a reputation to protect.

While walking back towards the Institute, I focused on the information we had found out. A piece of the puzzle was still missing and I hoped New Yorkers would find it. We couldn't be far from finding the mysterious guy who wanted us dead. I was glad because of it, but even more that the guy wasn't Jonathan.

_Soon everything will be back as usual._ I thought, smiling. _Killing demons alongside my parabatai, reading and sleeping. What more could a Shadowhunter ask?_


	19. Chapter 18

-Wait here.-I put my hand in front of Jonathan to stop his next step.

-I'll check if they are back already.-

He listened and remained on the street while I entered the Institute's property. It stood quietly under gray clouds that were typical ornament of London's sky. Luckily, it didn't rain.

While approaching the door of the Institute, I noticed four figures standing in front of it. Even from the distance I could see two black, one blond and one red head. When they noticed me, they all started to walk towards me.

-Are you OK?-Isabelle asked me when we got near each other.

I nodded, but comment nothing else about it. I had more important things to think about.

-What did you find out?-being evasive was never my strategy. I asked everything I wanted to know.

-Not much.-Alec answered.

-Xavier said somebody had visited him and offered him money for summoning few demons.-

I nodded again, putting that information somewhere alongside the ones Jonathan and I had found out at Emily's.

-And?-

-He said he had refused. He heard what had happened to Jeff Goldmayer and didn't want to interfere with it.-

I didn't speak for few moments. There was something suspicious about his answer. I just needed to see what it was.

_If Jonathan was here, he would see it sooner._ I sighed. _He's the master of riddles and __he likes to think before acting. I, on the other hand, am not so good in thinking part._

But, then, it dawned upon me.

-He knew about Jeff's death?-I asked sharply.

They looked at each other.

-Nobody had known about it until Amelia and Thomas found his body.-Alec said slowly, finally understanding what I was aiming at.

-And that was yesterday.-I pointed out.

-He knew about Jeff's death before us. Maybe he caused it. He could be working for the mysterious guy.-

-Guy?-Jace interrupted me.

-How do you know it's a guy? And that the warlock didn't work on his own hand?-

It was time for my story to be told. I retold them our conversation with Emily, mentioning every detail I remembered ( except for her date offer to me ). When I was done, they exchanged gazes and then looked at me again.

-But, Xavier has black hair.-Isabelle said.

-And I see no reason why he would be uncomfortable with being seen in front of another warlock's house. He could always say he wanted her help with some new spell or something like that.-

I agreed with her. There wasn't any logic.

-But, we don't know how much time passed between Jeff's murder and discovery of his body.-Jace mentioned.

-News travel fast among Downworlders and they don't like to share them with us. Xavier could have found out about the murder before us without committing it.-

-But, somebody would report it to us, surely.-I said, though knowing I was getting to the dangerous part.

They all looked me in disbelief, like I was speaking in foreign language.

-Why would they?-Jace laughed.

-The last thing they want is to let Shadowhunters do the investigation about death of one of their own. It's no wonder ... -

-They would have done it because Jeff Goldmayer was killed by a Shadowhunter.- familiar voice interrupted Jace.

_By the Angel, Jonathan, what are you doing_? I turned around to face my _parabatai_ who obviously had listened our conversation.

He looked relaxed, even though I could feel hatred that rose around me. New Yorkers were holding their breaths, like they couldn't believe their worst enemy had shown up right in front of them. I heard sounds of Seraph blades coming out of their gear.

-Jonathan.-it was Jace who had spoken.

-Jonathan.-Jonathan replied, his voice indifferent as he was in a boring business meeting.

I wasn't sure at first whose name my _parabatai_ had mentioned, but then I realised Jace probably was just a nickname, and Jonathan was Jace's real name.

-You have been hiding here all this time?-Isabelle's voice was shaking a bit, like the hatred she felt was too massive for her body and started to pour out of her.

-Here? Yes.-Jonathan glanced at her now.

-Hiding? Hardly. I don't find you scary enough to hide from you.-

-Then, what are you doing here?-Clarissa asked.

-Planning a revenge on us? It seems to me like you're succeeding.-

Jonathan laughed. I couldn't understand how come he was so relaxed. Four people here wanted him dead. I realised he probably relied on my protection. I had no problems with that, but why had he shown himself in the first place? Nobody asked anything about him, we were too busy with the talk about warlock's words.

-You're funny, little sister.-his eyes shone with true amusement.

-I gave up on revenge few months ago. I have something better to do and I was completely willing to forget everything about you. And now you forced me to talk to you again.-

-Nobody asked you to.-Alec growled.

They all held Seraph blades in their hands, whispering names of the angels. The blades shone like diamonds, waiting for the fight. Jonathan still didn't move, but his eyes were on me. I was the one who had to calm them down, because they will believe none of his words.

-Sam, I have a request for you.-Jace said to me, though he was standing behind my back.

-Help us to get him to the Clave. You have no idea what he has done or what he has in his veins. We must take him to Idris.-

-Or kill him.-Isabelle added with poison in her voice.

-We'd do world a favour.-

It had to come to this, I knew it. Since the day they had come, Jonathan and I tried not to let them see him. We managed until now. Now I had to choose of whom I saw in Jonathan. Did I see a murderer with demons' blood in his veins or my _parabatai_.

His black eyes looked at me, calm and almost interrogatively, like he wondered what I would do, if I truly trusted him.

_He didn't lie to me._ _He had done a lot of things in his past, but he was fair with me. He had killed their brother, but he protected me from death. And he trusts me. _I have realised that somehow, maybe from the way he looked at me right now, without any mocking or eagerness. He was serious and calm, trusting me with responsibility to choose what I thought it was right._ I can't leave him at their mercy. They'll have none._

I turned around and faced the four of them. I looked at Jace mostly, because he was the one who asked me for help.

-I can't do that.-I said firmly, staring at golden eyes.

Four of them were stunned.

-Sam, he was on Valentine's side in the war!-Jace yelled.

-You have no idea who he is, what he has done in Idris, but ... -

-But, I do, Jace.-I made few steps back and soon stood next to Jonathan.

-I know who he is and what he did in Idris, because Idris was where I met him.-

-What do you mean?!-Isabelle shouted.

-He came here with you? That means ...-

In a second she was silent, as well as the rest of them. They were shocked and their gazes didn't move from my face. They looked at me like I was a mental patient who had no idea what she had done.

-Yes, Isabelle.-I nodded, knowing there was no coming back.

-This _is_ Jonathan Morgenstern. And he's my _parabatai_.-


	20. Chapter 19

-You're crazy. You're fucking crazy.-Jace mumbled, staring at me.

His golden eyes were full of disbelief and anger, but I could also recognize disappointment. I wasn't sure if it was because he believed I would help them or because I had chosen Jonathan in his place to be my _parabatai_.

But, I didn't care what he thought, what any of them thought. I didn't have to explain my choice to them. I had known what I had been doing when I accepted Jonathan as a_ parabatai_. He didn't let me down. They had no right to judge me.

-He beat me in a fight.-I said matter-of-factly.

-He did what I had asked.-

-But, he's Valentine's son!-Isabelle yelled.

I stayed calm.

-She is Valentine's daughter.-I pointed at Clarissa, who stood with her mouth wide open, like she couldn't believe any of this was actually happening.

-I don't judge people by their parents' mistakes. Just by their own.-

-He murdered my brother!-Isabelle screamed again.

-Do you know everything he did back in Idris?! Did he tell you?! He almost killed Jace!-

Her last sentence was news to me, but I didn't show it. I knew Jonathan had killed Isabelle's and Alec's brother. I knew he had killed other people. I knew what he had in his blood.

I obviously stayed quiet for too long, because Jace spoke again before I could answer.

-He has enough mistakes of his own. He's a murderer, with demons' blood running through his veins. I don't know what he told you, Sam, but you can't trust him. He'll stab you in the back the first time he'd have a chance.-

-I have multiple chances to do that.-I heard Jonathan's voice behind my back.

-With all my "stabbing in the back", as you put it, she's a medical miracle to be alive.-

I couldn't help it; a small smile appeared on my lips. They notice it and frowned even more.

-Please, Sam.-Jace tried one more time.

I shook my head, ignoring the request in his eyes.

-Believe it or not, Jonathan saved my life more than once. I trust him. And he trusts me. We are _parabatai_.-my voice was firm, letting them know they will have to get through me before they could get to Jonathan. And it wasn't very encouraging thought for them, we all knew it.

I grabbed two Seraph blades from my gear.

-Ariel.-I whispered.

-Seraphiel.-

The blades shone like sparks the second I said names of the angels.

It was my two blades against two in Jace's hands, one in Clarissa's, bow and arrows in Alec's and a whip in Isabelle's.

_A bad proportion, but I've gone through worse._ I smiled. _And isn't it weird they gave Clarissa only one blade? Is she such a poor Shadowhunter or they don't trust her either?_

I looked at Jonathan, expecting Seraph blades in his hands, firm expression on his face and readiness for a battle. But, he didn't even move, but stared at his sister and her friends. His hands were still in his pockets, weight of his body leaned mostly on his left leg, and had an expression of boredom on his face.

-What are you doing?-I asked in confusion.

His eyes didn't even glance at my direction. Their gaze was still on New Yorkers.

-Did you ask yourselves why I showed myself to you now, although I could avoid it?-his voice was quiet, but everybody could hear it.

-I don't know and I don't care!-shouted Isabelle and started to run towards us.

I raised my hands, with Seraph blades waiting for her, but Alec grabbed his sister's hand and pulled her back.

-Wait, Isabelle.-I heard Jace's voice.

-Why should I?!-while rousing in Alec's hands, her gaze turned towards Jace.

-I don't care what he has to say or why he showed up! He killed Max! You promised he would pay for that and now you're stopping me from killing him!-

Compassion rose in my mind. That girl was saturated with sorrow and anger. She missed her brother and therefore she wanted to avenge him. But her anger wasn't directed only towards Jonathan, she directed a part of it towards herself. I saw it in expression on her face, tears on her cheeks, almost wild movements as she tried to free herself from Alec's hands. She thought that if she had been stronger, she could have saved her brother. She partly blamed herself for Max's death. Even though there was still danger, I lowered my hands.

-Isabelle, please.-Clarissa went closer to her and gently touched Isabelle's hands with her own.

Isabelle's rousing calmed down a bit, but she still gasped.

Alec's gaze left Isabelle and was directed at Jonathan. So was Jace's.

-It's a move I'd never expect from you.-Jace's voice was sharp, but he didn't come any closer to us.

-You do nothing unless you have a good reason for it. Valentine taught you that. Let's hear why you're here. If we're not satisfied, we can still kill you.-

-I'm glad someone here is reasonable.-Jonathan ignored Jace's threat like it had never been said.

-The reason is that I have a question for you.-

-A question?-masks of anger and hatred broke on their faces for a moment, but soon came back. Alec was the one who had spoken.

-Yes.-Jonathan nodded.

-Have you seen Amelia or Thomas since you came back?-

I didn't understand why Jonathan was asking them that. Amelia and Thomas had nothing to do with the current argument. New Yorkers obviously didn't understand the purpose of Jonathan's question either. Their gazes wandered among them and then they looked back at Jonathan.

-We haven't.-Clarissa was the first one to recover from confusion.

-We went inside the Institute to look for you, but nobody was there. So we waited for you outside.-

Jonathan's face frowned as he studied his sister's face.

-And now is half past ten.-

-What does the time have to do with anything?-Isabelle finally calmed down enough to ask a question in normal voice.

Jonathan's eyes turned towards her for a second and then he looked at me.

-Amelia told me we'd all have to be back in the Institute by quarter past ten.-

_She told that to us, too._ I realised what he wanted to say. _And if somebody isn't here at __the time, then ..._

-By the Angel.-I sighed. My eyes widened as my glance went from Jonathan to New Yorkers.

-I'm sorry, but your revenge on Jonathan will have to wait. Unless you don't want more dead people around you.-

-You can't ... -Alec started, but I interrupted him.

-Damn it, you don't know Amelia and Thomas like we do. If she's not where she needs to be on time, that means she's lying somewhere half-dead.-I started to run, with Jonathan at my heels.

A second later I remembered I had left Jonathan's back unprotected. If any of them had a bit of skill with throwing knives, it was the best chance to get rid of Jonathan with one hit.

_How could I forget that?_ I turned around, already expecting him to call my name for help or even falling with a knife in his back.

But, instead of both of those scenarios, I saw New Yorkers hurrying up to catch up with us. Jonathan noticed my glance and smiled.

-They think they are better than us, Sam. They don't stab people in the back, not even when it's their worst enemy.-

-But, you said they would kill you the moment they see you.-I whispered, not wanting them to hear us.

Even though we were running, he somehow shrugged.

-I thought they would.-his gaze didn't leave my face.

-But, I believe your presence stopped them.-

I looked at him in disbelief.

-Why? They hadn't known you're my _parabatai_ until I told them. They had had enough time to do it.-

-Not because you're my _parabatai_.-Jonathan shook his head.

-They didn't count on anybody to be close by. This revenge-thing is something between me and them. And you distracted them just by the fact you were there, that they weren't alone with me in the final combat.-

His words didn't make any sense to me.

-If they want the revenge so badly, they shouldn't have been distracted by my presence. I wouldn't be.-

-Revenge is a dish best served cold.-Jonathan said.

-You've seen Isabelle. She can't think rationally about the revenge, can't plan it. And neither can rest of them. They can't kill anyone in cold blood, not even to avenge one of their own. They don't have it within themselves.-

I felt my hands shivering, my pulse increasing. And it wasn't because of running.

_Do I have it within myself?_ I wondered in fear, an emotion that was strange to me. At least before I met Jonathan. I could finally recognize my emotions related to him as fear. Fear from be let down, fear from betrayal, fear from being abandoned. Fear from losing myself. _I just said I wouldn't be distracted by anyone in seeking for revenge. Would I kill someone's parabatai just because he or she stood in my way? _

-We'll deal with you later.-Jace's voice interrupted my thoughts and I was even grateful to him. He was addressing Jonathan.

-Now we'll see what kind of _parabatai_ you are. I wonder why Sam defends you so firmly.-

Jonathan smiled in Jace's direction, his smile as easy-going as usual.

-I'll do my best not to disappoint you.-

Jace frowned, but said nothing. I caught his gaze for a second and then turned my gaze towards the road in front of me. I could still see picture of his golden eyes in my mind and the question they had asked me: _If Jonathan is a monster and you knew it and you accepted him nevertheless, what does that make you?_


	21. Chapter 20

Nobody talked during our run, mostly because it would take away our strength and reduce our speed. But, it wasn't like we had anything special to say to each other. We were enemies forced to cooperate. I checked Jonathan and New Yorkers every couple of minutes, but none of them looked at each other at all. Jonathan ignored them, like they weren't there, and New Yorkers glanced more at each other than at him. I guessed it was the best situation I could get, due to circumstances.

I had no idea how to get to Jeff Goldmayer's house, since everything Amelia had said was that the house was somewhere in Newham. But, as we ran through Newham, I could see column of smoke raising towards London's sky. None of the mundanes even glanced at it, much less got worried about it, so the only assumption was that it came from the place covered with glamour. And I could hardly imagine that there was some other place that was scene of bad events beside the house of a dead warlock.

Orientating according to the smoke, we soon found the source of it. It even looked pretty normal for warlock's house, with no colour-mix or shiny things on the walls. There were just gray stone walls, dark wooden doors and windows. It seemed like an average London house. But, I guessed it had assumed that aspect because of Jeff's death. When there was no more magic to keep the house and its peculiarities alive, it had just gone back to what it was before Jeff had moved in.

The front door was open and I didn't even stop running. I burst into the house, holding Seraph blades in my hands and looking for a sign of demons' presence. The corridor was empty, dark and quiet. I could hear only my heartbeat, echoing among the walls and mixing with my deep breaths.

The light behind my back reinforced. I turned around and saw Jace holding witchlight in one hand and Seraph blade in another. When he noticed my gaze, he nodded quietly. I nodded too and continued to walk towards the door in front of us. I could feel Jonathan's presence on my left and Jace's on my right.

_Real gentlemen._ I smiled for myself, despite the situation. _Ladies first, even when the room behind the door is dangerous. Luckily, this lady can defend herself._

I pushed the door gently, wanting that they don't creak. It did for a moment, but then opened. In front of us was small kitchen, illuminated by gray sunlight from window on our left. The only reason we could recognize it as a kitchen was the fridge. Everything else was demolished, pieces of furniture lying all over the floor. Only the white fridge remained, like the one who destroyed the rest of the kitchen was hungry and decided to spare it.

-What has happened here?-I heard Alec's voice while walking towards the fridge.

-Somebody didn't like interior decoration.-Jace's tone was half-amused. At least the other half sounded a bit worried.

I stretched my hand out, grabbing the doorknob of the fridge. But, before I could pull it, somebody's hand grabbed mine.

-Are you crazy?-Jonathan whispered in my ear, sounding angrily.

-There's a good reason for that fridge being left. Maybe it's a trap.-

I turned around to face him.

-How can we know if we don't open it?-I asked firmly.

We stared at each other for few moments, our gazes waging war. He revealed himself without agreeing on that with me; I didn't have to ask him his opinion now. He wasn't my conscience or my mother, he was my _parabatai_. Those were completely different things. If he wanted to do act on his own hand, he had to let me do the same.

He finally gave in. His eyes left my face and looked at the fridge.

-OK.-he said, reconciled with my stubbornness.

-But, I'll open it. Stay behind me.-

I wanted to protest, but the way he looked at me before reaching for the doorknob stopped me. It seemed like he was afraid.

_Jonathan Morgenstern afraid?_ it sounded like the stupidest thought ever, but it was streaming through my mind anyway. _He's never afraid. He can face anything. But, why __did he look at me like that then?_

I followed his hand as it came closer to the fridge. He grabbed the doorknob and pulled.

The room was immediately filled with the worst scent I have ever smelled. It was the smell of death, disintegration and demons. I felt the need to throw up, but I managed to calm my stomach by putting my hands in front of my face and breathing through mouth. It wasn't pleasant that way either, because I felt like I could almost taste the air on my tongue, but it was a bit of improvement.

When I finally managed to focus on anything beside the smell, I looked into the fridge.

What I saw destroyed all my effort to prevent myself from throwing up.

There was a head in the fridge, but barely recognizable. There was few locks of brown hair left on it, like the hair didn't taste so well. But, the rest of the face was completely demolished. I could see holes in flesh where eyes used to be. It looked like the eyeballs were pierced, even through the skull, where we could also see holes, and then pulled out. There was so many blood around the eyes that I guessed it had happened while this person was alive. I shivered on the thought, trying to stop imagining pain so great. The nose was violently torn off from the face, leaving empty space behind. And mouth of the Silent Brothers seemed like blessing comparing to this one. Most of teeth were missing and the remained ones were broken and covered in blood. There was no tongue or lips left, but the trails on the chin and under nose suggested they were pulled out by teeth. Beside the blood, the face was covered with some kind of dust. It was greenish-gray and it was the reason for the smell even more than the flesh. It was the sign that demons had had their fun with the head and I didn't even want to think about things they did with the rest of the body.

I could feel content of my stomach in my throat. Nobody looked much better than I felt. Everyone's faces were pale and even started to turn green. We were all Shadowhunters, but some things were too much even for us.

-Let's move away.-I said that as fastest as I could, shutting my mouth before anything else could come out of it.

Everybody listened at once, except for Jonathan who listened a second later, after he had closed the fridge. We went back to the corridor, still holding our hands in front of our mouths. Jace was the first one who spoke again.

-What was that?-his voice was weak, like I have never heard from him before. But, I definitely couldn't blame him.

-Jeff Goldmayer's head.-Jonathan was the one who answered him.

I remembered he had already seen the body before. But, he looked as sick as the rest of us.

-Did it ... -my stomach threatened again, so I had to take a deep breath before I could speak again.

-Did it look like that when you saw it this morning?-

Jonathan shook his head.

-It was dreadful before, but now it's even worse.-he said and coughed.

-I guess that whoever did this let his demons to have little fun with it even after he was dead.-

I remembered my guess about pierced eyes, but I said nothing. There was no need to make everyone even more sick.

-We still haven't found Amelia and Thomas.-I mentioned, just to distract everyone from thinking about the scene we had just seen.

But, my idea didn't work out, in fact, it did the opposite. I could see everybody thought about the same as I did. _If demons did this to a warlock, who was partly of their kind, what would they do to Shadowhunters, their worst enemies?_

-Check every room in the house.-Jace's voice was urgent.

-If you find something, call the others at once.-

Nobody objected. We split up and started to check other rooms. Alec and Jace stayed in the ground floor, while Isabelle and Clarissa and Jonathan and I went to check the upper floor. Clarissa and Jonathan also pulled out a witchlight out of their gears, not even noticing each other doing the same. An enemy from the outside became a friend inside this house.

When we climbed up the stairs, Clarissa and Isabelle went to the left and Jonathan and I to the right.

There were two rooms on our side of the floor. First one was a small bathroom. We could see ceramic pieces of what used to be bathtub, toilet bowl and wash basin. It was demolished, but at least every last piece of it. Nothing remained whole, but after what we had seen in the kitchen, I was grateful for that.

Without a word, we left the bathroom and opened the door across it. It was a bedroom.

Gray rays of sun, typical for England instead of golden ones, were coming through the broken window, illuminating the mess in the room. Again, nothing remained whole, but there were pieces of fabric that used to be sheets. Feathers from destroyed pillows flew around the room when tiny breath of wind would come into the room.

I looked all over the room, but saw nothing suspicious. There was nothing we could look into.

I paced across broken furniture towards the window. I felt sudden need to feel the warmth of the sunlight on my skin. I needed a proof that normal world was still out there, beyond the walls of this dark house full of death. I needed to see buildings of London under the gray sky, hear sound of traffic created by mundanes, smell filthy air of London which carried scents of smoke, dirt and Thames.

It became so familiar in the last few months, so familiar I thought less and less about Alicante. It was said that every Shadowhunter thought of Idris as of his or hers homeland, but I lost that feeling. I remembered my family who was back there, my friend Levi and I missed them, but I knew I didn't want to come back there. It was the place which reminded me of loneliness and feeling of not-belonging. It reminded me of the Law which I found imperfect in some areas. It reminded me of Jonathan Morgenstern, Valentine Morgenstern's son.

And London reminded me of their opposites. Of a feeling I had someone I could trust and who trusted me. Of all the good things that came out from obeying the Law in the end. Of Jonathan Morgenstern, my_ parabatai_.

I looked through window, my gaze wandering around. At first I looked at sky, but then my gaze lowered and I noticed something in the backyard of Jeff Goldmayer's house.

There were three human silhouettes. Their faces were turned towards the house, but they didn't move at all, like they were trapped or waiting for something.

-Jonathan.-I called him and pointed towards the silhouettes.

He stood next to me, following the direction that my forefinger pointed. His face was serious.

-Do you think it's them?-he asked quietly.

I shrugged.

-There's only one way to find out.-

We left the room and went towards the other side of the floor. Clarissa and Isabelle just got out of the room on the same side of corridor as the bedroom.

-Have you seen them?-I asked when we got closer to them. I didn't want to shout in this house.

There was question in their eyes.

-Who?-asked Isabelle.

-This room is some kind of warehouse. There's nobody in here. And it's too dark even too see almost anything even with the witchlight.-

I took a deep breath and turned around.

-Hurry up.-I began to descend down the stairs.

-We have to find Jace and Alec immediately.-

I heard their footsteps following mine. In few seconds we were on the ground floor again and I was looking around, trying to catch a glimpse of Jace's witchlight.

-What's going on?-I heard Clarissa's voice.

-Clary?-Jace showed up in front of me, followed by Alec. His eyes checked if Clarissa ( obviously with nickname Clary ) was alright, then he looked at me.

-Have you found anything?-

-It's in the backyard.-I said, not sure what _was_ in the backyard, but I knew we had to go there. We had nothing to look for in this house and besides, I couldn't wait to get out of it.

We ran out and bypassed the house from its right side. My heart was beating fast, preparing for the battle and for shock. I have never been very optimistic. And after I had seen Jeff Goldmayer's head, I couldn't stop myself from preparing to see Amelia's or Thomas's in the same condition.

But, when we got in the backyard, there was no heads on the ground and no demons around. There were only Amelia, Thomas and some guy I didn't know. When she heard our steps, Amelia's gaze immediately went to us.

-Finally.-she said as her gaze skipped from one of us to another and then stopped on me.

-I'm really disappointed in you, Sam. It took you a lot more time than I expected to come here.-

I was confused.

-We've come as soon as we could.-

_And it's not my fault that we were slowed down._ I wanted to add, but I didn't. _New __Yorkers wanted a fight. _

She shrugged and waved her hand.

-Never mind, you're here finally. And you didn't lose either of them. That's what's important.-

I was politely confused before. Now I was rudely insulted.

_What are you thinking? That I'm some kind of idiot? Of course I didn't lose them._ I wanted to argue, but Amelia already turned towards the unknown guy.

She nodded.

-Only the Morgensterns.-

He nodded calmly.

A second after, the whole backyard was filled with demons.


	22. Chapter 21

Sudden attack of an army of demons came completely unexpected. I couldn't even say anything, couldn't wonder, couldn't argue. Suddenly the demons were there, coming towards us.

The only good news for me was that I wasn't the target. While approaching, demons moved away from me, wanting to bypass me.

Amelia's words echoed in my mind. _Only the Morgensterns._

But, I knew I would never allow it. The demons could either leave them alone, or take us all with them.

Luckily, I still had Seraph blades in my hands. If I hadn't, there was no chance I would have stopped claws that had run towards Jonathan in enormous speed. It was obvious that the order was to kill Jonathan and Clarissa, not to capture them. The claws had been going directly in direction of Jonathan's heart. And he couldn't have pulled his blades out from his gear in time to defend himself.

But, I jumped and stretched my hand out, cutting the claws with my blade. The demon vanished and by blocking its way I gave Jonathan enough time to grab his blades. In a second I felt his back leaning gently on mine, a touch that promised my back were guarded.

My sight was blocked by the biggest amount of demons I had ever seen. I could hear voices coming from somewhere outside the circle of demons that surrounded us and I recognized Jace's and Isabelle's voices who fought to protect Clarissa. I hadn't heard Alec's, but I guessed he was with them.

I didn't understand. And I needed an explanation. Although I couldn't see further from the first row of demons, I yelled:

-Amelia, what the hell is this?!-

There was no answer. Demons were coming closer and closer. There was no time for explanation now. The battle was approaching. And when it finally started, I gave myself up to it.

I could hear screams of Seraph blades striking the bodies of demons and sounds that reminded me of fire crackling. I could feel sweat on my forehead and on my palms while breath of demons was drifted in my face, hot like it was coming from hell itself. I smelled awful scent of their bodies when I came closer to them, stabbing one after another with my blades, sending them back to whatever dimension they had come from.

But, during all that time, I never left Jonathan out of my sight. Whenever he wasn't touching me, whenever I didn't have physical evidence of his presence, my gaze looked for him, making sure he was alright. This fight was about saving him; he was the one whose death was wanted. And I had no intentions to let it happen. I knew I will defend him until last piece of my strength was gone, because I knew he would do the same for me.

Now, he was fighting against enormous green-skinned demon with six legs which were trying to squash Jonathan like a bug. But, Jonathan smoothly avoided all of them and found a weakness in demon's defence. His blade flew through the legs and ran into demon's head. It squeaked loudly in high voice and then vanished.

I caught his gaze for few moments. As fast as I could, I checked him. I could see no heavy injuries, just few surface scratches that could easily be cured with few _iratzes_. But, his breathing was deeper and there was sweat all over his skin. I knew he was getting tired as well as I did. Nevertheless, we both continued to fight.

But, I could see there was just too many demons to kill them all. For every demon we had killed, two of them appeared in its place. And more of them were coming. I tried to look for New Yorkers, but the wall built of demons around me was too thick to see them. Among squeaking and screams of demons, I couldn't even hear their voices anymore. It seemed like the world beyond demons was gone, like the only human beings left were Jonathan and I.

I had to put a lot more effort than before to keep my hands and the blades in them raised. Drops of sweat were falling into my eyes, blurring my sight. My legs became heavy and my movements weren't as smooth as before. I could hear my heartbeat echoing in my ears, like drums announcing final moment.

I felt the blade slipping from my sweaty hand. I managed not to drop it, but in that second of my distraction, one demon got near me and punched me with one of his limbs. Its punch catapulted me across the ground, away from Jonathan. When I landed on the ground, world around me blurred, like I was looking at it through water.

I took a deep breath, trying to clear my head. It helped a bit, but then I saw the demon who had punched me coming closer again, like it had something personal against me, so important that it didn't follow commands and attacked Jonathan, but decided to finish me off.

I got up, trying to avoid the demon. I had dropped both of my Seraph blades when it had catapulted me and now I had no weapons, except for small, but sharp knife. The demon was twice my size, but therefore it was much slower than me. Now, when I was completely focused on it, I should have had advantage.

But, the fatigue streamed through my limbs, so I felt like I was carrying a bag full of rocks on my back. I was slower and my attacks weren't as precise as usually. Even that bulky demon was moving faster than me, thanks to its freshness. I couldn't stab him deep enough to seriously wound it. In fact, every scratch I made on its skin just made it more angry.

It managed to knock me down on the ground again. The fall knocked my breath out of my lungs, but I remained conscious. While lying on the ground, I glanced towards the place where Jonathan fought.

_Please, let him be alright._ I prayed in a moment of hope. But, then my irony got the best of me._ And if he has nothing to do, he could come and help me._

I could see Jonathan beside demon's leg and for a moment he saw me. His eyes narrowed and in a second he got rid of the demon he fought against and ran towards me. But, other demons figured his intention and blocked his way.

My gaze returned to the demon right in front of me. It stood very close to me now, its hands grabbing me. Its sharp claws left deep scratches on my shoulder. Pain streamed through me, but I didn't waste my strength on screaming. If I wanted to perform what I had in mind, I had to save it until the last moment.

I still held the knife in my hand, hiding it from demon's yellowish-gray eyes. It raised me in the air, like a father would do with his child, pretending that the child flies. But, I was no child and my intention was to kill this creature that held me. My advantage was that this demon had no poison horns or anything like it. It killed with pure force, intending to crush me against the ground.

Since the demon was big, while it held me in the air, I could see what was happening around us. I saw Amelia, Thomas and the warlock standing away from the fight, looking like they didn't even care about it. I saw New Yorkers fighting not so far away from me, the Lightwoods forming a triangle around Clarissa. And then I saw Jonathan fighting alone against four or five demons at once with nobody to protect him.

_I should be there, not losing my time in the claws of this awful creature._ I thought and looked in demon's eyes. The moment was coming.

It pushed me down, his hands setting me free for few short moments before I hit the ground. In those moments I took aim at demon's neck where his skin wasn't so hard and threw the knife.

But, I didn't have time to check if my attack had succeeded. Something else drew my attention.

While I was falling to the ground, only one scene mattered. It seemed like a dream, like it couldn't really happen. The time slowed down, it seemed to me like I had been falling for hours. The better word for it was probably _nightmare_.

I felt like I was drowning. I couldn't breathe, like all the air was suddenly gone. My mind didn't want to accept it, it seemed like it made my body suffocate just so it could stifle the picture in front of me.

_It's impossible._ I thought. _It can't be. It can't be._

But, I couldn't deny it, no matter how much I wanted to do it. It was real, undeniable and shocking. It felt like world was on the brink of destruction. Just because of one scene. The one that will hunt me for the rest of my life.

I closed my eyes, trying to deny it once again and stop my tears from falling in the same time. But, it was still behind my eyelids, inerasable like it had been cut into them: Jonathan, his chest covered with blood, a demon's horn run into his body all the way from his back to his chest, falling on the ground and looking like he will never stand up again.


	23. Chapter 22

-Jonathan!-I wasn't even sure if I had said out loud or just whispered it, but that was the only word that my lips managed to shape.

I fell on the ground, breathless again. Dizziness overwhelmed me for few moments, making me feel like I hadn't slept for days. My vision was blurred, everything around me seemed unreal.

But, I knew it was all real. More real than I wanted it to be.

_How can it be? _I couldn't even explain myself what was streaming through my mind. _Jonathan is the best fighter there is. And I'm his parabatai. I protect him. I would __never leave him. He can't be dead. I would never forgive myself._

I needed a weapon. I needed my knife back, so I could continue to fight alongside Jonathan. It was all I wanted to do right now, what I could imagine myself of doing.

I looked for the knife, but I couldn't see it anywhere on the ground. I forced my mind to remember where it was, what had happened before I saw Jonathan falling.

_The demon._ it shone in my mind suddenly, although the demon stood right in front of me.

My gaze searched its body. And there, in its neck, I noticed my knife.

It cut through demon's skin and a sudden stream of black blood rose up from the wound. Although I was still feeling dizzy after falling on the ground, I got up almost immediately, trying to avoid the blood. But, it got hold of my forearm and this time I didn't manage to hold back a scream. It burned my skin, making it black on the place it should have been pale pink. I felt the pain, but I didn't try to remove the blood, no matter how much I wanted to. If it got to my other hand, both of them would be useless for fight. And it was still on around me.

The demon in front of me vanished, drained out of its blood. I looked through mist that its disappearing had left, trying to see Jonathan.

He lay on the ground, motionless. The demons around him stood still, like they studied him and found extremely unusual that he wasn't moving anymore. And then I saw them moving, partly on the left, partly on the right, so they formed a passage between themselves. It led from Jonathan to Amelia. I could see her satisfied smile, like a child that got what it wanted for Christmas.

-Leave him. He's no problem anymore.-I heard her voice.

-Get the girl.-

The demons moved away from Jonathan, heading towards the other group which was trying to beat New Yorkers. My way now wasn't blocked, but I didn't want to move forward. It would make me see what I didn't want to see.

_C'mon, Sam._ I told myself, reaching for my knife which was lying on the ground. _I have to go to him. Maybe he's not so badly wounded. Maybe I can still save him._

I put one foot in front of the other, heading my way towards Jonathan. I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to reach the end of the road, knowing what horror waited me there. But, I continued to walk, determined to look at his face once again, to tell him I will do whatever was necessary to save him.

After few steps I was standing in front of Jonathan. His skin was paler even more than it usually was, making him look almost like a vampire. His fair hair was full of dirt which made it look gray. He was shaking slightly, like he had a fever. But, I couldn't separate my eyes from his chest. Dark yellow horn rose from it, covered in Jonathan's blood.

I fell on my knees, my hands grabbing the horn. I ignored the pain from the burn on my forearm, it meant nothing compared to the scene in front of me. I had often seen Jonathan covered in blood during battles, it was nothing strange. But, the horn didn't belong there, it made the whole picture look wrong.

But, in the second I wanted to pull the horn out, I felt a hand touching mine. It was Jonathan's.

-Leave it, Sam.-his voice was quiet and I could see every word was causing him even greater pain.

But, it didn't matter. He was still alive.

-I had to pull it out, so I can cure you.-I said, not moving my hands from horn.

His lips formed a small sarcastic smile, like I was a child telling fairytales.

-You know you can't cure this.-

-Of course I can.-words flew out of my mouth in a second.

-An _iratze_ ... -

-No _iratze_ can cure this and you know it.-Jonathan coughed and spat blood, like he wanted to prove his point.

His breathing was becoming more and more shallow. I could feel his pulse on my hand becoming slower. He was dying and I could do nothing about it.

-No, Jonathan!-my voice was strict like I was giving orders, but I wasn't a picture of a commander now. My cheeks were full of tears I didn't even notice that had started to stream. They were falling on his chest, mixing with blood and dirt.

I couldn't even look at his face, couldn't look at his black eyes as the spark of life was abandoning them. I couldn't stand it, knowing what that meant. I stared at the horn in his chest, my hands around it, and Jonathan's hand around mine.

I couldn't see that small movement, due the mist that tears had made in my eyes, but I felt it. There was enough strength left in Jonathan to squeeze my hand, making the only move that made me look at his face again.

-You're crying.-he said, but barely.

I nodded. I couldn't say anything, but my nod meant: _Of course I am. You're dying. I __don't want to lose you and I can feel you slipping through my fingers and I can do nothing about it but watch._

And Jonathan knew what it meant. I could see in his eyes that he knew. It was the way they shone this one last time.

-Thank you, Sam.-he said.

And then he was gone. His chest stopped rising, his heart stopped beating. Quietly, like he had fallen asleep.

A part of me died in that second, burned in the flame on my left palm. The rune that made Jonathan my _parabatai_ was gone with him. It abandoned me forever, just like Jonathan did, leaving me alone among dust and demons.

**I'm sorry if you don't like the events in this chapter, but it was the only way I could imagine it. I wanted a death worthy of a Shadowhunter for Jonathan, in a fight against demons, not a death durning fight against Jace and others or decided by the Clave in Idris. I hope you will continue to follow the story because it's not done yet.**


	24. Chapter 23

I felt like my whole body had been turned into stone.

My hands were still holding the horn in Jonathan's chest, but his hand wasn't on mine anymore. It fell on the ground next to his body when he died, when there was no strength or will which would hold it there.

I couldn't move away from him. His last words echoed in my mind.

_Thank you, Sam._

_For what?_ I wondered, unable to think clearly with all the pain I felt in body and soul_. For __crying while you were dying? For caring? For being your parabatai? For being your friend? For what?_

But, the only person who could answer me, who could explain it to me, was dead. And I couldn't leave him. He was my_ parabatai_, he should have been by my side forever.

_I should have been by his side when it mattered, but I wasn't. I'm the hypocrite, not __Jonathan._ thinking about it made the pain even worse, but I couldn't stop myself. _This is my fault._

Suddenly, a voice managed to break through the mist of pain and sadness that surrounded me. It was a female voice, and a familiar one.

-Leave, Sam.-Amelia said.

-This isn't your fight anymore.-

The only thing that could rouse me from my state was voice of the person who ordered Jonathan's death. I turned my head towards her. She stood few steps away, looking at me with almost completely neutral face expression.

-Why?-I whispered, not having the strength for anything more.

She saw my lips shaping a word, but she didn't realise what I had said.

-What did you say?-she asked, her voice calm and neutral.

_She doesn't care._ I realised. _She killed Jonathan and she can talk about it like nothing __happened. Because she wanted it to happen._

Rage rose in me. It gave me strength to get up and face Amelia. I had to know why she had done it, before I could run my blade through her chest like her demon did to Jonathan.

-Why?!-I shouted, loudly enough that half of London would hear me if I weren't under glamour.

But, my shouting meant nothing to Amelia. Her face expression remained indifferent.

-He's not worthy of your sorrow, Sam. Even death is too mild punishment for him.-

I made a slow step towards her, trying to hold back my anger, not to burst into a fight until death before I hear why, what Jonathan had done to her.

-Why?!-I screamed again.

-What did he do to you?! He's not Valentine!-

Amelia finally reacted. Her eyes narrowed and there was no indifference on her face anymore.

-But, he_ was_ his son!-she emphasised past tense, like she intentionally wanted to hurt me even more.

-And everything that has any connection to Valentine Morgenstern does not deserve to live!-

-He's not Valentine!-I put every bit of my strength into that scream.

She had no right to speak of Jonathan like that. And to me, he still wasn't left in the past yet. He was still here, waiting to hear reason for his death through my ears.

-Like everything Valentine had ever done, he was evil!-Amelia was now letting all of her own anger coming out.

-Maybe I couldn't kill Valentine myself, but I will send his children into hell to follow him!-

-Jonathan won't follow him!-I was wasting my strength on shouting, but I didn't care.

Rage was giving me strength. It seemed endless. I knew I'd have enough strength for avenging my _parabatai_'s death, no matter what it will take.

-He's not anything like Valentine anymore!-

Amelia laughed. It was an ironical laugh, explaining me what fool I was in her eyes.

-How do you think I recognized him?-she asked.

-When you came in London, I recognized Jonathan immediately. His face was exactly like the one I was seeing in front of my eyes all the time. Valentine's. And one of his children was within my reach. I just needed the other to finally revenge on him.-

-Revenge on him?!-I was shocked.

-The man is dead! Why isn't that enough for you like it is for the rest of us?!-

-Because he killed my family!-Amelia lost control over herself now. She kept shouting at me, like she saw Valentine standing there instead of me.

-You have no idea what he had done to me! You have no right to judge me!-

I saw Thomas, who came closer to Amelia and put gently his hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down. She leaned on him, like all that shouting knocked all the strength out of her. He looked at me over her head. His eyes were full of absolutely not joinable emotions; anger and compassion.

-Michael Wayland was my brother.-he obviously felt obliged to explain the rest of the story to me.

I listened carefully, looking for something that would justify their actions.

-In the time of Uprising, Amelia and Michael were married for two years. They had a son named Jonathan and she was pregnant again. But, Valentine killed my brother and his son, taking their names for himself and his adopted son. He banished Amelia from Wayland's manor without batting an eyelid.-

-Why didn't she go to the Clave?-I protested, trying to ignore everything that Thomas had said. She had enough time to do it then, to have her revenge then. She didn't have to do it now by killing Jonathan.

Anger erased the rest of compassion from Thomas's eyes.

-She just lost a child; she wasn't capable of going to the Clave. They didn't know for some time if she was going to survive.-he growled.

-And after that, she knew that Valentine would have found a way to escape again if she had gone to the Clave. So, she decided to wait for her own chance for revenge.-

-And then you joined her, I suppose.-I interrupted him, still not satisfied.

_It was all Valentine's fault, not Jonathan's._ I thought, my hands clenched into fists_. I can __understand the Lightwoods' anger, but not yours. You killed Jonathan to revenge on his father, who was already dead. Nothing you say can make me forgive you._

-Yes.-Thomas continued after my interruption.

-At first it was just an agreement, but then we fell in love and got married. But, we've never forgotten Valentine, the man who took away our brother and husband, our son and nephew.-

-And the fact he was dead after the battle in Idris wasn't enough for you?-I growled at them, still seeing Jonathan's body in front of my eyes, although it was now lying behind me.

Amelia finally separated her head from Thomas's chest. Her eyes were read of crying, but she looked at me like she wanted to kill me with just a glance.

-Jonathan was his blood!-she shouted again.

-I hope that, whatever hell he's now, he saw his son dying! That he feels how I had been feeling from the day he killed my family! He deserved nothing better!-

-But, Jonathan did!-I yelled, walking towards them, my every step hitting the ground as strong as I could do it, like I was trying to cause an earthquake.

-He did not!-Amelia took a dagger out of her gear, noticing the threat.

-And neither do you! You accepted a monster, a demon, as your _parabatai_ and you knew all along what you were doing! I have no idea what I was thinking when I decided to spare your life!-

-That's right, kill me as well!-I wanted her to feel the poison from my words and I knew exactly where to aim.

-Prove that you're nothing better than Valentine! Kill me because I'm on your way!-

Thomas wanted to come closer to me, rage burning in his eyes, but Amelia's outstretched hand stopped him.

-Leave her to me. I've had enough of that awful brat.-

Thomas looked at her for a second and then nodded.

She jumped towards me, her dagger speeding up towards my chest.

I had only my knife to defend myself. I was tired from the fight against demons. I was wounded.

But, nothing could stop me. My _parabatai_ was just killed. By the woman who wanted to take my life as well.

_Let the Angel curse me at once if I let you that, bitch._ I raised my hand, holding my knife tight as it was the most precious thing in the world. Right here, right now, for me it was.

Her dagger and my knife collided, the iron making noise around us. Her hit was strong, but I held my ground. I felt pain streaming through my limbs like a virus, but I didn't let it overwhelm me. My teeth clenched, every part of my body tensed, my breath was held.

But, I didn't give in.

Our faces were so close now that I could see every emotion in Amelia's face, all the anger, hatred and pain. But, I didn't feel sorry for her, for she didn't feel sorry for me. We both lost somebody we cared about, but she wasn't facing the murderer right now. I was. And there wasn't a slightest chance I would let her win.

She saw that she couldn't beat me with pure force, so she moved away and then attacked again, relying on speed. I guessed she hoped that my fatigue would be her advantage, that my every move would be a desperate attempt of defence.

But, I didn't wait for her now. I didn't defend. That was the tactic I never used. I didn't know how to use it. I was always the attacker. And no matter how tired I was or how good anybody knew my fighting skills, I fought always in the same way. I never lost my faith in my abilities, not even when I had been defeated by Jonathan in Alicante.

And now I was pissed off, angry and hurt. I had a revenge to get done now.

Knife and dagger collided again and again, making a noisy symphony out of clashes of iron. She tried everything to get through my defence, but I didn't let her. I fought like it was the last fight of my life. Rage was still in me, but I wasn't reckless because of it. It gave me strength, it held me on my feet, but I was cold like an ice, thinking carefully about every next move. I looked for weakness in her defence, a hole that would let me ran my knife into her body.

And then I found it. She got tired, incapable to break me and she started to make mistakes. And I saw my chance.

In a second, fast like attack of a snake, my knife avoided her dagger, sneaked under her arm and cut her thigh. Blood started to bleed from her wound at once, making her yelling in pain. She backed off few steps away from me, trying to stop the bleeding by hand. But, it was a very good cut and she didn't succeed. I felt proud of myself.

Thomas, who didn't interfere in our fight according to his wife's wishes, ran immediately towards us, before I could finish Amelia off. He pulled out a knife from his gear and stood next to her. She leaned on him again, but her eyes didn't leave my face.

-You disgusting traitor!-she spat towards me.

-Demon's _parabatai_! You're not worthy of being a Shadowhunter!-

-Jonathan wasn't a demon.-I couldn't believe how calm my voice sounded now. It was cold and threatening, like all humanity had been sucked out of me.

-And a Shadowhunter who uses demons to kill one of his own is worst than demon. That Shadowhunter is just like Valentine Morgenstern.-

I knew they had realised the point. And it pissed them off again. Amelia's hand was on Thomas's shoulder and she was limping, but they moved towards me again.

And now I knew my chances to get away alive were very small. I could match one of them alone, but not both of them at once. We were standing on open field and the house was too far away for me to reach it. I had nobody and nothing to guard my back. And they weren't demons, without abilities to plan an attack.

_No matter how angry they are, they won't reduce their chances to beat me by attacking carelessly._ I knew it. _They will make me between themselves and when I turn around __towards one of them, the other will stab me in the back. And no matter what Jonathan __said, I'm not a medical miracle._

Suddenly, I heard a scream. That distracted both me and the Waylands. We all looked towards the circle of demons that still surrounded the Lightwoods and the last member of Morgenstern family.

Since moment of Jonathan's death, I completely forgot they existed. I forgot they were fighting too, fighting to save Clarissa's life. But, obviously, they were getting tired. They were outnumbered, just Jonathan and I had been. And a scream had come from a girl. Demons didn't leave, so I supposed it had been Isabelle who screamed, but it was just a matter of minutes before demons kill Clarissa.

My gaze looked for the man who came here with the Waylands. He was obviously the warlock who had summoned demons. He stood there, watching them. He didn't even look at our direction. His task was to force demons to kill Clarissa. So, he didn't pay attention to anything else.

I glanced at the knife in my hand.

_If I throw it at the warlock, I'll have nothing to protect myself._ I thought, looking just for a second towards the Waylands, who were still distracted by the scream.

-Is she dead?-I heard Amelia asking the warlock.

The warlock turned around and looked at us. His hands were relaxed by his sides. He won't have time to defend himself.

_Damn it, I'm dead anyway. I could at least make Amelia's life miserable again._ I swung and let go the knife.

It ran right into warlock's chest, straight through his heart. He was dead before his body touched the ground.

_Even Jonathan couldn't throw the knife better than that._ I had to smile, despite everything.

All demons vanished in a second, when there was no power to keep them there. I saw the Lightwoods and Clarissa staring around themselves, wandering what had happened.

And then I felt gazes of the Waylands on me. I ruined everything they had planned. I was _parabatai_ to someone who they hated the most. I had no understanding for their actions. And they hated me for that maybe even more than they hated Valentine.

-You!-Amelia yelled and attacked me, despite her injured thigh.

I raised my hand, desperately trying to defend myself. I felt the dagger running into my right arm, tearing my skin apart all the way from elbow to palm. The pain was too big to describe it. I felt the dagger reaching to my bones. I couldn't stop the bleeding and blood from my hand started to cover my whole body, making me feel like I was having a bath in it. It was pointless to try to hold back a scream and even if I tried, I wouldn't make it. It felt like my hand was burning from the inside, making me wish for someone to kill me and set me free.

But, nobody did it. Suddenly, New Yorkers were around me, fighting against Thomas and Amelia, making them back off from me. I held my right hand, covered in blood in my left. I felt nothing but pain in it. I couldn't even move it.

But, I still went forward, where Clarissa and Isabelle were fighting Amelia. I had to look in Amelia's eyes one more time, let her know she had lost.

Isabelle knocked Amelia, who had been exhausted from fight against me and surprised by the new attackers, on the ground. She lay there, still holding the dagger that had pierced my forearm raised in her hand. But, Isabelle's golden whip knocked it out of her hand and the dagger fell right in front of my feet.

-It's over.-Isabelle said, not noticing where the dagger was gone, not even noticing me approaching.

-You'll be judged by the Clave. I won't be hoping for a mild punishment.-

_No._ I thought, walking towards them almost like a zombie. _She won't be judged by the Clave. I'll be both her judge and her executioner. I won't let __her escape. My parabatai is dead because of her and I'll avenge him right here, right now._

I pushed Isabelle out of my way. She didn't expect it, neither did Clarissa, and they had no chance to stop me.

I raised my left hand, aiming Amelia's chest, not even looking at her eyes.

_I had found last pieces of my strength to do it and I will not soften again by seeing fear in her eyes. She will get what she deserved. I have to be ruthless, for Jonathan's sake._

My arm lowered towards Amelia's chest, my body following it to give her all the strength left in me. I could see the picture of the top of the dagger already piercing Amelia's chest in my mind, but then, right before the dagger touched Amelia's body, something grabbed my hand and stopped it.

I didn't have the strength to raise my head. I didn't care who it was. I just wanted to let my hand go, so I could finish what I started. But, the hands held mine tight, not showing intention of letting me go.

-Sam, don't.-I heard Jace's voice, gentle, but resolute.

-You can't kill her.-

-Watch me.-it was a miracle, I thought in that second, how I had strength for almost nothing now, but still had it enough to be sarcastic.

I tried to lower my hand again, but Jace didn't let it move.

-I know she killed Jonathan, but she will be punished for that by the Clave.-he said and his words made everything worse.

_No, no._ I was determined. _I have to do it myself. It's my right. I have to avenge Jonathan __with my own hands. _

But, I couldn't say it out loud. Dizziness was overwhelming me, my sight blurred. I couldn't distinguish Amelia's face features anymore. But, I still knew where her chest was, where her heart was beating. And I had to run the dagger through it before I pass out or die. Because I won't have another chance to do it.

-Let me do it.-I mumbled.

-For Jonathan. He'd do it for me.-

The dagger was slipping out of my fingers which couldn't hold him anymore. I was so tired. I wanted to end it and then lose myself in darkness.

But, Jace's voice kept me aware of everything. His words was the only thing that was managing to get to my mind.

-You're not Jonathan.-he said.

-You're Sam. Idris's best Shadowhunter. Great fighter. Sometimes annoying more than people can bear.-

I heard some strange noise, like somebody was holding back a laugh. But, I didn't care. I had ears only for Jace's words. They were important.

-You kill demons, not people. And somehow, I believe Jonathan would want you to keep your hands clean of human blood. I saw you fighting alongside each other today. I could never imagine him as someone's _parabatai_, but he was yours, Sam. He truly was.-

Jace's words reminded me. Reminded me who I was. Who my real opponents were. What the point of my life was. Who I saw in Jonathan Morgenstern.

And then, a moment after I had remembered, I couldn't stand it anymore. I gasped and dropped the dagger. Darkness wrapped me up and I knew nothing more.


	25. Chapter 24

**Took me few days more than usually, I know, but I wrote two chapters instead of one to make up for it :) I hope you will enjoy :)**

I was awake.

It was one of those moments when you wake up and you know you are awake, but your eyelids remain closed. That was the way I felt. But, I knew I was awake.

It seemed so hard to open my eyes. I still felt so tired. But, I could feel that behind my eyelids wasn't utter darkness. There was also light. The sun must have come out already. It was a new day, there were new demons to kill. And I had to get up. I had to wake up Jonathan. He loved to oversleep breakfast and make Amelia mutter. Sometimes I thought none of our fighting skills would be enough to prevent Amelia to banish us from London for all the time she would remain leader of the London Institute. We could at least come to breakfast in time, she would always point out.

I sighed, hating to leave the bed so soon and finally opened my eyes.

I was alone in my room. It was so silent and peaceful. I glanced around, enjoying myself. It wasn't usual for the Institute to be so quiet, even in the morning. There were always footsteps, talks, laugh that could be heard even from the other floors. But, now it was completely silent, like somebody had died and everyone were in grief.

_Somebody did die._ it suddenly occurred to me.

I remembered the pain, the sorrow, the desire for revenge. And there was only one person I wanted to avenge.

I jumped out of the bed like a bullet fired out from a gun. I could feel my breath being stuck in my throat. I could feel every bruise, every unhealed injury on my body hurting with full strength again. But, I didn't care.

I opened the door of my room and hurried to the one on my right. I pushed it and found an empty room behind it. There was no sign that room ever belonged to someone. There was no private things, just a bed, a cabinet, a desk and a chair. It looked like any of the empty rooms of the Institute.

I leaned on the doorpost, not able to stand straight under the burden of remembering the truth. I breathed heavily, like I had just run a marathon.

_Jonathan didn't come back. He didn't because he's dead._ my thoughts managed to concentrate as much. _My parabatai is dead._

And then everything started to come back. I remembered that the Waylands were responsible for this, that they wanted to revenge on Valentine so much that they wanted to kill his children, just to make him feel the pain he couldn't and, from what I knew about him, he wouldn't feel. I remembered that I had almost killed Amelia in my pain and that Jace had stopped me. I remembered the moment of Jonathan's death. I remembered his last words.

_You shouldn't have thanked me!_ I wanted to scream, although the person who should hear that scream couldn't do it. _I didn't save you! I wasn't there when I had to be! I __should have protected you! You're dead because I wasn't good enough!_

I ran back in my bedroom, tears falling on my face while I was running. My body was refusing to follow my mind's orders, so I limped, but I wanted every step to hurt. It was my punishment for not doing what _parabatai_ should do.

I fell on my bed, grabbing for my pillow and put it on my head. I didn't want even the walls around me to see me crying. I hadn't cried for years, like I hadn't been scared for years, but my friendship with Jonathan had changed that. Although he had demons' blood in his veins, he made me more human than I had ever been.

I gasped under the pillow, wondering if I was actually trying to strangle myself.

_I could never do that._ irony streamed through me. _I'm too weak, just as I was too weak __to save Jonathan. Clarissa must have survived. They protected her. And I, so-called __Idris's best Shadowhunter, couldn't have protected my parabatai. The Angel should __curse me right now. I don't deserve any better._

While I was lying on the bed, nothing hurt me anymore. And I wanted pain to be there. Physical pain could clear my mind from that in my heart. I needed it right now if I wanted to survive. And if I had ever been anything in my life, I was survivor. I escaped death so many times I couldn't give myself up to it. It was in my blood to run from it. But, I was on the edge right now and I had to clear my head. I needed to focus and there was no better aim than physical pain.

I got up and went to the desk in my room. There was only a book there, _Pride and __prejudice. _

I didn't want to see it. It reminded me that few days ago, when I had been reading it, Jonathan had been alive. I grabbed it and hurled it across the room. It hit the wall and fell on the floor. I felt dark satisfaction when I saw it there, knowing I could have damaged it.

But, now was the time to damage myself. I punched the desk as strong as I could. The pain streamed through my hand, but I was calm about it. I thought only about how my hand hurt. There was no space for any other thought. That was the point of the punch.

But, then the pain faded and I was facing Jonathan's dead in my mind again.

I punched the desk again. And again. And again. And again. My knuckles were burning at first, making me cry again, but then they became numb. I changed the hand, but I didn't stop crying. I punched again. And again. And again.

And then somebody grabbed my hand and stopped me. I screamed and started rousing, trying to free myself. I needed my focus back, I needed the pain. I wanted to be alone. I _was_ alone. A weird Shadowhunter girl with no friends, that was who I was now.

-Sam!-somebody shouted behind me.

-Sam, stop it!-

-No!-I screamed, punching the person behind me with my elbow.

He sighed, but his abdominal muscles absorbed my hit, so he didn't let me go. On the contrary, he his other hand grabbed my waist, trying to stop my rousing.

-Sam!-I finally recognized Jace's voice.

I fought and fought, but he was stronger and my strength melted away fast. Soon I was leaning on him, unable to stand on my feet. He didn't hold my previous behaviour against me, but held me in his hands like I was made of glass. My head was leaned on his chest, right under his chin. His body was warm, even through his gear.

-Won't your girlfriend be jealous if she finds you here in this compromising position?-I had no idea where that came from, but I had to say it, despite myself.

After few moments of silence, like he couldn't believe I had just joked, Jace laughed.

-If you're trying to separate me and Clary to get me for yourself, you'll have to try harder.-

I tried to smile, but my lips remained still. Jonathan was dead. It was my fault. No joke could change that.

I wasn't rousing anymore. I almost lay in Jace's arms. My limbs were numb, just like my mind. There was no strength left in me.

He turned me slowly and gently, making me face him. His golden eyes were calm and sympathetic.

-I'm sorry, Sam.-he was sorry for me, not for Jonathan, I knew it.

But, that wasn't enough to comfort me.

-I should have protected him!-tears burst from my eyes again.

-It's my fault he's dead! If I had been faster, if I had been stronger, he'd still be alive!-

-No, Sam ... -Jace started.

But, I already used his relaxation. I set myself free from his arms, looking at him through mist of tears now. My legs found strength to hold me straight.

-It's my fault! You did well when you rejected to be my _parabatai_! If you accepted me, you'd be the one dead now!-I screamed at him, just wanting that he would go away.

-I'm the worst _parabatai_ that has ever existed! Or I should say, I _was_!-

-There were many Shadowhunters whose _parabatai_ were killed ... -Jace tried again, but I didn't want to listen.

-But, they did everything they could to prevent it!-I interrupted him.

-And if this was what so-called Idris's best Shadowhunter could do, I was never worthy of being one! I was never worthy of being someone's _parabatai_ and this is the proof!-

Jace looked at me in silence for few moments, his eyes full of pity.

-His death wasn't your fault ...-

-Don't bother.-suddenly, my voice was cold as ice.

-Just leave me alone. You'd do well for yourself to do so. And so would everyone else. Just stay away from me.-

He didn't move for few moments, looking like he was going to say something, but then he turned around and walked towards the door.

I was satisfied and sad in the same time. I proved my point, but it cost me much. Maybe more than I could afford myself to lose so quickly after I had lost Jonathan.

-We're leaving for Alicante tomorrow in the morning.-my glance went towards the door, where he still stood.

-There will be Amelia's and Thomas's trial. You have been out for day and a half, but now you're awake. If you want to come with us, you can.-

After that, he went out and closed the door. I stood in the middle of my room, feeling more lonely than ever in my life. I didn't want anyone to come into my room and making noise would draw them like light was drawing insects. I went back to bed and curled up, praying that sleep would soon come down on me again and take me back to blissful state of oblivion.


	26. Chapter 25

Darkness. Wherever I looked, it was there. It was black, black like Jonathan's eyes. I knew that because he was there with me. I could feel his presence, even though I couldn't see him. My palm and rune on it recognized him.

_Jonathan?_ I asked, not sure if I had just thought of his name or whispered it. It didn't really matter. He knew I had said his name.

_Yes, Sam?_ his words sounded playfully, like some childish Jonathan, whom I have never met, said them.

_You seem happy._ I commented.

_I am happy._ he replied calmly, like the happiness was the only thing he could feel.

_I'm glad you are._ I said, not even wondering why he was happy or where we were or any logical question. All that mattered was that Jonathan was happy.

And he knew how I felt. I heard him laugh, sweetly and honestly like Jonathan who I knew never did. There was no sarcasm or mockery in that laugh.

_I have you to thank for that, Sam._ he said.

_Well, thank me already or I will be insulted._ I pretended arrogant, but he knew I wasn't serious.

_I did that already. Don't you remember?_ his voice sounded honestly curious, like that memory was very important to him and he thought it would be important to me as well.

I tried to remember. I was sure he had said _Thank you, Sam._ to me. But, I couldn't remember when or why. But, it didn't matter.

_I do._ I confirmed.

Jonathan laughed again.

_I told you so._

I stuck my tongue out, infected by Jonathan's childish behaviour. I could be whatever I wanted here and Jonathan would never hold it against me. And then I heard him laughing again and it made me laugh as well. To me, it sounded like the sweetest music ever. It was wonderful.

_You're crazy._ he said when we had finally stopped laughing.

_You're my crazy parabatai. The best parabatai ever._

In that moment I was glad there was darkness all around us because I was sure I was blushing. I wasn't used to be praised so much for my character. People praised my fighting skills often, but I knew that Jonathan wasn't talking about them.

_You really think so?_ I asked, but then smiled, trying to make my question less serious than it was.

_Of course you do. I'm the only parabatai you've ever had, I have to be the best. Not that I wouldn't be the best anyway, though._

This time, Jonathan didn't laugh. I felt anxiety rose in me, destroying happiness and peace of our conversation.

And then, in those few moments of Jonathan's silence, everything came back to me. I remembered his lifeless body which had lain on the ground, horn piercing his chest. I remembered how much I blamed and hated myself for everything that had happened.

_Jonathan, I'm so sorry._ I knew it wasn't enough, but I had nothing else to say.

_I should have protected you. But I didn't. You're dead because I didn't save you._

There was no answer. I wondered if he had gone, not able to stand near me anymore. I wanted to cry again.

_I'm dead because demon killed me._ I heard his voice again.

_You survived the fight, Sam. You were strong enough. I wasn't._

I felt relief because he hadn't left. But, his words made no sense. There was no accusation in them, no anger, no pain. They were just the fact as Jonathan saw them, completely opposite of my point of view.

_But, I'm your parabatai._ I couldn't make myself use the past tense.

_I should have protected you when you were in danger. That's what parabatai do during the fight, right?_

Suddenly, there was a flash of white light. It almost blinded me, after my eyes had accustomed to darkness. But, after few seconds, I managed to look at it.

There was Jonathan, smiling at me. His blond hair looked even lighter than when he had been alive. There was brilliance in his eyes which could compare to any precious stone, making their blackness extraordinary beautiful. He had told me he was happy and I had heard it in his voice, but now I could see it, I completely believed him.

But, he wasn't alone. A silhouette walked next to him, or better said, flew. He was taller even than Jonathan. His face was young and beautiful, but I couldn't guess his age. He looked like a child and an old man in the same time, like his look wasn't affected by years that had passed, but his face expression made it clear he was wise and very, very old. His eyes shone like a sun and were painful to look at.

_Samantha Carstairs._ His calm voice pronounced my name. Power in it made me shiver. My name seemed as meaningless as I felt.

_Who are you?_ I wanted to ask, but decided I had no rights to ask questions this time. I didn't remember speaking out loud, but he laughed, like he had heard my question and understood my intention.

_I am Raziel._ he said, like that was nothing important.

Breath stuck in my throat. He was something like my ancestor, like ancestor of all Shadowhunters. And I was standing here, face to face with him.

_I ... I ..._ I couldn't think of anything to say.

He laughed again and Jonathan joined him.

_She's just surprised._ I heard Jonathan's voice.

_She usually isn't so speechless._

_I know._ Raziel's eyes didn't leave my face.

_Your parabatai is special, Jonathan. More special than even she herself knows._

_What do you mean, ..._ I had no idea how to address him and I was asking questions to an angel again. I felt uncomfortable and feared I was making mistake with every move I make.

_I can feel your respect is beyond anything that could be described with words, Samantha, so you need not to think about a proper title. _Raziel said, obviously familiar with my every thought.

_And you accomplished a deed so great your name should be celebrated among those who carry my blood._

I was even more confused than before.

_Why should I be celebrated among Shadowhunters? I did nothing great. I kept secrets from them and almost killed one of them. It will be a miracle if they allow me to remain __among them._ I couldn't stop myself from thinking, not even knowing my thoughts were like words said out loud to Raziel.

_Your greatest deed stands right next to me, Samantha._ his eyes, as well as mine, glanced at Jonathan, who nodded towards me with smile still on his face.

_Jonathan?_ I didn't know if I was asking him or Raziel to explain me.

_My blood lost its power over me because of you._ Jonathan said after a small nod from Raziel.

_My father taught me how to fight, how to kill. But, it was you who taught me what it means to be a Shadowhunter, what is our quest._

_Our quest is to kill demons, you knew that._ I thought I was given undeserving praises.

_Jonathan might be bad once, but he had goodness in his heart all along. He could turn __out good even without me, and maybe live to a certain age, what he didn't make now._

For a moment, I looked back at Raziel. His lips shaped a smile.

_Don't you see it, Samantha?_ he said.

_That is your greatest deed. You saw light where everyone else saw darkness. Even __Jonathan saw darkness in himself. And you showed him there is good in him, you __believed in him. Because of you he is not with demons now. He is with us._

I gasped in sudden attack of happiness. But, not because of Raziel's praise of my actions, but because of Jonathan.

_You are in heaven?_ I asked, feeling the tears of joy falling on my cheeks.

Jonathan smiled and nodded.

_Yes, I am._

_How is it?_ I asked before I could stop myself.

_More beautiful than I can describe_. he said and I could see in his eyes that he meant it. I couldn't know how beautiful heaven is until one day I lay my own eyes on it.

Jonathan looked towards Raziel again. They looked at each other for few moments, like they were talking with thoughts. I couldn't hear them as they could hear me, but I didn't mind. There was hardly place for me in conversation between an angel and a person who lived in heaven. I was still human. It wasn't mine to interfere now, so I waited.

Suddenly, Jonathan turned around and came closer to me. Before I could say or do anything, his hand touched mine. His skin now seemed like a smoke, barely touchable. But, I still felt his left hand on mine. Parts of rune that made us _parabatai_, though faded, still matched perfectly.

_Sam, my death wasn't your fault._ his black eyes captivate mine completely.

_But, my life was. Before you, I wasn't really alive. I was captivated in the trap of my blood. And our friendship set me free. Now it has to set you free from guilt. Promise me __that it will._

I looked at him, wanting so badly he could come with me. He was the only one I wanted as my _parabatai_. He was my best friend. Before I met him, I hadn't known what that meant. But, now I knew. And I knew I had to let him go. He deserved to be happy, to be free from his blood. And in heaven he could be. He only asked one thing of me. And I knew I would give my best to fulfil it.

_It will, Jonathan._ I said. _I promise._

Smile that had shown up on his face was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. It made tears start dropping from my eyes again. He raised his right hand and wiped them.

_I'll always be your parabatai. Because you are perfect parabatai to me. Remember that always._ he said and let my hand go.

_Ave atque vale, Sam Carstairs._

I blinked and in a second both Jonathan and Raziel were gone.

* * *

A second after I was awake. Tears were still on my cheeks. Sheets around me were wet from them.

I was happy and serene. I couldn't stop smiling.

Light of newborn dawn was falling on me and I thought I was feeling glimpses of heaven that Jonathan had been talking about. I got up, music of our laughing still echoing in my mind, and went towards window. Usually I couldn't see stars on the sky above London, but now I could see one. Venus shined firmly, like she wanted stay on the sky even after the sun comes out. I never saw it before in the morning and it looked completely differently than in the evening. It seemed to me that she wanted to make this day special, be the one who will help the sun to light the Earth.

_Morning star. Morgenstern._ my German was good enough to understand it.

_You're still here. Even though I can't see you, you're still here._

In that second, Venus was gone, replaced by golden rays of sun. But, it was still there on the sky. It still watched the Earth.

_Morgenstern is still returning my gaze._ I smiled and then went back towards my bed.

This day had started and I had few things to do. First of them was prepare myself for journey to Idris. There were few things to be done there.


	27. Chapter 26

The trial lasted for four days.

I had missed the first one, due the fact I had been lying unconscious in the London Institute, but I was present on the other three.

On the third day of the trial, my second since coming to Idris, I had been asked to tell the story to the Clave from my point of view. I had told them about our visits to London's warlocks, about the fight in the backyard of Jeff Goldmayer's house and Amelia's words about revenge. Both of the Waylands had sat in the courtroom while I had talked, staring at me indifferently. It had seemed that they hadn't cared about the trial at all, since their plan had partly failed. Clarissa was still alive, sitting in the courtroom next to the Lightwoods. Neither of them had talked to me, although I had sometimes felt their gazes on me. But, I hadn't cared. I had been there just to make sure that murderers of my _parabatai_ would be punished properly.

Shortness of the trial wasn't surprising. The Waylands had admitted everything and their words had explained few obscurities to me. Thomas had admitted he was the one who had visited warlocks, wearing blond wig so he wouldn't be recognized. They had hired Xavier Lander to summon the demons, but Jeff Goldmayer had somehow found out and blackmailed them, so they had killed him. The Waylands hadn't given Jonathan over to the Clave because they had wanted to gain our trust and eventually bring Clarissa to London, so they could kill them both in the same time. They hadn't wanted to kill just one Morgenstern and risk increasing protection around the other.

On the fourth day of the trial, we sat in the courtroom, waiting for the judgement to be brought. My parents were sitting around me and Levi was also close. He had tried to talk to me about Jonathan and everything that had happened, but I refused him every time.

I didn't want to talk with anyone about Jonathan. People had found out who he was and were looking at me with shock and anger in their eyes. To them I was a traitor, not a victim. To them, Jonathan deserved death, even if Amelia and Thomas had caused it from the wrong reasons. That trial had also been mine, because the Clave had been evaluating if I should be allowed to stay among Shadowhunters. They had been trying to find Valentine's words in mine, to prove that Jonathan and I had wanted to continue Valentine's plans. I had chosen my words carefully, not letting them see anything suspicious in my words and pointing out everything Jonathan had done for me to prove he had been Shadowhunter and _parabatai_ the Clave should be proud of. But, sometimes I hadn't known if my words had turned out right or they just made the Clave more suspicious.

But, I sat calmly in my chair now, waiting for the end.

I had no idea what I would do after the trial was over. I couldn't have another _parabatai_ even if I wanted to. Each Shadowhunter could have only one _parabatai_ in their life. Some continued to fight alone. Some stayed away from the fights, helping in the Institutes around the world. Some gave up being Shadowhunters and lived as mundanes. Every of those solutions had its flaws.

_I'll decide after the trial._ I promised to myself. _Or the Clave will do it for me if they decide __I'm not worthy of being a Shadowhunter anymore._

In that moment, Amelia and Thomas showed up. They sat on the chairs in the middle of the room where the accused always sat. Their faces were indifferent, like they had been during the entire trial. They didn't look at me, but I saw their gazes stopping on Clarissa for a moment. Then they looked at the Consul who just showed up and was waiting for the silence, so he could announce the judgement.

My hands clenched into fists, almost against my will. I tried to look as indifferent as the Waylands, not to show how vulnerable had Jonathan's death left me. But, it affected me still, even after the dream I never doubted it was real. That crime left its trace on me and that trace will never be gone.

The room fell into silence. All the gazes were on the Consul, who looked at the Waylands. He took a deep breath.

-The Clave listened to witnesses and the accused and brought the judgement.-his voice echoed the room.

-Amelia and Thomas Wayland will have their Marks striped off. The Clave banishes them from Idris and world of Shadowhunters forever. They will live as mundanes and have no connections to Shadowhunters. Caroline Wayland and Elizabeth Wayland will also take part in their parents' judgement.-

For a moment, I felt sorry for the Wayland twins, who will never have a chance to experience the life of Shadowhunters. But, then emotions burst out of me. I got up, ignoring the Consul and the rest of the Clave. I felt my parents' hands trying to pull me back to my seat, but I roused.

-Just banishing?!-I shouted in shock.

-They deserve to be cursed! They killed another Shadowhunter!-

Every pair of eyes in the room was now looking at me. Most of the face expressed dissatisfaction and shock about my behaviour. Nobody had the right to interrupt the Consul. Some of them looked at me with compassion, knowing it had been my _parabatai_, whoever he was, that had been killed. They tried to understand my sorrow, my pain.

But, I didn't care for neither of them. I stared at the Consul's green eyes. He looked at me indifferently, like I was nothing more than a fly on the wall.

-Please, sit, Samantha Carstairs.-he said calmly.

-The Clave has already made its decision. You can't change it.-

-The decision isn't fair.-I forced myself to sound as calm as he did.

-My _parabatai_ is dead because of those people. I demand stricter punishment.-

-You have no right to demand anything.-he said with a spark of anger and annoyance in his eyes.

-The Clave has decided about your case as well. Sit down so you can hear it.-

I didn't move.

-I'll stand, thank you.-my eyes didn't move from his.

-Just so I can hear better.-

-Samantha!-I heard my mother's whisper behind my back, but I ignored it.

The Consul looked at me for few more seconds, than shrugged and began to talk again.

-As you heard during this interruption,-his eyes didn't look for mine again.

-The Clave had decided not to punish Samantha Carstairs.-

I held my breath.

_The Clave didn't decide about my future for me. I have a chance to do it myself._ it was relief and new burden in the same time. But, I felt there was something else behind the Consul's words, so I didn't show any emotion on my face.

-Even though her _parabatai_ was Jonathan Morgenstern, son of Valentine Morgenstern, traitor and murderer, she didn't fall under his influence. She remained loyal to our quest and the Law. She helped to discover the plan about murder of Clarissa Morgenstern and helped to prevent it.-Consul's voice was calm as he talked, except for the moment he said Valentine's name. It still made Shadowhunter shiver.

For few moments, I separated my gaze from the Consul and glanced at Clarissa. She stared at me with her green eyes. I noticed that the Lightwoods were staring at me as well; blue, black and golden eyes. All of them had mixes of disappointment, compassion, anger and thankfulness on their faces.

And every bit of emotion on their faces was wrong to me. I didn't want those emotions. They still didn't understand what Jonathan had changed, didn't want to understand.

-The Clave asks you to fulfil one thing before you rejoin our fight against demons, Samantha.-the Consul now addressed directly to me and my gaze went back to him.

-Your _parabatai_ won't have funeral according to customs of Shadowhunters. His ashes won't build the Bone City. But, you can bury him in any other way you find proper. If you care enough to do it, of course.-

Rage exploded in me again. I started to shiver like I had a fever. My fists were clenched so strong that it hurt. But, I didn't care. I tried to catch my breath, because the Consul's word were like a punch in the stomach.

-Jonathan was a Shadowhunter!-I shouted, making everyone turn towards me again.

-And he deserved be buried according our customs! Valentine was and the Clave had allowed it! You can't say he deserved it more than Jonathan!-

Whispers spread around the room. Valentine's funeral had been held here in Idris and his ashes, no matter how many Shadowhunters he had killed during his life, built the Bone City. Even though they hated Jonathan, they had to admit I was right. If the Clave permitted proper funeral for Valentine, they had to permit it for Jonathan as well.

But, the Consul's eyes remained cold.

-Valentine, as bad as he was, didn't have demon blood in his veins.-his voice silenced the room.

-Jonathan did. And we won't let demons to infect the Bone City.-

I could feel everyone's gazes on me. They waited to see if I will have answer to that too.

And I had one. But, I didn't expect to say it out loud.

-Jonathan is in heaven.-the words flew out of me before I could even think of saying them.

-If his soul is accepted there, what right the Clave has to reject his bones here?-

If the matter wasn't so serious, I believed that most people in the room would laugh out loud. I could see on their faces that they were trying to hold laugh back. During the trial, I had been a victim, a traitor, a rude brat to them. Now I was a poor girl who had lost her mind, probably from pain because of lost of her _parabatai_.

The Consul was one of the few people who had remained serious. He bit his lower lip, annoyed by what he thought it was my fairytale.

-Can you prove your words, Samantha?-he asked me with a cunning shine in his green eyes.

-If you can, Jonathan will be buried according to our customs right away. His body waits in the Bone City to be buried. If you can't, that will be your last words in this meeting.-

I stood in silence for few moments, thinking.

_Use the Mortal Instruments. Summon the Angel. Summon Raziel. He will tell you the truth._ I wanted to say it out loud. I wanted to humiliate the Clave because they rejected Jonathan. They didn't want him to ever be seen as part of them. They didn't want to admit he had been a Shadowhunter, that he had been one of them.

_He deserved better than that._ I thought. _He was the best Shadowhunter I ever knew. In __all the time we spent together, he was a Shadowhunter, not a demon. He was strong and brave and reliable. Everything that Shadowhunters are supposed to be. He was better than most of you are._

But, I said nothing.

I couldn't ask them to summon Raziel. Not because they couldn't, but because it would be from the wrong reasons. If I called him firstly because I wanted to humiliate the Clave, not because I wanted to reveal the truth, he would never help me. He would probably say he couldn't give the secrets of heaven away and that would prove nothing. And I wasn't sure enough that my heart and thoughts were in the right place for this. I couldn't guarantee to myself I wanted the truth before the proving I was right about Jonathan.

Then I remembered something Raziel had said in my dream.

_Your name should be celebrated among those who carry my blood._

_It should. But, it won't be._ I realised. _And it's not mine to ask of the Angel to be my witness. He wouldn't want me to do it. If I was strong enough to believe in Jonathan, I'm strong enough to face every mockery, every sneer. And Jonathan wouldn't want me to be banished from world of Shadowhunters. He knows it would kill me. And he'd accept __any kind of funeral, as long as I attend it._

I sat down, my gaze not leaving Consul's face yet. I saw a glimpse of a smile in corner of his mouth, like he thought he had outsmarted me.

_I know the truth._ I wanted to shout in his direction, but I sat calmly like a statue. _And __every time I see any of these faces, I'll know they are the ones who live in ignorance, __not me. And that's enough for me._

Even though they saw I wouldn't answer, gazes of Shadowhunters still rested on me. I caught nobody's glance, staring at the wall behind the Consul. He coughed to bring the attention back to himself.

-Will you bury your _parabatai_, Samantha?-

For a second, my eyes returned on his face. I imagined my gaze piercing a hole in his head and that held me calm.

-I will.-I nodded.

-In a place I find proper, in a way I found proper.-

His face froze in anger for a second.

-The Bone City is ... -

-A forbidden territory, I know.-I interrupted him.

-I won't bury him there, don't worry. But, his funeral is my business. And everyone who saw only a demon in him will not be welcomed.-

I got up again, not caring to look at faces around me. Everything I wanted to hear or say had been said. I didn't care about anything else the Consul might have wanted to say. I left the room alone, ignoring whispers behind me.


	28. Epilogue

**A lot to read for an epilogue, but it won't be a good story without a good end :) It contains spoilers from The Infernal Devices, I just couldn't avoid it, I see it as the perfect end. I wouldn't like to spoil anyone's reading of The Infernal Devices trilogy, but this had to be done. I hope you'll enjoy :)**

My gaze rested on the grave in front of me.

It was made of white marble, decorated with golden letters. It was in a shape of rectangle, about two meters long and half meter wide. Even though it seemed it was only few centimetres high, I knew it was about a meter deep. I had seen when Jonathan had been put in it. I didn't want to imagine how dark it had to be down there now when the grave was closed.

I had made a lot of effort trying to find a proper place for Jonathan's final resting place. I had decided it had to be in London in the second I had gone out of the trial. London was the only place Jonathan had ever felt accepted. It was the place where our friendship had become real. So, his grave had to be in London. I had just needed to find the right one. And I had chosen Brookwood Cemetery.

I stood there, as calm as statues that surrounded me. I wore a white short-sleeved dress that covered half of my calves. It was decorated with few runes, embroidered in silver colour, so people wouldn't notice them if they weren't looking exactly for them. White sandals were on my feet, but I ignored pinching of wind. Mundanes which occasionally passed next to me looked at me with surprise and doubts in their eyes, but I didn't care. I didn't bother with putting the glamour on myself. I wanted everyone to know this was funeral of a Shadowhunter.

_If a Shadowhunter passes by, he will know it. To us, white is the colour of death. Only a __Shadowhunter would wear white in graveyard._ I knew. _As for the mundanes, they will know that this man didn't die alone, that somebody came to say farewell to him. Even if that person is crazy for wearing white in a funeral._

I stared at the tombstone. Words written in golden letters, which seemed almost silver in the gray light of London's day, were saying his name.

_Jonathan Morgenstern. _

And under his name was a quote.

_The valiant never taste of death but once._

It seemed perfect for Jonathan, who was the bravest person I have ever met. He never allowed fear to overwhelm him, to direct his actions. And I knew he would never die in my memories. There will always be a place for him, where I will remember everything we had gone through.

But, while I had searched for the proper quote, I had come across few more that I had wanted to be written on his tombstone. I had given up on that idea only when I had realised that in that case Jonathan would have a novel written on his tombstone. And, no matter how much he loved books, I had known it wouldn't be a good idea. It had been hard to decide which quote should be in front of the eyes of others, but at last I had picked up the one that pointed out Jonathan's courage, one of the things I admired the most about him. But, some others were also cut into my mind, even though I didn't intend to remember them.

_What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and __the world remains and is immortal._ words were streaming through my mind, like a song I had learned by heart. _Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws._

They all seemed to have something of Jonathan's and my friendship within themselves. I could recognize us in them. I could see picture of Jonathan with white wings in my mind and hope that I will join him someday streamed through me. But, the quote that linked me most with Jonathan was the one that revealed to me how similar we had been.

_What is exciting is not for one person to be stronger than the other, but for two people to __have met their match and yet they are equally as stubborn, as obstinate, as passionate, as crazy as the other._

But, I had kept that quote for myself. Jonathan wasn't just mine. Everyone who would come to visit him had the right to be there, to cry because he was gone. I couldn't keep him just for myself. No matter if I had been the only one who had ever appreciated him, I couldn't be selfish.

I had to admit I had expected somebody else to show up here today, although I didn't really know who I had expected. Maybe Jonathan's mother or his sister and her company, but nobody was there but me. I knew they could come, could find me if they wanted to. The Clave knew everything I had done about Jonathan's funeral. They could have come. But, they didn't. There had been just Jonathan and I. Now Jonathan was buried and I was alone.

Cool wind of London was blowing around me and gave me goose bumps. Except for it, I heard nothing else. I couldn't even hear footsteps or voices of mundanes. It seemed like I was standing alone at the end of the world, trying to hold my tears back in my eyes. Even though I knew where Jonathan was now and that he was happy, it was still hard to say goodbye.

-Ave atque vale, Jonathan Morgenstern.-I whispered, repeating the words he had said in my dream before he had gone away with Raziel. Translation echoed in my mind.

_Hail and farewell, Jonathan Morgenstern. Hail and farewell, my parabatai. Hail and __farewell, my friend._

I let few tears to fall on my cheeks. The farewell seemed so final, like I hadn't been aware of it in my dream. Jonathan was now both spiritually and physically separated from me. I couldn't even touch his hand, like I had done when I had come to the Bone City to take his body with me. The Silent Brothers had kept it safe and with help of their runes, Jonathan had looked like he had fallen asleep. His body hadn't been ruined by pass of time. Picture of his peaceful face had given me strength to go through his funeral.

_May I join you?_ a voice that wasn't mine echoed in my mind.

I turned around and saw a person standing few steps behind me.

I held my breath. If it had been somebody else, it could have killed me in a second. I had been too reckless. But, it was a Silent Brother, easily recognized by his almost soundless steps and a hood that covered his face.

_Their steps are _almost_ soundless, Sam Carstairs._ I rebuked myself. _I should have noticed him before. Luckily, he's not a demon._

I nodded at his direction. He moved few steps forward and stood next to me. For few moments we were in silence, but then he broke it, if I could said so, since I was the only one who could hear his words.

_It's hard to lose a parabatai._ his voice was neutral, as were voices of all Silent Brothers.

I smirked, not able to stop myself. I hadn't asked him to be here nor to comfort me, especially not in that indifferent tone. I wasn't in a mood to listen to anybody, not even those who communicated with thoughts.

-How would you know? You're a Silent Brother. You don't have a _parabatai_.-I didn't even look at him while speaking, my eyes still staring at Jonathan's grave.

He ignored my rudeness.

_I wasn't always a Silent Brother._ he answered calmly. _I was a Shadowhunter once, just __like you._

Rudeness in me was in a second replaced with shame. He had just been polite, which was a lot to expect from a Silent Brother, and in return I could have hurt him, although I knew he would never show it.

My silence lasted, so he broke it again.

_In my time, though, having a parabatai wasn't an obligation. It was a choice._

-You were Shadowhunter a long time ago, then.-I found my voice again, remembering what Jonathan had told me.

-This law is nearly two hundred years old.-

-Yes.-he nodded and said nothing more.

But, though almost against my will, curiosity rose in me. The Silent Brothers never talked about their lives, neither the one in the Brotherhood nor the one before it. They were always very secretive, their lives hidden in the darkness of the Bone City. I had an unique opportunity to find out more about this Brother.

-You had a _parabatai_ once? I mean, before you joined the Brotherhood?-I asked silently, like somebody could hear us.

But, even if there was somebody, they would hear only me talking to myself. The Silent Brother had to have glamour on him, because sight on his face would probably give a heart attack to any mundane. They made even Shadowhunters nervous.

Now he was the one who stood in silence. Just when I thought he won't answer, I heard his voice inside my head again.

_I did._ he said. _And I had to watch him die. A part of me died with him._

-Is that why you joined the Brotherhood?-I wasn't pushed just by curiosity anymore, but by finding an answer to a question what I should do myself now.

This Brother was the first person I wanted to talk to about Jonathan, about pain I was feeling. We obviously had something in common. But, he was different than other people who had lost their _parabatai_. He could understand me better than anyone else, I could feel it. Maybe it was just because he was a Silent Brother, because he lived so long he could confirm the pain, but also memories, were still there, even after more than two hundred years.

His gaze didn't separate from Jonathan's grave, but he shook his head slightly.

_No._ he said. _I had to leave him. I had only a choice how to do it. I could either die or join __the Brotherhood. I have chosen to remain here as a Silent Brother. As a Silent Brother I __remained in touch with everyone I knew, although only occasionally. It was the only choice I was ready to accept._

I wanted to interrupt him, especially when he said he had left his _parabatai_ free willingly, but I remained silent and waited for him to finish. I was glad for doing so. He had chosen to stay, even though he had known he will eventually lose his _parabatai_.

-So, you couldn't bear the thought of leaving him, even though you knew he would leave you one day?-compassion streamed through my voice.

_It was my choice._ he nodded. _A hard one, but I made it._

-Do you miss him?-I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

_I do._ he said, confirming my guess. _But, I'm a Silent Brother. The Brotherhood is my family now. Even now I'm learning its ways and I can't let memories of my previous life or events in today's world distract me._

His voice sounded so final and I knew he would no longer discuss this subject with me. I had already heard too much and he will say no more.

I stood silently next to him, wondering if he was going to speak again or leave. I still had no idea why he had come, so I might as well ask.

-Why did you come here?-I asked, trying to see if he was just checking on me.

-Don't you know who my _parabatai_ was?-

_I know._ he said after few moments of silence. _Even we in the Bone City have heard about your case. After all, if your parabatai had been an ordinary Shadowhunter, his ashes would have built our city now, not have putrefied in the ground like a mundane's._

-Did the Brotherhood send you to check on me?-I had no will or strength to be evasive.

-Because the Clave knows everything I have done about Jonathan's funeral. They agreed to this. There's no need for you be here then.-

A hood shook a bit, so lightly I barely noticed.

_That's not why I am here._ he said, but his voice seemed less indifferent now. _I believe __what you said about your parabatai. I believe he was not a monster. So I came, so other people will say that there was a Silent Brother on his funeral, that a Shadowhunter, not __a demon, is buried here._

I looked at my white dress, knowing I was wearing it from the same reason he had come. We wanted to show that a Shadowhunter lay here, someone who died in fight against demons. This wasn't an ordinary grave. A hero lay in it.

-Thank you.-I whispered.

He nodded.

_Ave atque vale, Jonathan Morgenstern._ I heard him saying the same words that I had.

My _parabatai_ was seen off with farewell of Shadowhunters. I could ask no more than that.

I turned around, ready to go home and think about what to do next. But, after I made only few steps, the Silent Brother caught with me.

_What are you going to do now?_ he asked, like he had read my mind, which probably had.

But, I didn't mind. I needed somebody to talk to anyway.

-I have no idea.-I shrugged.

-I used to think I could fight on my own, without a _parabatai_. I never wanted to have one. But, now ... -

_Now you miss him._ he understood. _Like a part of you is gone._

I sighed.

-I got used to always have Jonathan by my side. I trusted him and he trusted me. I knew he had always been there to protect me.-I made effort to explain.

-And now I'm afraid of going back to fight. Because there will be a moment when I'll expect him to protect me again and he ... -

_He won't be there._ he ended my sentence.

Even the thought hurt so much. All I could do was to nod.

_You could leave Shadowhunters_. he suggested. _You could live as a mundane. I knew __Shadowhunters who had done so._

-I can't do that.-I shook my head.

-Being a Shadowhunter, that's all I know how to do. I would never fit in among mundanes, I know it.-

We walked in silence for few more meters and then I spoke again.

-I thought about living in some of the Institutes. It would keep me away from battles and I could be of use.-

_I believe your abilities surpass that._ he sounded convinced, like he had known me all my life, not just from gossips about the trial. _You could join the Iron Sisters. You would remain among Shadowhunters, but away from the battles. You would learn how to make weapons, steles, witchlight._

I had thought about that option, too. I had tried to imagine myself forging weapons I could never use, being closed behind the walls when everyone were rushing into battle.

-That's not for me either.-I said.

-I can't make weapons knowing _I_ will never use it.-

_That is a bit selfish, don't you think? _

Unintentionally, he woke up my pricks of conscience. And that wasn't good. I had had a hard time trying to recover from guilt because of Jonathan's death. Without the dream, I wasn't sure I would have made it. Now I had to avoid showing how much his words had affected me.

-I can't promise I would devote myself to the Sisters completely.-I explained.

-The Iron Sisters are your counterpart. What would you do if any of you leaves the Bone City to join the fight? Because I'd certainly do so whenever Shadowhunters would ask me to make a Seraph blade. I'd know a battle is out there and I couldn't hold myself back. That's who I am. I wouldn't want to lie to them.-

He didn't answer. We walked in silence almost to the entrance to the Cemetery. I still had no idea what to do with my life. Obviously, I was so complicated case that not even a Silent Brother could help me.

But, he didn't leave. While we were getting closer to the end of graveyard, he turned towards me. I could see only his pale chin now; the rest of his face was still hidden in shadows of his hood.

_What would you want to do then, Samantha Carstairs?_

My name sounded so weird spoken with his voice. I had a feeling I had done something wrong, that a place for me couldn't be found.

-I don't know!-I shouted so suddenly I even scared myself.

-Everything I was familiar with has gone with Jonathan! Now I have no bloody idea what to do! I can't be a Shadowhunter as I was when he was alive, I can't be an Iron Sister, I can't be a mundane! What can I be?!-

But, the Silent Brother remained calm, like he had known in advance what I will do.

_Maybe you could join us. The Brotherhood._

I hardly held myself back not to laugh at him.

_He must be crazy._ I thought, almost amused. Almost._ The Iron Sisters are their counterpart. Women join them._

-You know, there's a reason you're called the Brotherhood.-I said, trying to avoid sneer in my voice.

-Only men can join you. And I'm not a man.-

_I know you are not._ he answered. _But, if you were, would you join us?_

-What difference does it make? I can't break that rule.-words flew out of me in a second, but then I tried to imagine it.

_It would be a life in silence, away from the battles. I would have to forget everything I was. It wouldn't be easy either, all those tests that Silent Brothers must pass._ it seemed terrible, even as a thought, at first. But, then I saw the other side of the medal. _I would __learn secrets ordinary Shadowhunters never even hear about. I could heal others, but __myself as well. I could carry my memories of Jonathan there, knowing he would never __be forgotten, because I would live forever. I would live forever._

-Yes, I would.-I heard myself saying the words, almost without being aware of doing it.

Then I heard a sound. It sounded almost like a laugh.

_But, it can't be. Silent Brothers can't laugh. Their mouths are ..._ my though was left unfinished because he interrupted it.

_You think it is a rule that Silent Brothers can't laugh._ he said. _But, I have just broken it. __Why would be impossible for you to join us then?_

-I ... I ... -I was speechless. I didn't know what to say.

_We share something else beside lost of parabatai, Samantha._ he filled my silence with his words. _We share many things you don't know of. Maybe we also share the ability to __change the old ways, to change the rules. It's on you to show if we do or not._

He was secretive as the rest of the Silent Brothers. But, his words intrigued me. And the answer wasn't away from me. I just had to ask the right question.

-Who are you?-I whispered.

Instead of answering, he removed his hood.

At first, it was shocking. His mouths weren't like those of other Silent Brothers I had met. He still could open his mouth and talk out loud if he wanted to. His eyes were strange gray colour, between silver and black.

But, I had seen that face before. Even if it was scarred by Marks of the Silent Brothers, I knew I had seen it.

_I am brother Zachariah._ he said, but I could feel "but" that he wanted me to say out loud myself.

-But, you have another name.-I said, looking at those familiar eyes. They looked exactly like the ones on the painting.

-You are James Carstairs. We share last name. Blood as well.-

_You know now._ he covered his face with hood again. _But, more important is your choice. You can remain here, believing you could do nothing to change the rules, or follow me, believing you can change them. You can become the first Silent Sister or let somebody else to do it. Your choice._

He turned around, but so did I. My gaze looked for Jonathan's grave and found it. I knew what he would say.

_It's not fun if we can't break a rule or two._ for first time after the dream, I smiled. _But, if they are unbreakable, let's make new ones. The ones we can break._

-I'm right behind you, cousin.-I caught up with James.

I followed him through streets of London. Mundanes around us saw only a girl in white dress, wandering through the streets like a lost child. Maybe they felt pity for me, thinking I was alone, thinking I was lonely.

But, I wasn't. Jonathan still followed me, wherever I was going, in my memories. He will be present in the Bone City. James's words gave me courage to insist on changing the rules. I wanted to live with the Silent Brothers, I knew that now. I enjoyed mysteries, secrets. After I had spent part of my life destroying and killing, now I could help and heal.

_Maybe one day some other Shadowhunter will curse me and my change of rules just as __I did the law about having a parabatai._ I smiled. _Maybe. We'll see._

**Thank you for your views, reviews and for following the story :) I wanted to make a story where friendship, not love, is in the centre and I always had the feeling the evil characters are actually misunderstood, so I mixed it all up and got this :) I hope you enjoyed reading the story as much as I did writing it :D**


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